Bella.
I flopped on my bed and giggled. Spending the afternoon with Edward was great. He had the biggest collection of band shirts I’d ever seen. He had seemed quite amused as I inspected each of the shirts hung neatly in his small walking closet. There were at least a hundred of them. I found several shirts that were older than I was. When I questioned him about them he merely shrugged and stated that he was a collector.
Edward appreciated a wide range of music and had an impressive collection of cds as well. The shelves that ran the length of the wall in his bedroom were divided; books on one side and music on the other. The king sized bed was impossible not to notice on the far wall. The dark wood matched that of the furniture in the living room. It was covered in a plush black comforter with small red throw pillows for accents.
Rolling on my back, I closed my eyes.
Edward had been quiet most of the afternoon. He sat on the couch keeping a respectful distance only getting up to switch play lists. It was really nice to have someone to listen to music with. Rose always wanted to sing along and Alice was constantly chattering. With Edward I could lay my head back, close my eyes and truly enjoy.
I like that Edward didn’t feel like he needed to talk. Useless chitchat was just that, useless. Unlike Alice and Rose, who seemed to be uncomfortable in silence, it was refreshing to hang out with someone who didn’t have to talk to be comfortable.
I wonder what he is thinking right now, I mused. He might be thinking about me. I felt giddy. Part of me wished he had given me some sort of indication he was interested in me but he did not. I sighed. Maybe he just wanted to be friends, the thought made me cringe a bit, more inside than out. Rose would be glad for that, I smiled. She was so happy.
It was Rose and Emmett coming home that brought my visit to an end. Edward and I were listening to Candlebox when I first heard them. The first loud thump was followed by several more. I had looked at Edward for his reaction to the commotion when I heard Rose let out a muffled howl. Edward’s eyes locked with mine just as it registered what was going on beneath us. I blushed furiously and turned my head away from him.
Edward laughed at me smiling and I chucked a pillow from the couch at him.
“I can’t believe you have to listen to that.” I muttered, glancing back up. his green eyes appeared to be going dark again. I loved his eyes. They reminded me of a mood ring as they change; it is truly remarkable. Rose and Emmett were in full swing in the room below and it made me feel awkward. Both Alice and I had heard Rose having sex before. Last year when we went camping Rose brought her boyfriend. This was different though, Rose was making no effort to be discreet.
I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to be with Edward. Every thing about him screamed sex. I wondered if he could make me scream like Rose. Other than my own hand I was still a virgin. The thought of Edward changing that made my center tingle. My face flushed and I was glad he couldn’t read my mind.
Edwards’s eyes were steadily growing darker and I couldn’t look away from him. There was something about him that drew me in. I couldn’t look away if I wanted to. The sounds below us faded to the background and for a moment it was just me and him. Part of me wanted to break the connection as his eyes burned in to me, but I couldn’t. I felt trapped, and it excited me.
Edward shifted in his seat. The movement was distraction enough I was able to unlock my eyes and look down. My eyes, betraying me, went straight to Edwards’s crotch. I almost died on the spot. Edward was sporting a hard on! My face felt like it was on fire and I quickly looked down at my hands. I didn’t dare look at him now.
Edward stood up abruptly and I thought he was going to change the music but he didn’t. When I looked up, he was standing angled away from me in the same place he had been the last time I was here. I could see him flipping the same shiny metal object around his fingers that he had last time. It appeared to be a silver medallion of some sort. I was curious and wanted to ask him about it but something about the way he was standing told me I shouldn’t bother him.
The same energy I felt last time I was here rolled off of Edward in waves filling the room. The silence was becoming awkward. It was like he forgot I was there. I sat for a minute trying to think of what to say. As if on queue my stomach growled. Edward’s hand stilled and I pushed myself off the couch.
“I need to get going,” my voice was shaky. Edward placed the medallion back on the shelf but he stayed with his back to me. I started toward the door confused by Edwards’s coolness towards me. “Thanks for letting me hang out. I really do appreciate you bringing me here instead of leaving me in the hall.”
“You have no idea,” Edward’s words were grating and cold and I almost choked.
“What?” I asked him incredulously. Had we not just spent the last few hours hanging out as friends? His harshness took me completely by surprise. I glared at him willing him to turn around and face me.
Edward stayed where he was staring at the shelf in front of him.
“I just mean you shouldn’t be here.” Edward’s tone softened back to the one he had used all afternoon.
I stiffened. “Then you shouldn’t have invited me in,” I shot back at him. If he was looking to piss me off he was doing a good job. I waited for his response and when there was none I stomped to the door. Pausing with my hand on the knob, I gave him a chance to stop me like he did before but he never came. This is not a game I was going to play. I stalked out the door pulling it shut hard behind me.
What a fucking asshole! I cursed him walking down the hall. I just started down the stairs when I felt him. The skin on my arms pricked up and my breathing hitched. I could feel him before I heard him.
“Bella,” his whisper sent chills down my spine and sent a wave of tingles reverberating between my thighs.
I refused to turn to look at him, giving him the same treatment had had given me. Staring at the steps in front of me I waited for him to continue.
“Will you come back to see me?” The tone of Edward’s voice unraveled me. He sounded so sad and it pulled at my heart.
I wanted to look at him but I knew if I did I would be lost and at that moment the last thing I wanted to do was get lost in Edward. Or did I? I questioned myself. Shoving the latter to the back of my mind I half turned to him peering up the staircase to where he stood on the landing.
I felt a sharp sting in my heart when I saw the sadness around his dark eyes. He stood deflated with his arms dropped at his sides. My first reaction was to go to him; to comfort him. I brushed that idea aside and looked away from him staring at the blank wall. Holding the banister, I stood for a moment absorbing his words.
“Are you crazy, Edward?” I asked him simply. My anger had dissipated at the sight of him. I was tired and ready to go home.
When he didn’t respond I dared to look in his direction. His eyes pulled mine right to his and I couldn’t stop them. His eyes looked almost completely black from a distance. He seemed to be fighting with something internally and his struggle confused me all the more.
“I have problems, Bella,” his voice floated down to me and settled on my ears tenderly. His face was blank, his eyes dark, and his tone heartbreaking. His demeanor surprised me. His response was not what I expected. There was too much to process; from his bad attitude in his apartment to his confessions atop the stairs. Maybe this was too much for me, maybe he was too much for me. I needed to think and I couldn’t do it here.
“We all have problems, Edward,” I addressed him, my voice steady. “I’ll see you around.”
His eyes never left me as I made my way down the steps. I could feel him watching me the whole way down. I kept a tight grip on the railing. My legs uncertain beneath me, I had to concentrate on my footing. Tripping was my specialty and I was not about to fall here and now, not today. Reaching Emmett’s floor I paused, briefly debating stopping to see Rose, but then I remembered what they were doing and changed my mind.
I rolled off the bed and headed to my cluttered desk. I couldn’t think any more about Edward right now. I had homework I needed to get done this weekend and the distraction was welcome. Edward is hard to think about, I flipped open my calculus book. Smirking to myself I shook my head, calculus was easier to figure out than Edward.
Forty five minutes later I shuffled my books into my bag and headed downstairs to start dinner. My phone alerted me to an incoming text. Pulling it out of my back jean pocket I opened the message from Alice. I laughed out loud in the quiet kitchen. The screen displayed a single character, a question mark. Alice was fishing.
I dialed her number smiling.
“Bella!” Alice squealed in the phone.
“What’s up?” I questioned her knowing full well I was about to be assaulted.
“Tellllllll meeeeee,” Alice whined through the phone and I laughed at her.
Not being able to contain my giddiness I quickly gave her a summary. “Edward was great. We talked and listened to music.” I didn’t mention the awkward moments Edward and I had.
“That’s it? What did you listen to? Are you going to see him again? He didn’t say anything about a girlfriend, did he?” the questions came faster than I could answer.
“I don’t know if he has a girlfriend but I don’t think so,” my stomach knotted at the thought. What if he DID have a girlfriend? Surely he wouldn’t have invited me back if he did, I tried to reassure myself. It seemed highly unlikely. I didn’t know when I was going to see him again if at all and I purposely dodged. “Let’s get together tomorrow and Ill tell you all about it,” I offered.
Alice grudgingly agreed and let me off the phone. How some people spend hours a day on a phone I have no idea. I’m just not a phone person, I guess. I had one more call to make so I dialed the number while I still had the phone in my hand.
Dad answered as usual on the second ring. “Bella?”
“Hi dad, I am just making sure you are getting off on time, I’m cooking dinner.”
“Unless something comes up,” was his short reply.
“Okay, see ya when you get here.” I clicked my phone shut and slid it back in my pocket. I busied myself making his favorite meal, fried fish with mashed potatoes and greens. When I was a kid dad used to go fishing with a couple of the men up on the Res. It was a few years after mom left that dad stopped going there. He still fished from time to time but on his own or with Dale, a fellow officer that would drive out here to meet him.
I know before Jake had gotten weird on me that Dad wasn’t hanging out with Billy, Jake’s dad as much. Not sure what happened between them and dad never mentioned anything about it.
Dad was home on time and I was grateful he had the rest of the weekend off. He looked really tired. The dark shadows under his eyes were undeniable and his eyes almost appeared to be sinking in to his face. He worked too hard and he certainly wasn’t getting any older.
I listened as he hummed his way through dinner savoring each bite of the tender fillets. Dad couldn’t cook for shit. Over the years I taught myself my own way around the kitchen and did pretty well, or at least dad seemed to think so. Dad could boil water, he liked oatmeal. Other than that, if I wasn’t cooking he would order out or at the Forks Café.
I love my dad. It’s hard to think about him getting older. I observed him carefully from the couch as he settled in to his big arm chair. Dad always stood tall and proud but the years were showing on him. His shoulders no matter how square he held them seemed to be rounding. He had dropped a few pounds too. It bothered me to think about dad getting old so I soon found myself back upstairs.
Deciding on a shower I dropped my clothes in the middle of the floor and turned to the floor length mirror on my wall. I wasn’t ugly but I certainly wasn’t pretty like Alice or Rose.
Over the last few years my body had transformed from a gangly teen to that of a woman. My eyes traveled to the thin mat of hair between my legs. Alice waxed; it was really something I wanted to try one of these days. Almost subconsciously my hand came up and plucked at a rosy nipple.
I closed my eyes and for a moment forgot I was standing in my room with my dad downstairs. I pictured Edward and imagined what it would be like to have his fingers roaming my body. My other hand swept gently over my stomach and I groaned. I really needed a shower. Crossing the floor to my dresser I pulled out my waterproof friend. This was the favorite of my three toys.
Rose bought one for herself last year and loved it so much she bought one for Alice and I both. My two crazy ass best friends, I shook my head and grinned to myself, one of them buys me underwear and the other buys me sex toys. It wasn’t like that, though. I know Rose told us she experimented once but Alice and I have always been strictly boys. Even though the three of us are so different we are close. Our bond is more than the gimmicky best friend’s rings and the title of ‘BFF’ with a heart drawn around it. On the inside we were sisters. So I guess that justified it in a way. Sexually I was the least experienced. We knew every thing about each other and we all had each others backs.
An image flashed through my head of the little red lace panty and bra set Alice gave me for Valentine’s Day two years ago. I still haven’t worn it. The smooth sheer scraps of fabrics were trimmed in black lace and pink satin bows. Until now, I hadn’t even thought of that little garment box buried in my closet. Edward. Mmmm.
The water was hot and burned my skin. Dating is something I get suckered in to every so often by Rose or Alice. Until Edward I haven’t found anyone who I really found interesting. My dates were always nice enough but they were always trying so hard to be good dates. Edward just doesn’t strike me as the ‘good date’ kind of guy; that, for some reason, fucking turned me on.
Rinsing the last of the soap from my mind wandered. Edward’s hard body would feel so amazing next to mine. Fuck. One hand clamored on my nipple and the other reaching for the rubber vibrator. His hands moving over my skin would be firm; I hardened my motions and parting my legs farther. Both hands tending my needs I ventured deeper. Wearing the skimpy lack bra and panty from Alice, dropping an overcoat, Edward grabs me and thrusts me against a wall. We don’t speak. He grabs my hair in one hand pulling my head back to the wall while his other hand pushes the panties off my hips to fall at the floor.
My legs part farther and my hand increases its speed as the vibrator slides deeper yet while I lean back on the shower wall. Edward’s pants are undone and his massive cock is free as he grabs my legs and wraps them around him, piercing me with his massive erection. I cry out into his shoulder and he fucks me harder. The initial pain of his brutal assault numbs as I feel myself relaxing to accommodate the size of his cock. He fills me with every thrust. The completeness he brings when he is buried in me makes the pain of his massive cock worth every delicious inch.
The sound of the water coming through the pipes of the old house was loud. I was grateful for the old pipes at times like this. As orgasm reached me I was unable to contain a final moan, calling out Edwards’s name. A dad hearing isn’t what it used to be so I was pretty sure I wasn’t found out but I still wasn’t pleased at myself for taking the chance. I was usually more careful than that.
There was something about Edward that made me want to lose control. There was something about him that screamed ‘bad’ but in the sexiest way. I don’t know exactly what it is about him but I am charged near him. I’ve never been around any one like him.
Pulling on a large t-shirt and clean cotton underwear, I turned out the lights and climbed in to bed. I left my curtains open and stared out in to the darkness. It was cloudy and cold out and the wind whispered through the tops of the trees.
In the next town over lives the first man I have ever met who made me feel like this. I’m still not sure what ‘this’ is, I reminded myself. Deciding labels weren’t important, I snuggled in to my pillow. Whatever ‘this’ is, I like it.
I whispered softly, “Good Night Edward.” Closing my eyes I let the darkness take me.
Edward.
I couldn’t see her but I heard everything. I closed my eyes and pictured her, just as I had seen her before when she would lay on her bed and fuck herself.
When I heard her call my name I almost came although I wasn’t even touching myself tonight. She controlled the pulsing in my cock with her ragged breathing and the soft wet sounds of her hand and her vibrator working her tight pussy. She owned me. I would be a liar if I said I didn’t want to fuck her and badly.
When she was in my apartment the thought of drinking her blood wasn’t nearly as strong as the urge I had to rap her around my cock; her mouth, her pussy, her tight ass. Most of the time I was on the couch there was a cushion in my lap. I don’t think she noticed.
Not being able to read her thoughts keeps me guessing and I hate it. It’s so frustrating not knowing what she is thinking which makes me want to get closer to her. Her scent draws me closer.
Of course she is drawn to me. She will be back to see me of that I was sure before I had even ask her earlier. Most humans are drawn to vampires completely unaware of danger until the vampire decides the time is right. We have an appeal. The fantasies she has about me are all because she came in contact with me, not because she really feels anything for me.
I sat perfectly still on the limb. I can’t leave her, ever. I can’t deny her. I can’t stay away from her. I can’t be with her, either. I don’t even know that she would want to be with me if she could or if it would just be the fucking vampire voodoo shit drawing her to me. Every thing is so fucked up.
“Good Night, Edward,” her voice was a hushed but defined whisper. Bella was close to sleep but still awake.
Flicking my eyes in the direction of her bed though the dark window I berated myself. Sometimes when I would look at her we would make eye contact. She would see it as a flicker of light and over the years accepted it as a reflection from some unknown source. I knew better than to play this game. She drew me in and the closer I get to her the harder it is for me to refuse her. This can’t happen and I can’t stop it.
“Goodnight Bella,” I whispered back in to the dark window. Her words settled on me a softy and I sat greedily and soaked up the sick satisfaction that I enjoyed her the way I did. Bella was nothing more than a victim to my nature, and at the moment it felt really fucking good, so good I can’t stop.
_____
AN:
Sorry it took so long, been busy lately. Let’s say two weeks on the next one but I’m thinking Ill have time this week. I have to schedule around family time and our activities.
As always love and appreciate reviews~ Have a great weekend everyone!!
Twilight is S.M., not mine.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Ch 14: Owned
Bella.
Alice didn’t chicken out this time. I was kind of glad to have the distraction. Tomorrow was Saturday and I still had no clue what I was going to say when I returned Edward’s shirt. The fact that he consumed me in my dreams, made it hard for me to even think about talking to him. He had only met me once and probably wants nothing to do with me.
I waited in the lobby for Alice. Although I was curious about the procedure, I had no interest in seeing her naked coochie. It was only half an hour before she joined me with a victorious smile. We stopped at the counter where she purchased a bottle of after care lotion.
“So?” I questioned her once we were out of the store and working our way back through the mall. “How is it? Does it hurt?”
Alice looked at me and grinned. “I’m sore but not bad. Pulling the strips was the worst part but it didn’t hurt that bad for long. I have to exfoliate well and stay moisturized.”
Biting my lip, I briefly considered turning around and making an appointment. It sure would be nice to not have to maintain hair down there. There wasn’t much sense in spending the money anyways since I don’t even have a boyfriend, I reasoned. Even still, the way I pictured myself in my dreams intrigued me.
Alright, I conceded in a silent argument. If Edward goes out with me, Ill get it waxed, I made a deal with myself.
“Are you in a hurry to get back?” Alice interrupted the conversation I was having with myself.
“Nope, whatcha thinking?” I glanced over my shoulder to see what she was looking at behind me. Lingerie, I should have known; Alice loves this store. Resisting was useless. I followed the pixie into the shop.
I browsed the baby dolls while Alice tried a few outfits on. I almost choked when she held the first one up on its hanger. It had crimson velour trim and the bodice was black and sheer. The breasts were supported but not covered and the panty was crotch less. The second one she held up was fashioned after a slip dress and made of white sheer with little white feather ruffles along the edges and a matching feathery thong. Unable to decide she bought them both.
I laughed at her at the register, Jasper was in so much trouble and he didn’t even know it. As if she knew what I was thinking, Alice smacked me in the arm and we both burst into giggles.
It was dark when Alice dropped me off. Dad had dozed off in his chair and I didn’t wake him. Grabbing an apple off the counter, I headed upstairs. As soon as I entered the room my eyes landed on the neatly folded shirt sitting at the foot of my bed. I moved around the room setting my back pack by my desk and draping my hoodie over the back of the chair. I glanced at the shirt again and avoided the bed.
After I had showered and put pajamas on I picked up Edward’s shirt off the bed and set it on my dresser. Tomorrow was going to come whether I was ready or not, I decided.
Sleep did not come easy tonight. I grabbed my book. Reading the same page twice, I realized it wasn’t helping and tossed it frustrated on the night stand.
I managed to talk Alice out of coming with me to Port Angeles. She was disappointed but she will live. Edward was under my skin, but really, what was he to me? He was just a guy who picked me up out of the hallway and took care of my pathetic ass when I couldn’t do it myself.
I don’t even know how old he is. He may not be interested in dating a 17 year old. He probably dates older women. I still don’t know that he doesn’t have a girlfriend. I tried to ask Rose about Emmett’s neighbor upstairs and she just looked at me with a blank stare so I dropped it. I don’t think Emmett told her I how I ended up that morning and for that I was grateful.
I asked Alice not to say anything. Rose has been under a lot of stress lately and Alice agreed. It seems like Rose making this commitment was the hardest thing she had ever faced in her life. I know this is not true. Rose has had a rough life and maybe overcoming these commitment issues really was that hard on her.
Edward was just a guy. I couldn’t keep him out of my thoughts during the day or my dreams at night. My obsession with him irked me. It could have been anyone who found me that night. If it had been someone else would I be having these dreams about them instead? I wondered.
Aggravated, I flipped my comforter back and slid off the side of the bed. Stomping to the dresser, I grabbed the shirt wadding it in my fist and stomped back. Climbing back under my blankets I buried my face in his shirt. Even through the perfumes of the detergent and fabric softener, it still smelled like him. Snuggling back in to my pillow like a giddy schoolgirl I keep his wadded shirt on my pillow and closed my eyes.
As I drifted off to sleep I had the feeling I wasn’t alone. It was having his shirt near me that made me feel that way. It was different but nice.
Alice.
“I’m not sick. Are you telling me that you think I am?” I can’t believe he has the nerve to do this to me again, yet here we are. “I’m not taking crazy pills.” Part of me wanted to cry. Just drop to the floor and melt into a puddle; dissolve in to the expensive imported rug that covered the floor in front of dad’s desk.
“Alice,” his voice was sad and pleading. “Please, you can’t keep denying there is something going on with you.”
My body couldn’t have been any more rigid as I stared him down. I love my dad but this is ridiculous. I know there is truth in his words but I refuse to acknowledge them. After all I have been through a few bad dreams weren’t going to be the end of me. People have bad dreams all the time. Granted mine are a bit more frequent and the intensity is surreal. I have handled them for the most part without my dad. He has no clue what I go through; he is rarely here.
I looked at the sad man in front of me. I know his story better than anyone. Loving dad came easy, he was a good man. Sometimes he made me so mad though. Like now, when he was sitting behind his desk, all business, thinking he knew what was best for me. Where exactly he got off I don’t know, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to parade through my life once a week for the last 5 years and then pretend he knows what’s best for me.
I feet bad for him; after mom died he wasn’t the same. I know he is broken, my heart broke with his. The difference between him and me is how we healed. Im not sure he ever did. If anyone needs medication, it’s him, I thought to myself bitterly. He sat with his head hung down his forehead resting on his palms as he stared at his desk.
As much as I empathized with him I couldn’t help be angry, too. For five years, I have cleaned up after myself and assumed most of the duties in this house. Academically, I am doing fantastic, not that he would know. He is never around long enough to keep up on that; I’ve signed his name to every report card since I started high school. I even sign his name to my truancy slips.
Sure, I’m not perfect. But, I have done a damn fine job of holding this façade of a family and it’s household together while he has been out running from whatever ghosts haunt him. He works himself into the ground and then comes home just long enough to see I’ve got everything handled, and then he is gone again.
“Dad, I love you. But, you can’t come in here after all these years and start throwing your weight around. I didn’t ask for you to come to my room,” I continued knowing I was being unreasonable but not caring, “I have been handling the bad dreams for a while now and do just fine without you.” The last of my words caught in my throat and I choked back the tears I could feel welling up.
Dad’s shoulders visibly dropped. I couldn’t bring myself to feel bad for him though. I had gotten by this long without him, I wasn’t about to let him march in here and tell me I needed to be drugged.
“Have a good flight, dad.” I turned and stalked out of the room, my heels clicking across the hard floor as I left.
My nerves were rattled as I pulled the small vodka flask from my dresser drawer. A long sip of liquid courage later, I felt better. Pulling out my phone, I flopped on my bed to text Jasper.
Bella.
I had thought Rose would be around. I knocked twice on Emmett’s door but there was no answer. Cursing under my breath, I decided to suck it up and turned toward the stairs. One foot in front of the other, I coached myself up the steps without tripping.
The closer I got to his door the slower my feet moved. I still had no idea what I was going to say to him, if he is home, I groaned. He had better be. I stooped outside his door for a moment collecting myself. Exhaling loudly, I raised my hand and knocked.
I stood there for a minute and didn’t hear anything. My heart sank in to my stomach. I debated knocking a second time but decided not to. For all I knew he was inside hiding from me, the drunk he peeled off the floor of his apartment building. It really did bother me that the first he ever saw of me was lying in my own vomit.
I don’t know what I expected. I don’t even know why this guy had this effect on me. I thought about him constantly this week, and the dreams, I glanced at the shirt in my hand. He invaded my dreams. I can’t say it feels right because it’s almost awkward to think of someone I don’t even know to this extent, but my mind being consumed by Edward was not unpleasant either.
This was a stupid idea. I should have given the shirt to Emmett to return for me. Using my toe I kicked the floor. Damn. Giving up, I turned to go.
“Bella.” He said my name making me jump. I froze knowing when I turned around I would see him. Slowly I turned.
His blazing, emerald green eyes bore in to my soul. I don’t know how I didn’t notice them before. I was drunk that night but the next morning I wasn’t. These are eyes I would have remembered and it confused me.
Edward leaned in the doorway resting his shoulder on the frame. He was wearing a thin white t-shirt and a pair of worn jeans that were slung low on his hips. His feet were bare and his hair just as wild as it had been in my dreams. My eyes flickered to his mouth and I felt the heat rush to my face and a familiar tingle between my legs.
Inwardly, I kicked myself. This was not the time to be revisiting those sweet dreams. Not only that, but the fact that I had looked him up and down checking him out and made no effort to hide it made me blush even more profusely.
Edward was staring at me, waiting. I opened my mouth but couldn’t form any words. Gulping loudly, I managed to spit out a greeting, “Hi.”
Are you fucking stupid? I screamed at myself. I’m sure I looked like quite the idiot standing dumb in the hall.
Edward pushed off the door jam still looking at me. His eyes never left my face. I watched as his delicious lips curled up on the edges into a smirk. “Do you want to come in?” He sounded unsure of himself but stepped backward and motioned for me to enter.
I nodded, I think. I moved my head and he seemed to understand. The smile that played on his lips made my stomach flip over.
My feet moved slowly forward through the door and into the living room. I heard him close the door behind me and I closed my eyes. I really needed to get it together. I opened my eyes and examined the room. It looked the same as it did the last time I was here. All the surfaces were perfectly polished. There wasn’t a cushion out of place. If he really didn’t have a girlfriend he was definitely suffering from some form of OCD, I concluded.
Edward moved beside me still a few feet away. I managed to look at him and smile this time. My nerves were evident as I held the shirt I clutched in my hand, out to him. “I like the Sex Pistols,” I blurted out.
I don’t know what about Edward made me stand here like an idiot but I was doing a great job. Edward must have found it amusing though. It seemed the more I fumbled the bigger his smile got and I was starting to get irritated. Not so much with him for finding it funny, but with me for being so stupid.
Edward, stepping closer, took the shirt. “It’s not one of my favorites.” He moved to set the shirt on the arm of the couch.
It seemed like my mouth was finally going to cooperate. “It’s the meaning behind the music that made them what they were.”
“Compared to others they weren’t very good at all.” He pressed. Edward moved to sit on the end of the couch gesturing for me to join him.
Sitting opposite him, I noticed how tense he was. Every muscle in his body seemed to be locked yet he looked so calm. “Then why do you have the shirt?” I pried.
“I collect them. Every concert I go to, I buy a shirt.” Edward leaned back to stare at the ceiling, resting his head on the back of the couch, his hands stuffed in his pockets and his legs stretched out under the coffee table. Even in his relaxed pose he looked tense.
My fingers were fidgeting in my lap and the silence was growing awkward.
“Thank you for helping me the other night.” The words came out before I had time to think. I looked to Edward for his reaction. He was so still if his eyes had been closed I would have sworn he was asleep. Nothing, he didn’t respond.
The frustration was welling in me. This was a bad idea. I cursed myself again for not giving the shirt to Emmett. I had no expectations coming here but I don’t do awkward very well and it was beginning to fill the room.
“You shouldn’t be here. Let’s get out of here.” Edward rose off the couch so suddenly, I startled. He made no sense. I was trying to thank him and he wanted to leave? Maybe he just wanted me out of his apartment. Maybe he really couldn’t stand me. I should never have come in, I could have apologized from the hall. But why did he invite me in the first place? I stood up and crossed my arms. If he didn’t want me here fine, I would leave. But I wasn’t leaving without setting a few things straight.
“I don’t know why you keep blowing me off. I’m trying to thank you. I shouldn’t have come here. I know you probably think of me as some pathetic girl who drinks too much and can’t take care of herself but you are wrong.” I moved toward the door, my voice elevated but shaking. “That’s not me. I was hoping to be friends but apparently you are too good for all that.”
Edward didn’t even flinch. His lack of reaction was really pissing me off.
“Have a great life Edward, sorry I bothered you.” I called over my shoulder. I turned my back to him and headed for the door. As my hand touched the knob he was beside me. Again, I jumped. I hadn’t heard him get off the couch. His arm shot past me and held the door closed, blocking my exit.
My temper flared. “What the hell is your problem, Edward?” I half turned to face him. His face was still void of expression but I noticed a drastic change in the color of his eyes. What once was sparkling green now was mottled in a mix of green and possibly brown, I wasn’t sure. I almost got lost in them but checked myself.
Edward opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. I watched as he frowned and slowly removed his hand from the door. “You frustrate me Bella. I don’t know what you’re thinking.” His eyes seemed to plead with me but I couldn’t get past the colors I was seeing. Sometimes a glint of gold, sometimes a spark that appeared almost red but mostly green and brown.
“Of course you don’t, you would have to be a mind reader to do that,” I spat at him. This conversation, if you could call it that, is ridiculous. “Even if you could, you wouldn’t want to know what I am thinking now.” Take that you smug asshole, I thought. What kind of a person refuses to accept an apology?
Edward was silent for a moment, his face searching mine. I stared back at him, not backing down. It didn’t matter that he was quite possibly the sexiest man I had ever laid eyes on. He was rude and judging from his attitude, single too. Even the heat in my panties wasn’t match for my hostility.
“Look I’m gonna go. I really do appreciate what you did.” I reached for the door knob again and again before I touched it he stopped me, this time with words.
“Bella, I- I’m sorry.” His face softened with his tone. “Please, don’t leave.” He almost whispered.
I should have been alarmed at his unusual behavior but strangely I wasn’t. He was standing so close to me I could smell him; the delicious scent rolled off him in intoxicating waves. It was easy to understand my physical attraction to him but the rest was lost to me. I never should have come here in the first place, I reminded myself again, yet when he asked me to stay, I didn’t want to leave.
“What are you thinking?” he eyed me speculatively. Not knowing how to answer him I looked away. Apparently he wasn’t the only one who was having trouble communicating. I wasn’t going to tell him how hot he was leaning over my shoulder holding the door closed; thoughts of being his prisoner spurring my hormones. I wasn’t going to tell him how my heart leapt when he ask me not to go.
“You need to make up your mind. You want me here; you don’t want me here. I don’t think you are stable.” Looking at him for response, I was quickly learning, was useless. Edward was really good at hiding emotion from his face. I looked at the floor. Getting lost in his eyes was all too easy and I was trying to focus.
“You can stay.” He sounded unsure but spoke with authority. He obviously had issues but that didn’t make him any different from the rest of the people I my life.
I laughed. I’m not sure why but it erupted out of me before I could stop it. Edward was looking at me confused which made me laugh even harder. I’m not sure if it was the way Mr. Sexy couldn’t seem to make up his mind or the way I couldn’t seem to form complete thoughts around him.
Leaning his shoulders back against the wall, Edward had his hands jammed in the pockets of his ratted jeans. His face was lit with amusement as he watched my psycho display.
“Alright, let’s start over,” I chuckled catching my breath.
The smile on Edwards face wiped away any traces of anger I had left. “Okay.”
“Hi, I’m Bella,” I giggled this time, extending my hand. Edward liked me enough to ask me to stay.
Edward.
I shouldn’t have opened the door to her but I couldn’t stop myself either. She was here in my apartment. She wasn’t drugged or drunk; she came here to see me. If had blood in my veins, it would have been rushing from the adrenaline.
My Bella, was here, now. I could barely believe it. I had heard her heartbeat when she entered the building. I heard her knock on Emmett’s door. When I heard her start up the step my world slid to a standstill.
Keeping control of myself the last time she had been in my space, was both the most difficult yet easiest charge I’ve had in this life. Every thought I had that night of consuming her essence was countered by thoughts of what my life would be like without Bella in it.
I shook my head. This inner battle raged on. My inner demon was being a sniveling bitch but sticking to his corner. I filled my head with thoughts of everything Bella to keep him at bay. The peace I felt when I am near her, the way her scent makes me burn inside where my heart lay lifeless, the way she excited me physically.
I pushed off the wall; I would have plenty of time to think about this when she was gone. For now she was here. She wanted to be here and I wanted her happy. I would have given almost anything last night to hear her thoughts when she snuggled in to my shirt on her pillow.
My manners were despicable. Sitting on the couch it was all I could do not to reach out to touch her. She was so close yet we could never be closer. The divide between her mortal life and mine was too big. Never in all my years have I been at a loss for words. Even with my superior skills she left me dumbfounded and tripping. I was so busy fighting the demon that I was unable to have a simple human conversation.
Nothing good will come of this, the demon hissed at me.
‘La tua cantante,’ Carlisle’s words echoed in my ears. ‘Her blood sings to you,’ he had said to me several years ago when we discussed my motives for taking up residence here. Carlisle knew I moved here to be close to her. He knew I visited her. I don’t think he understood what I was feeling though, how trapped she kept me. He only knew what he had read in legends and stories from other covens passed down through the generations.
I was a slave to this mortal. Until the day she stopped breathing and leave this world, her life would dictate to mine. I would protect Bella’s life with my own. She had no clue the powerful monster that I am nor did she possess any knowledge of the power she had over me. Bella owned me.
She stood with her hand outstretched, waiting for me to take it.
Common sense told me this was not a good idea. Getting to know Bella was not safe. I had, to this point, maintained control. Getting close to her on a more personal level was dangerous for us both. If I lost control, even for a split second, not only could she die at my hand, I would be solely responsible for destroying the only thing that has ever made me feel at peace in the last century of my existence.
Making a human friend of Emmett was dangerous. Making a friend out of my blood singer terrified me. Here she stood, in my apartment, and I could not turn her away. Now that she was here, there was no way I could let her go. As much as she owned me, she was in turn, mine.
I laughed a normal human laugh and shook my head at her. “I have had you naked on my couch,” I glanced at her waiting hand, “I think we are past that.”
She smiled shyly and dropped her arm to her side, her face tinged in crimson and she ducked her head down to hide it. She was so cute when she thought she was hiding from me.
I made a mental note to buy some drinks. If I were a good host I would have offered her something to drink but all I had in the fridge was a few beers Emmett had left here. Other than Emmett I had never had someone here that wasn’t the landlord or the drywall repair guys that came a few weeks ago. Rose came with him once but she was so uncomfortable she didn’t even stay long enough to sit down. It was partially my fault.
I had forgotten about my eyes. Carlisle had made blue lenses for me years ago. They were very similar to the human contact lenses except these were made of glass. They tucked beneath my eyelids and changed my unnatural gold eyes green. My body didn’t react to the glass because it wasn’t under my skin, it wasn’t really comfortable but it wasn’t that bad either. It allowed me to go out and walk among humans so that was good.
Before another awkward moment could occur, Bella turned and walked back to the living room.
“So, where is this shirt collection?” Bella’s curvy hips swayed as she walked to the couch and I couldn’t help but stare at her ass. I was jealous of those jeans, I decided.
Wait. What? Did she just ask me to take her to my bedroom? I may be a vampire but underneath it all, I am still a man and that IS where my closet is. My cock twitched. Easy boy, I willed him to be good.
Not used to having company outside of Emmett I had no idea what I was doing, I crossed the room and plugged in my Ipod. Soft blues filled the room as I flipped the stereo on. “Is this okay? I can find something else.”
“That’s fine. I listen to most kinds of music,” she answered shrugging. “Who is it anyway?”
“Marsalis and Clapton.” I cursed silently, again wishing I knew what was in her head. If she didn’t like it I could change it. I really hoped she did though, music was my hobby and I wanted her to like it too.
She shrugged again. “I like blues I just don’t have a lot of experience with it,” she offered. “Clapton is classic though.”
Walking to the closed door of my bedroom I turned the knob and opened it. “You coming?” I tossed the words over my shoulder.
I knew from the jump of her heartbeat she was. I knew she would follow me before her brain had processed an answer. I may not be able to read her thoughts but hearing her heart beat was the next best thing. The pumping of blood in her chest beat faster when she was near me. Even with my back to her, I could determine if she was angry, scared or excited from listening to her heart and the way she sucked air in and out between her delicate lips.
Her rapid beating heart betrayed her innocent offer of friendship. As soon as she had said the words earlier, I noticed she held her breath and the rhythm in her chest picked up. I excited her much more than a ‘friend’. If she were an animal in the woods she would sense danger, but being restricted to her human body she had no clue.
The reactions she had, were from being around me, Edward, not the monster. I was sure of it. Ignoring the demon inside who was doing back flips and hand stands, I mentally kicked him and jammed my hands back in my pockets.
Every fiber of my being was screaming no as I stepped in to my room and waited for her to join me.
________________
AN:
I apologize for the length of time it has taken me to update. I promise at least a chapter a week forgoing any accidents etc in which case I will be posting to twitter.
My honey is in and out of town busting his ass at work, this being his busiest time of year. When he is gone for a week and home for just a few days before heading out again, my schedule on his home days is completely devoted to him. He is my true love and inspiration.
I am also devoting part of my free time to the OWS movement. If interested on my take please continue reading. This will be my only political note on ff. If not, Ill see you next update! As always, I appreciate the feedback and support.~
In the next hour I will be preparing to join my friends in Orlando. We will be joining with many others to protest the corruption on Wall Street and the big banks that own this country. With nearly every household paying on some sort of loan from the bank, we are all owned by the machine.
I want to raise my children in peace. I want to know that my children are getting a good education with the money the government takes from us in taxes it blows my mind the school cant afford books for the classroom reading center or glue sticks.
My honey and I would love to have healthcare insurance but my preexisting conditions make that impossible along with the high rates we have been quoted. We pay for my son’s insurance.
There is no denying the fact that the rich are getting richer and the poor are falling off the grid. Many of us are struggling with foreclosures and bankruptcies; mortgages and car payments, all of which the big banks and corporations make billions from.
I know the difference in my heart between what’s wrong and right; what’s moral and what’s not. I’m sick of the greed and tired of being a middle class family fighting the odds which say we are in the biggest downgrade to the social class since the Great Depression. My other half works his ass off to provide what few extras we have. It’s not a lot, but we are making it. Thankfully, he has a job, I know so many who do not.
I refuse to believe it is right or just for the rich to continue getting richer while our people struggle and suffer. When there is a family in need, I will be the first to pull a box of food from my pantry to give.
Greed is ugly and I do not allow ugly in my home.
Looking in the face of my sweet innocent five year old son, I think of the almost $40K in debt he already has. We work far too hard to be oppressed to this extent.
Nothing will change if no one says or does anything. Protests are happening around the world. People are tired of being slaves to a system that doesn’t give a rat’s ass if they are making it or not. Our country was founded on equal opportunity and I’m not the only one not feeling it.
I do not have a solution. I wish I did. But I don’t have the fancy education like all of our elected government officials. We elected them because they were educated in economics and such. (If I had half a million dollars I wouldn’t trade it for a Harvard education anyways, Id probably open an animal rescue center or give it to needy people.) They need to do their effin jobs or be let go letting someone else step up. That’s how it is in the real world for us working class. We elected people who are qualified to do the work, unfortunately they don’t have the peoples interests in mind, only their own.
I don’t prescribe to the democrat/republican/tea party bullshit. I am a free thinker and avoid being labeled.
I am not afraid of hard work. I am scared for the future and am outraged by the greedy assholes that have ruined this once great country. Its time to dis-assemble the machine and put the people back on top, the way democracy was meant to be.
I am the 99%.
Alice didn’t chicken out this time. I was kind of glad to have the distraction. Tomorrow was Saturday and I still had no clue what I was going to say when I returned Edward’s shirt. The fact that he consumed me in my dreams, made it hard for me to even think about talking to him. He had only met me once and probably wants nothing to do with me.
I waited in the lobby for Alice. Although I was curious about the procedure, I had no interest in seeing her naked coochie. It was only half an hour before she joined me with a victorious smile. We stopped at the counter where she purchased a bottle of after care lotion.
“So?” I questioned her once we were out of the store and working our way back through the mall. “How is it? Does it hurt?”
Alice looked at me and grinned. “I’m sore but not bad. Pulling the strips was the worst part but it didn’t hurt that bad for long. I have to exfoliate well and stay moisturized.”
Biting my lip, I briefly considered turning around and making an appointment. It sure would be nice to not have to maintain hair down there. There wasn’t much sense in spending the money anyways since I don’t even have a boyfriend, I reasoned. Even still, the way I pictured myself in my dreams intrigued me.
Alright, I conceded in a silent argument. If Edward goes out with me, Ill get it waxed, I made a deal with myself.
“Are you in a hurry to get back?” Alice interrupted the conversation I was having with myself.
“Nope, whatcha thinking?” I glanced over my shoulder to see what she was looking at behind me. Lingerie, I should have known; Alice loves this store. Resisting was useless. I followed the pixie into the shop.
I browsed the baby dolls while Alice tried a few outfits on. I almost choked when she held the first one up on its hanger. It had crimson velour trim and the bodice was black and sheer. The breasts were supported but not covered and the panty was crotch less. The second one she held up was fashioned after a slip dress and made of white sheer with little white feather ruffles along the edges and a matching feathery thong. Unable to decide she bought them both.
I laughed at her at the register, Jasper was in so much trouble and he didn’t even know it. As if she knew what I was thinking, Alice smacked me in the arm and we both burst into giggles.
It was dark when Alice dropped me off. Dad had dozed off in his chair and I didn’t wake him. Grabbing an apple off the counter, I headed upstairs. As soon as I entered the room my eyes landed on the neatly folded shirt sitting at the foot of my bed. I moved around the room setting my back pack by my desk and draping my hoodie over the back of the chair. I glanced at the shirt again and avoided the bed.
After I had showered and put pajamas on I picked up Edward’s shirt off the bed and set it on my dresser. Tomorrow was going to come whether I was ready or not, I decided.
Sleep did not come easy tonight. I grabbed my book. Reading the same page twice, I realized it wasn’t helping and tossed it frustrated on the night stand.
I managed to talk Alice out of coming with me to Port Angeles. She was disappointed but she will live. Edward was under my skin, but really, what was he to me? He was just a guy who picked me up out of the hallway and took care of my pathetic ass when I couldn’t do it myself.
I don’t even know how old he is. He may not be interested in dating a 17 year old. He probably dates older women. I still don’t know that he doesn’t have a girlfriend. I tried to ask Rose about Emmett’s neighbor upstairs and she just looked at me with a blank stare so I dropped it. I don’t think Emmett told her I how I ended up that morning and for that I was grateful.
I asked Alice not to say anything. Rose has been under a lot of stress lately and Alice agreed. It seems like Rose making this commitment was the hardest thing she had ever faced in her life. I know this is not true. Rose has had a rough life and maybe overcoming these commitment issues really was that hard on her.
Edward was just a guy. I couldn’t keep him out of my thoughts during the day or my dreams at night. My obsession with him irked me. It could have been anyone who found me that night. If it had been someone else would I be having these dreams about them instead? I wondered.
Aggravated, I flipped my comforter back and slid off the side of the bed. Stomping to the dresser, I grabbed the shirt wadding it in my fist and stomped back. Climbing back under my blankets I buried my face in his shirt. Even through the perfumes of the detergent and fabric softener, it still smelled like him. Snuggling back in to my pillow like a giddy schoolgirl I keep his wadded shirt on my pillow and closed my eyes.
As I drifted off to sleep I had the feeling I wasn’t alone. It was having his shirt near me that made me feel that way. It was different but nice.
Alice.
“I’m not sick. Are you telling me that you think I am?” I can’t believe he has the nerve to do this to me again, yet here we are. “I’m not taking crazy pills.” Part of me wanted to cry. Just drop to the floor and melt into a puddle; dissolve in to the expensive imported rug that covered the floor in front of dad’s desk.
“Alice,” his voice was sad and pleading. “Please, you can’t keep denying there is something going on with you.”
My body couldn’t have been any more rigid as I stared him down. I love my dad but this is ridiculous. I know there is truth in his words but I refuse to acknowledge them. After all I have been through a few bad dreams weren’t going to be the end of me. People have bad dreams all the time. Granted mine are a bit more frequent and the intensity is surreal. I have handled them for the most part without my dad. He has no clue what I go through; he is rarely here.
I looked at the sad man in front of me. I know his story better than anyone. Loving dad came easy, he was a good man. Sometimes he made me so mad though. Like now, when he was sitting behind his desk, all business, thinking he knew what was best for me. Where exactly he got off I don’t know, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to parade through my life once a week for the last 5 years and then pretend he knows what’s best for me.
I feet bad for him; after mom died he wasn’t the same. I know he is broken, my heart broke with his. The difference between him and me is how we healed. Im not sure he ever did. If anyone needs medication, it’s him, I thought to myself bitterly. He sat with his head hung down his forehead resting on his palms as he stared at his desk.
As much as I empathized with him I couldn’t help be angry, too. For five years, I have cleaned up after myself and assumed most of the duties in this house. Academically, I am doing fantastic, not that he would know. He is never around long enough to keep up on that; I’ve signed his name to every report card since I started high school. I even sign his name to my truancy slips.
Sure, I’m not perfect. But, I have done a damn fine job of holding this façade of a family and it’s household together while he has been out running from whatever ghosts haunt him. He works himself into the ground and then comes home just long enough to see I’ve got everything handled, and then he is gone again.
“Dad, I love you. But, you can’t come in here after all these years and start throwing your weight around. I didn’t ask for you to come to my room,” I continued knowing I was being unreasonable but not caring, “I have been handling the bad dreams for a while now and do just fine without you.” The last of my words caught in my throat and I choked back the tears I could feel welling up.
Dad’s shoulders visibly dropped. I couldn’t bring myself to feel bad for him though. I had gotten by this long without him, I wasn’t about to let him march in here and tell me I needed to be drugged.
“Have a good flight, dad.” I turned and stalked out of the room, my heels clicking across the hard floor as I left.
My nerves were rattled as I pulled the small vodka flask from my dresser drawer. A long sip of liquid courage later, I felt better. Pulling out my phone, I flopped on my bed to text Jasper.
Bella.
I had thought Rose would be around. I knocked twice on Emmett’s door but there was no answer. Cursing under my breath, I decided to suck it up and turned toward the stairs. One foot in front of the other, I coached myself up the steps without tripping.
The closer I got to his door the slower my feet moved. I still had no idea what I was going to say to him, if he is home, I groaned. He had better be. I stooped outside his door for a moment collecting myself. Exhaling loudly, I raised my hand and knocked.
I stood there for a minute and didn’t hear anything. My heart sank in to my stomach. I debated knocking a second time but decided not to. For all I knew he was inside hiding from me, the drunk he peeled off the floor of his apartment building. It really did bother me that the first he ever saw of me was lying in my own vomit.
I don’t know what I expected. I don’t even know why this guy had this effect on me. I thought about him constantly this week, and the dreams, I glanced at the shirt in my hand. He invaded my dreams. I can’t say it feels right because it’s almost awkward to think of someone I don’t even know to this extent, but my mind being consumed by Edward was not unpleasant either.
This was a stupid idea. I should have given the shirt to Emmett to return for me. Using my toe I kicked the floor. Damn. Giving up, I turned to go.
“Bella.” He said my name making me jump. I froze knowing when I turned around I would see him. Slowly I turned.
His blazing, emerald green eyes bore in to my soul. I don’t know how I didn’t notice them before. I was drunk that night but the next morning I wasn’t. These are eyes I would have remembered and it confused me.
Edward leaned in the doorway resting his shoulder on the frame. He was wearing a thin white t-shirt and a pair of worn jeans that were slung low on his hips. His feet were bare and his hair just as wild as it had been in my dreams. My eyes flickered to his mouth and I felt the heat rush to my face and a familiar tingle between my legs.
Inwardly, I kicked myself. This was not the time to be revisiting those sweet dreams. Not only that, but the fact that I had looked him up and down checking him out and made no effort to hide it made me blush even more profusely.
Edward was staring at me, waiting. I opened my mouth but couldn’t form any words. Gulping loudly, I managed to spit out a greeting, “Hi.”
Are you fucking stupid? I screamed at myself. I’m sure I looked like quite the idiot standing dumb in the hall.
Edward pushed off the door jam still looking at me. His eyes never left my face. I watched as his delicious lips curled up on the edges into a smirk. “Do you want to come in?” He sounded unsure of himself but stepped backward and motioned for me to enter.
I nodded, I think. I moved my head and he seemed to understand. The smile that played on his lips made my stomach flip over.
My feet moved slowly forward through the door and into the living room. I heard him close the door behind me and I closed my eyes. I really needed to get it together. I opened my eyes and examined the room. It looked the same as it did the last time I was here. All the surfaces were perfectly polished. There wasn’t a cushion out of place. If he really didn’t have a girlfriend he was definitely suffering from some form of OCD, I concluded.
Edward moved beside me still a few feet away. I managed to look at him and smile this time. My nerves were evident as I held the shirt I clutched in my hand, out to him. “I like the Sex Pistols,” I blurted out.
I don’t know what about Edward made me stand here like an idiot but I was doing a great job. Edward must have found it amusing though. It seemed the more I fumbled the bigger his smile got and I was starting to get irritated. Not so much with him for finding it funny, but with me for being so stupid.
Edward, stepping closer, took the shirt. “It’s not one of my favorites.” He moved to set the shirt on the arm of the couch.
It seemed like my mouth was finally going to cooperate. “It’s the meaning behind the music that made them what they were.”
“Compared to others they weren’t very good at all.” He pressed. Edward moved to sit on the end of the couch gesturing for me to join him.
Sitting opposite him, I noticed how tense he was. Every muscle in his body seemed to be locked yet he looked so calm. “Then why do you have the shirt?” I pried.
“I collect them. Every concert I go to, I buy a shirt.” Edward leaned back to stare at the ceiling, resting his head on the back of the couch, his hands stuffed in his pockets and his legs stretched out under the coffee table. Even in his relaxed pose he looked tense.
My fingers were fidgeting in my lap and the silence was growing awkward.
“Thank you for helping me the other night.” The words came out before I had time to think. I looked to Edward for his reaction. He was so still if his eyes had been closed I would have sworn he was asleep. Nothing, he didn’t respond.
The frustration was welling in me. This was a bad idea. I cursed myself again for not giving the shirt to Emmett. I had no expectations coming here but I don’t do awkward very well and it was beginning to fill the room.
“You shouldn’t be here. Let’s get out of here.” Edward rose off the couch so suddenly, I startled. He made no sense. I was trying to thank him and he wanted to leave? Maybe he just wanted me out of his apartment. Maybe he really couldn’t stand me. I should never have come in, I could have apologized from the hall. But why did he invite me in the first place? I stood up and crossed my arms. If he didn’t want me here fine, I would leave. But I wasn’t leaving without setting a few things straight.
“I don’t know why you keep blowing me off. I’m trying to thank you. I shouldn’t have come here. I know you probably think of me as some pathetic girl who drinks too much and can’t take care of herself but you are wrong.” I moved toward the door, my voice elevated but shaking. “That’s not me. I was hoping to be friends but apparently you are too good for all that.”
Edward didn’t even flinch. His lack of reaction was really pissing me off.
“Have a great life Edward, sorry I bothered you.” I called over my shoulder. I turned my back to him and headed for the door. As my hand touched the knob he was beside me. Again, I jumped. I hadn’t heard him get off the couch. His arm shot past me and held the door closed, blocking my exit.
My temper flared. “What the hell is your problem, Edward?” I half turned to face him. His face was still void of expression but I noticed a drastic change in the color of his eyes. What once was sparkling green now was mottled in a mix of green and possibly brown, I wasn’t sure. I almost got lost in them but checked myself.
Edward opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. I watched as he frowned and slowly removed his hand from the door. “You frustrate me Bella. I don’t know what you’re thinking.” His eyes seemed to plead with me but I couldn’t get past the colors I was seeing. Sometimes a glint of gold, sometimes a spark that appeared almost red but mostly green and brown.
“Of course you don’t, you would have to be a mind reader to do that,” I spat at him. This conversation, if you could call it that, is ridiculous. “Even if you could, you wouldn’t want to know what I am thinking now.” Take that you smug asshole, I thought. What kind of a person refuses to accept an apology?
Edward was silent for a moment, his face searching mine. I stared back at him, not backing down. It didn’t matter that he was quite possibly the sexiest man I had ever laid eyes on. He was rude and judging from his attitude, single too. Even the heat in my panties wasn’t match for my hostility.
“Look I’m gonna go. I really do appreciate what you did.” I reached for the door knob again and again before I touched it he stopped me, this time with words.
“Bella, I- I’m sorry.” His face softened with his tone. “Please, don’t leave.” He almost whispered.
I should have been alarmed at his unusual behavior but strangely I wasn’t. He was standing so close to me I could smell him; the delicious scent rolled off him in intoxicating waves. It was easy to understand my physical attraction to him but the rest was lost to me. I never should have come here in the first place, I reminded myself again, yet when he asked me to stay, I didn’t want to leave.
“What are you thinking?” he eyed me speculatively. Not knowing how to answer him I looked away. Apparently he wasn’t the only one who was having trouble communicating. I wasn’t going to tell him how hot he was leaning over my shoulder holding the door closed; thoughts of being his prisoner spurring my hormones. I wasn’t going to tell him how my heart leapt when he ask me not to go.
“You need to make up your mind. You want me here; you don’t want me here. I don’t think you are stable.” Looking at him for response, I was quickly learning, was useless. Edward was really good at hiding emotion from his face. I looked at the floor. Getting lost in his eyes was all too easy and I was trying to focus.
“You can stay.” He sounded unsure but spoke with authority. He obviously had issues but that didn’t make him any different from the rest of the people I my life.
I laughed. I’m not sure why but it erupted out of me before I could stop it. Edward was looking at me confused which made me laugh even harder. I’m not sure if it was the way Mr. Sexy couldn’t seem to make up his mind or the way I couldn’t seem to form complete thoughts around him.
Leaning his shoulders back against the wall, Edward had his hands jammed in the pockets of his ratted jeans. His face was lit with amusement as he watched my psycho display.
“Alright, let’s start over,” I chuckled catching my breath.
The smile on Edwards face wiped away any traces of anger I had left. “Okay.”
“Hi, I’m Bella,” I giggled this time, extending my hand. Edward liked me enough to ask me to stay.
Edward.
I shouldn’t have opened the door to her but I couldn’t stop myself either. She was here in my apartment. She wasn’t drugged or drunk; she came here to see me. If had blood in my veins, it would have been rushing from the adrenaline.
My Bella, was here, now. I could barely believe it. I had heard her heartbeat when she entered the building. I heard her knock on Emmett’s door. When I heard her start up the step my world slid to a standstill.
Keeping control of myself the last time she had been in my space, was both the most difficult yet easiest charge I’ve had in this life. Every thought I had that night of consuming her essence was countered by thoughts of what my life would be like without Bella in it.
I shook my head. This inner battle raged on. My inner demon was being a sniveling bitch but sticking to his corner. I filled my head with thoughts of everything Bella to keep him at bay. The peace I felt when I am near her, the way her scent makes me burn inside where my heart lay lifeless, the way she excited me physically.
I pushed off the wall; I would have plenty of time to think about this when she was gone. For now she was here. She wanted to be here and I wanted her happy. I would have given almost anything last night to hear her thoughts when she snuggled in to my shirt on her pillow.
My manners were despicable. Sitting on the couch it was all I could do not to reach out to touch her. She was so close yet we could never be closer. The divide between her mortal life and mine was too big. Never in all my years have I been at a loss for words. Even with my superior skills she left me dumbfounded and tripping. I was so busy fighting the demon that I was unable to have a simple human conversation.
Nothing good will come of this, the demon hissed at me.
‘La tua cantante,’ Carlisle’s words echoed in my ears. ‘Her blood sings to you,’ he had said to me several years ago when we discussed my motives for taking up residence here. Carlisle knew I moved here to be close to her. He knew I visited her. I don’t think he understood what I was feeling though, how trapped she kept me. He only knew what he had read in legends and stories from other covens passed down through the generations.
I was a slave to this mortal. Until the day she stopped breathing and leave this world, her life would dictate to mine. I would protect Bella’s life with my own. She had no clue the powerful monster that I am nor did she possess any knowledge of the power she had over me. Bella owned me.
She stood with her hand outstretched, waiting for me to take it.
Common sense told me this was not a good idea. Getting to know Bella was not safe. I had, to this point, maintained control. Getting close to her on a more personal level was dangerous for us both. If I lost control, even for a split second, not only could she die at my hand, I would be solely responsible for destroying the only thing that has ever made me feel at peace in the last century of my existence.
Making a human friend of Emmett was dangerous. Making a friend out of my blood singer terrified me. Here she stood, in my apartment, and I could not turn her away. Now that she was here, there was no way I could let her go. As much as she owned me, she was in turn, mine.
I laughed a normal human laugh and shook my head at her. “I have had you naked on my couch,” I glanced at her waiting hand, “I think we are past that.”
She smiled shyly and dropped her arm to her side, her face tinged in crimson and she ducked her head down to hide it. She was so cute when she thought she was hiding from me.
I made a mental note to buy some drinks. If I were a good host I would have offered her something to drink but all I had in the fridge was a few beers Emmett had left here. Other than Emmett I had never had someone here that wasn’t the landlord or the drywall repair guys that came a few weeks ago. Rose came with him once but she was so uncomfortable she didn’t even stay long enough to sit down. It was partially my fault.
I had forgotten about my eyes. Carlisle had made blue lenses for me years ago. They were very similar to the human contact lenses except these were made of glass. They tucked beneath my eyelids and changed my unnatural gold eyes green. My body didn’t react to the glass because it wasn’t under my skin, it wasn’t really comfortable but it wasn’t that bad either. It allowed me to go out and walk among humans so that was good.
Before another awkward moment could occur, Bella turned and walked back to the living room.
“So, where is this shirt collection?” Bella’s curvy hips swayed as she walked to the couch and I couldn’t help but stare at her ass. I was jealous of those jeans, I decided.
Wait. What? Did she just ask me to take her to my bedroom? I may be a vampire but underneath it all, I am still a man and that IS where my closet is. My cock twitched. Easy boy, I willed him to be good.
Not used to having company outside of Emmett I had no idea what I was doing, I crossed the room and plugged in my Ipod. Soft blues filled the room as I flipped the stereo on. “Is this okay? I can find something else.”
“That’s fine. I listen to most kinds of music,” she answered shrugging. “Who is it anyway?”
“Marsalis and Clapton.” I cursed silently, again wishing I knew what was in her head. If she didn’t like it I could change it. I really hoped she did though, music was my hobby and I wanted her to like it too.
She shrugged again. “I like blues I just don’t have a lot of experience with it,” she offered. “Clapton is classic though.”
Walking to the closed door of my bedroom I turned the knob and opened it. “You coming?” I tossed the words over my shoulder.
I knew from the jump of her heartbeat she was. I knew she would follow me before her brain had processed an answer. I may not be able to read her thoughts but hearing her heart beat was the next best thing. The pumping of blood in her chest beat faster when she was near me. Even with my back to her, I could determine if she was angry, scared or excited from listening to her heart and the way she sucked air in and out between her delicate lips.
Her rapid beating heart betrayed her innocent offer of friendship. As soon as she had said the words earlier, I noticed she held her breath and the rhythm in her chest picked up. I excited her much more than a ‘friend’. If she were an animal in the woods she would sense danger, but being restricted to her human body she had no clue.
The reactions she had, were from being around me, Edward, not the monster. I was sure of it. Ignoring the demon inside who was doing back flips and hand stands, I mentally kicked him and jammed my hands back in my pockets.
Every fiber of my being was screaming no as I stepped in to my room and waited for her to join me.
________________
AN:
I apologize for the length of time it has taken me to update. I promise at least a chapter a week forgoing any accidents etc in which case I will be posting to twitter.
My honey is in and out of town busting his ass at work, this being his busiest time of year. When he is gone for a week and home for just a few days before heading out again, my schedule on his home days is completely devoted to him. He is my true love and inspiration.
I am also devoting part of my free time to the OWS movement. If interested on my take please continue reading. This will be my only political note on ff. If not, Ill see you next update! As always, I appreciate the feedback and support.~
In the next hour I will be preparing to join my friends in Orlando. We will be joining with many others to protest the corruption on Wall Street and the big banks that own this country. With nearly every household paying on some sort of loan from the bank, we are all owned by the machine.
I want to raise my children in peace. I want to know that my children are getting a good education with the money the government takes from us in taxes it blows my mind the school cant afford books for the classroom reading center or glue sticks.
My honey and I would love to have healthcare insurance but my preexisting conditions make that impossible along with the high rates we have been quoted. We pay for my son’s insurance.
There is no denying the fact that the rich are getting richer and the poor are falling off the grid. Many of us are struggling with foreclosures and bankruptcies; mortgages and car payments, all of which the big banks and corporations make billions from.
I know the difference in my heart between what’s wrong and right; what’s moral and what’s not. I’m sick of the greed and tired of being a middle class family fighting the odds which say we are in the biggest downgrade to the social class since the Great Depression. My other half works his ass off to provide what few extras we have. It’s not a lot, but we are making it. Thankfully, he has a job, I know so many who do not.
I refuse to believe it is right or just for the rich to continue getting richer while our people struggle and suffer. When there is a family in need, I will be the first to pull a box of food from my pantry to give.
Greed is ugly and I do not allow ugly in my home.
Looking in the face of my sweet innocent five year old son, I think of the almost $40K in debt he already has. We work far too hard to be oppressed to this extent.
Nothing will change if no one says or does anything. Protests are happening around the world. People are tired of being slaves to a system that doesn’t give a rat’s ass if they are making it or not. Our country was founded on equal opportunity and I’m not the only one not feeling it.
I do not have a solution. I wish I did. But I don’t have the fancy education like all of our elected government officials. We elected them because they were educated in economics and such. (If I had half a million dollars I wouldn’t trade it for a Harvard education anyways, Id probably open an animal rescue center or give it to needy people.) They need to do their effin jobs or be let go letting someone else step up. That’s how it is in the real world for us working class. We elected people who are qualified to do the work, unfortunately they don’t have the peoples interests in mind, only their own.
I don’t prescribe to the democrat/republican/tea party bullshit. I am a free thinker and avoid being labeled.
I am not afraid of hard work. I am scared for the future and am outraged by the greedy assholes that have ruined this once great country. Its time to dis-assemble the machine and put the people back on top, the way democracy was meant to be.
I am the 99%.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Ch 13: Bare Twice
Bella.
I was lying naked on the bed as he approached me, shivering in anticipation. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. Edward’s shirt was unbuttoned and exposed his smooth chest. I was instantly wet.
Edward smiled down at me. I wanted to reach for him but my hands were tied together and stretched over my head to the bed frame. A gag firmly in place between my lips, I pleaded for his mercy with my eyes. My body was so hot it was burning, everywhere.
Edward turned his back to me and I watched him slide the shirt off, his creamy skin taunt over his muscled shoulders. I squeezed my thighs together, rubbing them slightly, but it didn’t help with the anxious spasms. He heard me moving and turned around. Crossing back to the bed, he shook his head at me disapprovingly. The corners of his lips turned up as he spoke, “Shhhh, darling. Have I ever not satisfied you?” I stared up in to his fuck hot eyes and slowly shook my head ‘no’.
“Bella, if you want to cum you are going to have to be a good girl, do you understand me?” He was teasing me and I knew it. I loved this game. Edward moved from my side to the foot of the bed. “Open up for me, baby. Show me how good you are going to be for me.” His eyes were trained between my thighs as I slowly parted my legs planting my feet on the bed with my knees bent. I wouldn’t deny him, not tonight, that was a different game. Tonight, I am the willing victim. Waves of lust surged through my wetness as I thought of all the other games I wanted to play with him.
I watched as he lit several candles and placed them around the room. I didn’t recognize my surroundings but it didn’t matter. It was clean and didn’t have much floor space, decorated in oranges and browns. Edward left the lamp in the corner on, turning off the main lights.
Leaning over, he brought his face inches from me. His eyes connected with mine. I could feel his breath on my lips. I held my breath as his index finger to trace the swatch of fabric across my cheek. The ball in my mouth was held in place by blue satin ribbons that tied behind my head.
“I am going to fuck you, Isabella,” he whispered, his words alone almost sending me to orgasm. I looked up at him, begging for it. I wanted him to fuck me. “But first,” he continued, “I am going to play with you. I like to play with my prisoners.” My entire body exploded in chill bumps. “Oh poor baby,” he mocked my reaction. Sitting on the edge of the bed, ever so lightly, he dragged one knuckle down the outside of my outstretched arm from elbow to my shoulder. My skin was so feverish, his light touch felt cool and tickled sensually.
Yes, yes, I want to be played with, my mind screeched. I arched my back against the bed. The fabric that bound my hands was tight and I could feel it chaffing when I pulled against it. Slowly, he reached for the small white container on the table beside the bed. My eyes widened; I knew what was next. Edward moved so precisely, every movement calculated. He held an ice cube up in front of me so I could see it. He watched my face for reaction and I obliged his with another involuntary shiver.
I closed my eyes and winced a bit when I felt the small bit of frozen water make contact with my nipple. I opened my eyes to watch him. I can’t say I cared for the ice on nipples but watching him do this to me was the fucking hot. I hardly even noticed the brutal cold numbing my flesh after a few seconds. Edward continued rolling the ice in circles around the tiny bud that was quickly going numb. He moved his eyes from my face to my nipple several times before the cube was almost completely gone. The bed was wet beneath me where the ice water had run down my side.
“Was that cold, Isabella?” he ask me and I nodded my head. He fished in the bucket again, this time producing two ice cubes. “Hmmm, let’s try this.” This time each nipple was assaulted with its own cube. I gasp behind the gag at the contact on the previously neglected nipple.
Without stopping the circular motion, he locked his eyes with mine, a wicked grin on his face. “I like the way your nipples get so hard, Isabella. I like the way your tits react to me.” His hand disappeared in the ice bucket again. I moaned against the smooth ball in my mouth and arched my back. With my eyes closed, I heard him retrieving more ice.
The heat radiating from the bare spot between my legs intensified. Edward balanced a small cube of ice on my belly button. I sucked in my breath as he brought another cube to my skin just behind my ear. Ever so slowly, he guided it down my neck, tracing my collarbone. Farther down he went, making wide circles between my breasts and down my sides. The ice left a burning trail as he circled between my hipbones.
He loved this. Every time I would twist or arch to meet his touch the darkness intensified in his eyes. That moment, I lived for no other reason than to give him pleasure; his pleasure is my pleasure. My comfort is not relevant.
While he had my attention focused on his hand that was steadily making laps around my pelvis, he brought his other hand to my chilled nipples and began to pinch them taking turns. At first, he pinched lightly and it felt good. I pushed my chest forward to meet him. The third pass he squeezed hard and I flinched a bit. They weren’t as numb as before and the pins and needles feeling mixed in the sting of his touch. When he pinched hard, he rubbed the nub gently before assaulting the other side. Back and forth, he loved the way my body reacted to him.
“Are you a greedy little girl, Isabella?” I nodded shyly at him playing the part. Keeping my lashes lowered and peeking up with him with the most innocent eyes I could muster,
Yes, I want more, they said.
The bed was thoroughly soaked under me when Edward decided to retire the ice. I couldn’t hold still against my restraints. How long he wanted to play was completely up to him.
“You are being such a very good girl, Isabella.” Edward appraised me thoughtfully. I had handled the ice and the pinching well. He knew I was inexperienced and he was patient, taking his time with me.
“I am going to release your mouth.” I looked at him knowing exactly what he wanted and turned my head so he could untie the silky straps behind my head. Gently, he removed the ball from my mouth and I smiled at him gratefully.
He had removed his pants and was standing beside the bed in black boxers. The erection in them was enormous. The fabric was tented and pulled at the seams under the strain of his hardness.
“Tell me, Isabella, do you see something you like?” His voice was steady and in control.
My eyes trained on the silky black fabric I forgot I wasn’t gagged and nodded my head ‘yes’.
‘Tsk, tsk, Isabella. I removed the ball so you could speak to me and you refuse?” His hand shot to my breast and he flicked my nipple hard. Tears sprang to my eyes and my eyes jumped to meet his. “Isabella, if you are not good for me I will have to punish you. You don’t want that do you?”
“N- no,” I meekly whispered, again, playing my part. It was so hard not to bring my legs together. The heat was building between my legs to an all new high. I kept my feet planted firmly on the bed, saving that defiant gesture for later, if needed.
“Good. If you are bad for me Isabella, I will have to hurt you.” He made sure he had my full attention. “If you are not a good girl for me, I will take you to the parking lot and bend you over by the street and fuck you in the ass for the world to see. Would you like that, Isabella?”
I opened my eyes wide in mock horror and whimpered, “N- no.” I tried not to smile but it slipped out.
Edwards’s eyes were dark. “I think you would like that, wouldn’t you? I think you would.” He answered for me. “I never would have thought such a pretty little girl would be such a dirty whore.” He grabbed the scarves binding my hands and yanked on them making my wrists burn.
“Tell me Isabella, you filthy slut, what it is you will do for me if I free your hands.”
I knew the best way to bring him to the edge was to give him a blow job. I wanted to feel his hard dick in my mouth. I wanted to tease him the way that he was teasing me. He reached for the bucket of ice and set it on the bed by my hip.
“I want to suck your cock,” I answered him lifting my head off the bed to look at him. Willing him to let my arms free, they were going numb from being over my head for so long and I wanted to touch him so badly.
Edward chuckled. “I bet you do,” he conceded as he slid toward the foot of the bed, “but you don’t need your hands to do that.” I laid my head back down on the bed. Holding it up was making my neck ache.
I didn’t have to look to know he was between my legs. Edward blew on my hot core and my legs started shaking. His face was so close. I moved my hips wanting to feel his mouth on me. Raising my head off the bed, I looked down, watching him explore me with his eyes.
Edward shifted his weight and his hand went to the ice bucket still on the bed beside me. Fishing out a cube he settled back in position between my knees and resumed blowing sending shivers up my body, I was so slippery and hot. Deliberately, Edward began running the ice up and down my folds, circling my clit which sent me writhing.
“Edward, please,” I breathed, squeezing my eyes shut and pushing my head back into the bed. I felt the ice as he slipped it inside me, the small cube melting slowly. It felt so good mixing with my raging heat.
“Look at me, baby, I want you to see me tasting you.” Edward ordered me softly. I raised my head off the bed again and watched as his face disappeared below me. All I could see was his gorgeous eyes that he had trained on my face. He moved excruciatingly slow, knowing he was torturing me. I lifted my hips up to meet him.
Then it was over. Coming to, I slammed my hand down on the alarm clock. Damn it!
This was the second time this week I had dreamed about him. I can’t say I minded; the stuff I imagined him doing was fantastic. The biggest problem was, both times I had been cut short of my happy ending. Throwing my covers off, I stomped off to the bathroom frustrated. Turning on the shower, I stripped out of my tank top and boy shorts and waited for the water to get hot.
Facing the mirror I looked at my body. I wasn’t tiny like Alice. I had a medium frame; my hips and breasts were full and well rounded but not large. I wasn’t beautiful like Rose but I wasn’t ugly; just average and okay looking. Glancing down at my breasts, I brought my hand to my nipple and pinched it lightly. I could still feel his breath on me and indeed, I was not only hot in my dreams, I smiled at the humidity I could still feel down there. Edward made me hot when I wasn’t dreaming too.
I closed my eyes and ran my fingers down my stomach until I had crossed the small patch of brown hair and ran my finger around my wet clit. Closing my eyes, I leaned back against the wall continuing to languidly rub my, now throbbing, womanhood.
The water was hot so I stepped in the shower and pulled the curtain closed. Leaning against the wall I let the steam overtake me. The searing water felt good on my skin. My mind returned to the sweet dreams I was having before my alarm went off. I closed my eyes.
Pinching my nipple in one hand, I rubbed my clit harder with my other. It wasn’t long before I had fully worked myself into frenzy and slipped a finger inside my wet pussy massaging the spasms.
I assaulted my senses with visuals of last night escapades. Two fingers in, I pumped in and out, slow at first. The closer I got to orgasm the faster my hand smacked in and out of me. The sounds of the shower drown out the slapping noise as my hand came in contact with the wet.
I pictured Edward’s face disappearing between my legs with my hands tied over my head. That did it. I leaned heavily on the wall as orgasm rocked my body. I couldn’t remove my fingers until the throbbing waves stopped. I was so sensitive when I came. I stood there for a few minutes trying to catch my breath. I was light headed in the steam and taking deep breaths I eventually became regulated again.
Reaching for my body wash and loofah before all the hot water ran out, I was partially relieved. The level of frustration I had waking up, was so intense one orgasm wasn’t going to do much. But, it did help.
Shaking my head, I smiled. Maybe Edward won’t want to go out on a ‘friend’s night’ like Alice suggested, if that’s the case maybe I can ask him to eat me. Laughing at myself, I scoured my body and shampooed my hair. I may have been a lot of things, but I wasn’t that kind of girl. It made for a nice day dream though.
It was Thursday. There was a fine mist that hung in the air with a good bit of chill. Still early in the year, it was typical. Not wanting to be caught undressed by the sometimes too helpful Alice, I quickly tossed on my black skinny jeans and a red v-neck sweater. I grabbed my black hoodie and headed downstairs to wait for the pixie.
Right on time, I heard Alice’s car door close. Moments later, she flitted through the front door, high on life as usual. Her make-up was a little darker today and she looked great. Alice wore clothes that would spell fashion disaster on anyone but her. Today she had on blue and black plaid slacks that hugged her hips and ass and dropped straight from the knee. Under her long black coat, her sweater was a cream knit that scooped low and tight fitting to her curves. Even in her three inch heeled black boots, the top of her head was eye level to me.
“You must be caught up on your beauty sleep,” she observed me as I finished of the last of my coffee.
I smirked. I knew what she meant. I felt good this morning and it must have showed. I grunted in a dad-like response and turned my back to her so she couldn’t see the smile that crawled on my face. I busied myself with pulling dinner out of the freezer.
“So, Bella,” Alice paused.
Ut oh. Warning flags went up in my head. I looked at my friend who was definitely up to something. She always approach me the same way when she was about to proposition me. It wasn’t always bad but I knew her well enough to know she was going to try to talk me in to something.
“Yeah,” I looked at her and then back to my backpack I was rummaging through. My Ipod had dropped to the bottom of my bag and I had forgotten to fish it back out last night.
“I’m going to Port Angeles tomorrow after school and thought maybe you might want to come along.”
I looked up at Alice and waited for her to go on.
“I have an appointment, I’m going bare.” She giggled. “My appointment is at 4:30 so we will have plenty of time.”
“You are crazy,” I laughed loudly. “That’s going to hurt like hell. I thought you weren’t going to do that.” I thought back to last year when she made an appointment to get waxed and chickened out.
Alice just smiled at me sweetly. “I want to,” her voice softened, “Its going to be a surprise for Jasper.”
“What?” I squawked at her wide eyed. Alice was still a virgin, last I knew.
She rolled her eyes at me. “C’mon, we are going to be late,” she held the door open impatiently and we headed to her car.
We were half way to school and Alice hadn’t said anything. She was humming along to the radio like she didn’t just drop a bomb in my kitchen. Alice and Jasper had only been dating for two weeks. It was unlike Alice to move so fast with a guy. Especially considering what she was planning and her motives for doing so.
As if she knew what I was thinking, Alice turned down the radio and pursed her lips. “He is the one Bella,” she said in tender determination.
I looked at her solemn face. She was serious.
“But, how do you know?” I didn’t understand how she could possibly come to this conclusion in just a few weeks. The fact that Alice just declared she found ‘the one’ fed my fears of Alice’s uncertain future. She often acted impulsively, but something as big as declaring she found her one and only was not something I could see her come to terms with lightly. Alice was smart and good at thinking things through.
“I just know,” she voiced in a firm whisper. She sucked in the tiny stud that adorned her lip. “It’s a feeling. I knew it the first time we went out. The first time he touched my hand and every time he has touched me since. He was made for me and me for him. We are perfect.”
There was no arguing with her about it. It seemed ridiculous to me that she would know all that from a handful of dates and all the texting. We pulled in to the school and Alice parked in her usual spot. Her face lit up when she saw Jasper waiting for her. I was barely out of the car and she was already wrapped in his arms, whispering in his ear.
I grumbled, “Morning, Rose,” which she returned to me with equal enthusiasm. At least I wasn’t the only one around here that wasn’t always a morning person. I liked it when Rose matched my mood; it made me less grumpy not being alone.
“So, Bella, About tomorrow..?” Alice called over her shoulder at me as Rose and I followed her and Jasper up the stairs.
I shrugged my shoulders, “I guess.” I sighed. Alice and Jasper disappeared in the crowded hallway and I turned to Rose.
“Are you going with?” I assumed Rose knew what I meant and she did. She and Alice like to text a lot. Personally, I hated it when my phone was always beeping.
“Nah, I have a paper I have to finish on the downfall of modern feminism and how all these dumb bitches put themselves in the spotlight defeating the purpose of the movement.” Rose smirked. Leave it to Rose to write a paper about something like that.
“You still spending the weekend at Emmett’s?” If she was there it would be easier for me to make the trip to Edward’s to return his shirt Saturday.
“Yeah, I’ll be there.” She flashed me her signature smile.
Rose, unlike Alice, had always been promiscuous. She lost her virginity when she was 14 and had been with several guys since. She even experimented with Jessica Stanley before Jessica turned in to the school whore. Last year Jessica’s parents shipped her away after she got pregnant and was unable to identify the father. That chick made my skin crawl and nobody missed her except maybe the football team.
In first period English, the class was given free time to work on the book report due next week. I had finished mine two days ago. Pulling my papers in front of me to appear busy, I let my mind wander.
Saturday, I would return Edward’s shirt. I still hadn’t figured out what I was going to say to him and I kept running scenarios through my mind.
Knock. Door opens. ‘Hi, Edward, I wanted to thank you for helping me.’ Lame.
Knock. Door opens. ‘Hi Edward, here is your shirt.’ Duh.
Knock. Door opens. ‘I washed your shirt, Alice wants us to go out, as friends?” Horrible.
Knock. Door opens slowly. Edward smiles seductively and pulls me inside. Pulling down my pants he lifts me up and I straddle him with my back against the door. Not likely.
Fuck. Me.
I giggled at the irony of my last thought. I seriously needed to get a grip. I still hadn’t confirmed he was single yet.
Mr. Garlett cleared his throat at the front of the room. I looked up and realized I shared my amusement out loud with the class. Thankfully, the few glances I received, found nothing when they looked to see why I was giggling and they had resumed to the tasks in front of them.
My thoughts turned to Alice and her plans for tomorrow. She was definitely nuts. I know she and her dad got on extremely well but I bet that relationship would be different if he knew the things she did without his knowledge.
Alice and her father worked so well together I couldn’t help but be a bit envious. To an outsider it might not have appeared appropriate but there was nothing inappropriate going on. Alice was simply the woman of the house and Greg was the provider. They had a lot in common and Greg was always there for her when she needed him to be but he didn’t play the controlling, judgmental parent.
Dad and I were different. I lived under his constant scrutiny. Dad thrived on routine and if I had an off day he would pick up on it right away. Maybe it was because he was law enforcement but I couldn’t help but feel he was always watching me, waiting for me to screw up. He let me run the house, like Alice’s dad, but everything I did was done according to how he liked it. Alice was able to personalize her household; mine was personalized but with dad in mind.
Alice was crazy. A small grin played across my face at the thought of Alice walking funny after tomorrow. As much as I teased her about it the last time she made the appointment, I had always hoped secretly she would do it. I was curious. In my dream last night, and the one night before last, I was bare both times.
I bet Edward would like that, I mused. A familiar tingling graced my crotch and I felt the humidity rise a level in my panties. Flashes of Edward between my legs and the amazing orgasm I gave myself in the shower made my sweet spot throb.
Remembering I was in first period English, my face flushed crimson. Quickly looking around the room I was satisfied no one had noticed. I squeezed my legs together and mindlessly began to review notes for my second period Biology class.
It was going to be a long day, in the same breath, Saturday was only day after tomorrow and it was flying up on me. I sighed, catching the attention of Mr. Garlett again. Ducking my head, I forced myself to stay on task.
The morning’s classes flew past and soon I was joining Alice and Rose at our table. Jasper had joined us earlier in the week and now seemed to have made our table, his. He was quiet most of the time not having much to contribute to the gossip and girl talk that went on. I didn’t mind him being there in the least, even if I was concerned about how quickly Alice had latched on to him. Watching them together I could only admit that she was right. For now anyways, they were perfect for each other. I just hoped for Alice’s sake it would last.
After lunch I had PE and music. The school hired a temp to take over the music class since there were only a few months left in the school year. She introduced herself as Vicki Biers. She was a lot younger than Mrs. Cope was, looking to be in her mid 30’s at most. Her striking, red hair fell in wild curls to her waist. Vicky had a friendly face and outgoing personality, it seemed to draw every one in and we all took a liking to her, it would be hard not to, she was great for a teacher.
She favored the piano and through the week she played several classical pieces for the class. Our assignments were short descriptions analyzing notes and chords. Music wasn’t a hard class but Mrs. Cope always made it drag. Vicki was full of energy and was constantly interacting with the students, asking questions and making us think. I decided music was my new favorite period.
I almost made it through the whole class without thinking about propositioning Edward, my crazy friend, the pixie, or the fantasies that followed me out of bed.
The song today, made me think of Edward. It wasn’t what I had been thinking all day. I was hung up on something different. I couldn’t remember the color of his eyes. Or at least, decide on a color. Thinking back, all I could remember was darkness.
They were dark and brooding, like the song Vicki played.
____________
AN:
I figured it was time to step things up a bit. I didn’t plan on updating so soon but this chapter just sort of happened. ;)
Enjoy!!
I was lying naked on the bed as he approached me, shivering in anticipation. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. Edward’s shirt was unbuttoned and exposed his smooth chest. I was instantly wet.
Edward smiled down at me. I wanted to reach for him but my hands were tied together and stretched over my head to the bed frame. A gag firmly in place between my lips, I pleaded for his mercy with my eyes. My body was so hot it was burning, everywhere.
Edward turned his back to me and I watched him slide the shirt off, his creamy skin taunt over his muscled shoulders. I squeezed my thighs together, rubbing them slightly, but it didn’t help with the anxious spasms. He heard me moving and turned around. Crossing back to the bed, he shook his head at me disapprovingly. The corners of his lips turned up as he spoke, “Shhhh, darling. Have I ever not satisfied you?” I stared up in to his fuck hot eyes and slowly shook my head ‘no’.
“Bella, if you want to cum you are going to have to be a good girl, do you understand me?” He was teasing me and I knew it. I loved this game. Edward moved from my side to the foot of the bed. “Open up for me, baby. Show me how good you are going to be for me.” His eyes were trained between my thighs as I slowly parted my legs planting my feet on the bed with my knees bent. I wouldn’t deny him, not tonight, that was a different game. Tonight, I am the willing victim. Waves of lust surged through my wetness as I thought of all the other games I wanted to play with him.
I watched as he lit several candles and placed them around the room. I didn’t recognize my surroundings but it didn’t matter. It was clean and didn’t have much floor space, decorated in oranges and browns. Edward left the lamp in the corner on, turning off the main lights.
Leaning over, he brought his face inches from me. His eyes connected with mine. I could feel his breath on my lips. I held my breath as his index finger to trace the swatch of fabric across my cheek. The ball in my mouth was held in place by blue satin ribbons that tied behind my head.
“I am going to fuck you, Isabella,” he whispered, his words alone almost sending me to orgasm. I looked up at him, begging for it. I wanted him to fuck me. “But first,” he continued, “I am going to play with you. I like to play with my prisoners.” My entire body exploded in chill bumps. “Oh poor baby,” he mocked my reaction. Sitting on the edge of the bed, ever so lightly, he dragged one knuckle down the outside of my outstretched arm from elbow to my shoulder. My skin was so feverish, his light touch felt cool and tickled sensually.
Yes, yes, I want to be played with, my mind screeched. I arched my back against the bed. The fabric that bound my hands was tight and I could feel it chaffing when I pulled against it. Slowly, he reached for the small white container on the table beside the bed. My eyes widened; I knew what was next. Edward moved so precisely, every movement calculated. He held an ice cube up in front of me so I could see it. He watched my face for reaction and I obliged his with another involuntary shiver.
I closed my eyes and winced a bit when I felt the small bit of frozen water make contact with my nipple. I opened my eyes to watch him. I can’t say I cared for the ice on nipples but watching him do this to me was the fucking hot. I hardly even noticed the brutal cold numbing my flesh after a few seconds. Edward continued rolling the ice in circles around the tiny bud that was quickly going numb. He moved his eyes from my face to my nipple several times before the cube was almost completely gone. The bed was wet beneath me where the ice water had run down my side.
“Was that cold, Isabella?” he ask me and I nodded my head. He fished in the bucket again, this time producing two ice cubes. “Hmmm, let’s try this.” This time each nipple was assaulted with its own cube. I gasp behind the gag at the contact on the previously neglected nipple.
Without stopping the circular motion, he locked his eyes with mine, a wicked grin on his face. “I like the way your nipples get so hard, Isabella. I like the way your tits react to me.” His hand disappeared in the ice bucket again. I moaned against the smooth ball in my mouth and arched my back. With my eyes closed, I heard him retrieving more ice.
The heat radiating from the bare spot between my legs intensified. Edward balanced a small cube of ice on my belly button. I sucked in my breath as he brought another cube to my skin just behind my ear. Ever so slowly, he guided it down my neck, tracing my collarbone. Farther down he went, making wide circles between my breasts and down my sides. The ice left a burning trail as he circled between my hipbones.
He loved this. Every time I would twist or arch to meet his touch the darkness intensified in his eyes. That moment, I lived for no other reason than to give him pleasure; his pleasure is my pleasure. My comfort is not relevant.
While he had my attention focused on his hand that was steadily making laps around my pelvis, he brought his other hand to my chilled nipples and began to pinch them taking turns. At first, he pinched lightly and it felt good. I pushed my chest forward to meet him. The third pass he squeezed hard and I flinched a bit. They weren’t as numb as before and the pins and needles feeling mixed in the sting of his touch. When he pinched hard, he rubbed the nub gently before assaulting the other side. Back and forth, he loved the way my body reacted to him.
“Are you a greedy little girl, Isabella?” I nodded shyly at him playing the part. Keeping my lashes lowered and peeking up with him with the most innocent eyes I could muster,
Yes, I want more, they said.
The bed was thoroughly soaked under me when Edward decided to retire the ice. I couldn’t hold still against my restraints. How long he wanted to play was completely up to him.
“You are being such a very good girl, Isabella.” Edward appraised me thoughtfully. I had handled the ice and the pinching well. He knew I was inexperienced and he was patient, taking his time with me.
“I am going to release your mouth.” I looked at him knowing exactly what he wanted and turned my head so he could untie the silky straps behind my head. Gently, he removed the ball from my mouth and I smiled at him gratefully.
He had removed his pants and was standing beside the bed in black boxers. The erection in them was enormous. The fabric was tented and pulled at the seams under the strain of his hardness.
“Tell me, Isabella, do you see something you like?” His voice was steady and in control.
My eyes trained on the silky black fabric I forgot I wasn’t gagged and nodded my head ‘yes’.
‘Tsk, tsk, Isabella. I removed the ball so you could speak to me and you refuse?” His hand shot to my breast and he flicked my nipple hard. Tears sprang to my eyes and my eyes jumped to meet his. “Isabella, if you are not good for me I will have to punish you. You don’t want that do you?”
“N- no,” I meekly whispered, again, playing my part. It was so hard not to bring my legs together. The heat was building between my legs to an all new high. I kept my feet planted firmly on the bed, saving that defiant gesture for later, if needed.
“Good. If you are bad for me Isabella, I will have to hurt you.” He made sure he had my full attention. “If you are not a good girl for me, I will take you to the parking lot and bend you over by the street and fuck you in the ass for the world to see. Would you like that, Isabella?”
I opened my eyes wide in mock horror and whimpered, “N- no.” I tried not to smile but it slipped out.
Edwards’s eyes were dark. “I think you would like that, wouldn’t you? I think you would.” He answered for me. “I never would have thought such a pretty little girl would be such a dirty whore.” He grabbed the scarves binding my hands and yanked on them making my wrists burn.
“Tell me Isabella, you filthy slut, what it is you will do for me if I free your hands.”
I knew the best way to bring him to the edge was to give him a blow job. I wanted to feel his hard dick in my mouth. I wanted to tease him the way that he was teasing me. He reached for the bucket of ice and set it on the bed by my hip.
“I want to suck your cock,” I answered him lifting my head off the bed to look at him. Willing him to let my arms free, they were going numb from being over my head for so long and I wanted to touch him so badly.
Edward chuckled. “I bet you do,” he conceded as he slid toward the foot of the bed, “but you don’t need your hands to do that.” I laid my head back down on the bed. Holding it up was making my neck ache.
I didn’t have to look to know he was between my legs. Edward blew on my hot core and my legs started shaking. His face was so close. I moved my hips wanting to feel his mouth on me. Raising my head off the bed, I looked down, watching him explore me with his eyes.
Edward shifted his weight and his hand went to the ice bucket still on the bed beside me. Fishing out a cube he settled back in position between my knees and resumed blowing sending shivers up my body, I was so slippery and hot. Deliberately, Edward began running the ice up and down my folds, circling my clit which sent me writhing.
“Edward, please,” I breathed, squeezing my eyes shut and pushing my head back into the bed. I felt the ice as he slipped it inside me, the small cube melting slowly. It felt so good mixing with my raging heat.
“Look at me, baby, I want you to see me tasting you.” Edward ordered me softly. I raised my head off the bed again and watched as his face disappeared below me. All I could see was his gorgeous eyes that he had trained on my face. He moved excruciatingly slow, knowing he was torturing me. I lifted my hips up to meet him.
Then it was over. Coming to, I slammed my hand down on the alarm clock. Damn it!
This was the second time this week I had dreamed about him. I can’t say I minded; the stuff I imagined him doing was fantastic. The biggest problem was, both times I had been cut short of my happy ending. Throwing my covers off, I stomped off to the bathroom frustrated. Turning on the shower, I stripped out of my tank top and boy shorts and waited for the water to get hot.
Facing the mirror I looked at my body. I wasn’t tiny like Alice. I had a medium frame; my hips and breasts were full and well rounded but not large. I wasn’t beautiful like Rose but I wasn’t ugly; just average and okay looking. Glancing down at my breasts, I brought my hand to my nipple and pinched it lightly. I could still feel his breath on me and indeed, I was not only hot in my dreams, I smiled at the humidity I could still feel down there. Edward made me hot when I wasn’t dreaming too.
I closed my eyes and ran my fingers down my stomach until I had crossed the small patch of brown hair and ran my finger around my wet clit. Closing my eyes, I leaned back against the wall continuing to languidly rub my, now throbbing, womanhood.
The water was hot so I stepped in the shower and pulled the curtain closed. Leaning against the wall I let the steam overtake me. The searing water felt good on my skin. My mind returned to the sweet dreams I was having before my alarm went off. I closed my eyes.
Pinching my nipple in one hand, I rubbed my clit harder with my other. It wasn’t long before I had fully worked myself into frenzy and slipped a finger inside my wet pussy massaging the spasms.
I assaulted my senses with visuals of last night escapades. Two fingers in, I pumped in and out, slow at first. The closer I got to orgasm the faster my hand smacked in and out of me. The sounds of the shower drown out the slapping noise as my hand came in contact with the wet.
I pictured Edward’s face disappearing between my legs with my hands tied over my head. That did it. I leaned heavily on the wall as orgasm rocked my body. I couldn’t remove my fingers until the throbbing waves stopped. I was so sensitive when I came. I stood there for a few minutes trying to catch my breath. I was light headed in the steam and taking deep breaths I eventually became regulated again.
Reaching for my body wash and loofah before all the hot water ran out, I was partially relieved. The level of frustration I had waking up, was so intense one orgasm wasn’t going to do much. But, it did help.
Shaking my head, I smiled. Maybe Edward won’t want to go out on a ‘friend’s night’ like Alice suggested, if that’s the case maybe I can ask him to eat me. Laughing at myself, I scoured my body and shampooed my hair. I may have been a lot of things, but I wasn’t that kind of girl. It made for a nice day dream though.
It was Thursday. There was a fine mist that hung in the air with a good bit of chill. Still early in the year, it was typical. Not wanting to be caught undressed by the sometimes too helpful Alice, I quickly tossed on my black skinny jeans and a red v-neck sweater. I grabbed my black hoodie and headed downstairs to wait for the pixie.
Right on time, I heard Alice’s car door close. Moments later, she flitted through the front door, high on life as usual. Her make-up was a little darker today and she looked great. Alice wore clothes that would spell fashion disaster on anyone but her. Today she had on blue and black plaid slacks that hugged her hips and ass and dropped straight from the knee. Under her long black coat, her sweater was a cream knit that scooped low and tight fitting to her curves. Even in her three inch heeled black boots, the top of her head was eye level to me.
“You must be caught up on your beauty sleep,” she observed me as I finished of the last of my coffee.
I smirked. I knew what she meant. I felt good this morning and it must have showed. I grunted in a dad-like response and turned my back to her so she couldn’t see the smile that crawled on my face. I busied myself with pulling dinner out of the freezer.
“So, Bella,” Alice paused.
Ut oh. Warning flags went up in my head. I looked at my friend who was definitely up to something. She always approach me the same way when she was about to proposition me. It wasn’t always bad but I knew her well enough to know she was going to try to talk me in to something.
“Yeah,” I looked at her and then back to my backpack I was rummaging through. My Ipod had dropped to the bottom of my bag and I had forgotten to fish it back out last night.
“I’m going to Port Angeles tomorrow after school and thought maybe you might want to come along.”
I looked up at Alice and waited for her to go on.
“I have an appointment, I’m going bare.” She giggled. “My appointment is at 4:30 so we will have plenty of time.”
“You are crazy,” I laughed loudly. “That’s going to hurt like hell. I thought you weren’t going to do that.” I thought back to last year when she made an appointment to get waxed and chickened out.
Alice just smiled at me sweetly. “I want to,” her voice softened, “Its going to be a surprise for Jasper.”
“What?” I squawked at her wide eyed. Alice was still a virgin, last I knew.
She rolled her eyes at me. “C’mon, we are going to be late,” she held the door open impatiently and we headed to her car.
We were half way to school and Alice hadn’t said anything. She was humming along to the radio like she didn’t just drop a bomb in my kitchen. Alice and Jasper had only been dating for two weeks. It was unlike Alice to move so fast with a guy. Especially considering what she was planning and her motives for doing so.
As if she knew what I was thinking, Alice turned down the radio and pursed her lips. “He is the one Bella,” she said in tender determination.
I looked at her solemn face. She was serious.
“But, how do you know?” I didn’t understand how she could possibly come to this conclusion in just a few weeks. The fact that Alice just declared she found ‘the one’ fed my fears of Alice’s uncertain future. She often acted impulsively, but something as big as declaring she found her one and only was not something I could see her come to terms with lightly. Alice was smart and good at thinking things through.
“I just know,” she voiced in a firm whisper. She sucked in the tiny stud that adorned her lip. “It’s a feeling. I knew it the first time we went out. The first time he touched my hand and every time he has touched me since. He was made for me and me for him. We are perfect.”
There was no arguing with her about it. It seemed ridiculous to me that she would know all that from a handful of dates and all the texting. We pulled in to the school and Alice parked in her usual spot. Her face lit up when she saw Jasper waiting for her. I was barely out of the car and she was already wrapped in his arms, whispering in his ear.
I grumbled, “Morning, Rose,” which she returned to me with equal enthusiasm. At least I wasn’t the only one around here that wasn’t always a morning person. I liked it when Rose matched my mood; it made me less grumpy not being alone.
“So, Bella, About tomorrow..?” Alice called over her shoulder at me as Rose and I followed her and Jasper up the stairs.
I shrugged my shoulders, “I guess.” I sighed. Alice and Jasper disappeared in the crowded hallway and I turned to Rose.
“Are you going with?” I assumed Rose knew what I meant and she did. She and Alice like to text a lot. Personally, I hated it when my phone was always beeping.
“Nah, I have a paper I have to finish on the downfall of modern feminism and how all these dumb bitches put themselves in the spotlight defeating the purpose of the movement.” Rose smirked. Leave it to Rose to write a paper about something like that.
“You still spending the weekend at Emmett’s?” If she was there it would be easier for me to make the trip to Edward’s to return his shirt Saturday.
“Yeah, I’ll be there.” She flashed me her signature smile.
Rose, unlike Alice, had always been promiscuous. She lost her virginity when she was 14 and had been with several guys since. She even experimented with Jessica Stanley before Jessica turned in to the school whore. Last year Jessica’s parents shipped her away after she got pregnant and was unable to identify the father. That chick made my skin crawl and nobody missed her except maybe the football team.
In first period English, the class was given free time to work on the book report due next week. I had finished mine two days ago. Pulling my papers in front of me to appear busy, I let my mind wander.
Saturday, I would return Edward’s shirt. I still hadn’t figured out what I was going to say to him and I kept running scenarios through my mind.
Knock. Door opens. ‘Hi, Edward, I wanted to thank you for helping me.’ Lame.
Knock. Door opens. ‘Hi Edward, here is your shirt.’ Duh.
Knock. Door opens. ‘I washed your shirt, Alice wants us to go out, as friends?” Horrible.
Knock. Door opens slowly. Edward smiles seductively and pulls me inside. Pulling down my pants he lifts me up and I straddle him with my back against the door. Not likely.
Fuck. Me.
I giggled at the irony of my last thought. I seriously needed to get a grip. I still hadn’t confirmed he was single yet.
Mr. Garlett cleared his throat at the front of the room. I looked up and realized I shared my amusement out loud with the class. Thankfully, the few glances I received, found nothing when they looked to see why I was giggling and they had resumed to the tasks in front of them.
My thoughts turned to Alice and her plans for tomorrow. She was definitely nuts. I know she and her dad got on extremely well but I bet that relationship would be different if he knew the things she did without his knowledge.
Alice and her father worked so well together I couldn’t help but be a bit envious. To an outsider it might not have appeared appropriate but there was nothing inappropriate going on. Alice was simply the woman of the house and Greg was the provider. They had a lot in common and Greg was always there for her when she needed him to be but he didn’t play the controlling, judgmental parent.
Dad and I were different. I lived under his constant scrutiny. Dad thrived on routine and if I had an off day he would pick up on it right away. Maybe it was because he was law enforcement but I couldn’t help but feel he was always watching me, waiting for me to screw up. He let me run the house, like Alice’s dad, but everything I did was done according to how he liked it. Alice was able to personalize her household; mine was personalized but with dad in mind.
Alice was crazy. A small grin played across my face at the thought of Alice walking funny after tomorrow. As much as I teased her about it the last time she made the appointment, I had always hoped secretly she would do it. I was curious. In my dream last night, and the one night before last, I was bare both times.
I bet Edward would like that, I mused. A familiar tingling graced my crotch and I felt the humidity rise a level in my panties. Flashes of Edward between my legs and the amazing orgasm I gave myself in the shower made my sweet spot throb.
Remembering I was in first period English, my face flushed crimson. Quickly looking around the room I was satisfied no one had noticed. I squeezed my legs together and mindlessly began to review notes for my second period Biology class.
It was going to be a long day, in the same breath, Saturday was only day after tomorrow and it was flying up on me. I sighed, catching the attention of Mr. Garlett again. Ducking my head, I forced myself to stay on task.
The morning’s classes flew past and soon I was joining Alice and Rose at our table. Jasper had joined us earlier in the week and now seemed to have made our table, his. He was quiet most of the time not having much to contribute to the gossip and girl talk that went on. I didn’t mind him being there in the least, even if I was concerned about how quickly Alice had latched on to him. Watching them together I could only admit that she was right. For now anyways, they were perfect for each other. I just hoped for Alice’s sake it would last.
After lunch I had PE and music. The school hired a temp to take over the music class since there were only a few months left in the school year. She introduced herself as Vicki Biers. She was a lot younger than Mrs. Cope was, looking to be in her mid 30’s at most. Her striking, red hair fell in wild curls to her waist. Vicky had a friendly face and outgoing personality, it seemed to draw every one in and we all took a liking to her, it would be hard not to, she was great for a teacher.
She favored the piano and through the week she played several classical pieces for the class. Our assignments were short descriptions analyzing notes and chords. Music wasn’t a hard class but Mrs. Cope always made it drag. Vicki was full of energy and was constantly interacting with the students, asking questions and making us think. I decided music was my new favorite period.
I almost made it through the whole class without thinking about propositioning Edward, my crazy friend, the pixie, or the fantasies that followed me out of bed.
The song today, made me think of Edward. It wasn’t what I had been thinking all day. I was hung up on something different. I couldn’t remember the color of his eyes. Or at least, decide on a color. Thinking back, all I could remember was darkness.
They were dark and brooding, like the song Vicki played.
____________
AN:
I figured it was time to step things up a bit. I didn’t plan on updating so soon but this chapter just sort of happened. ;)
Enjoy!!
Monday, September 26, 2011
Ch 12: Broken
Alice.
I covered my head with my arms, squeezing tightly, trying to block the sounds that echo around me. There is no escape. I cannot move. The stench of blood and urine are thick in the hot, sticky air. There is no circulation, it is stifling.
I am numb. My legs that are folded beneath me I can not feel but I knew they were there. The floor I am on is cold and I know it is made of stone even though I cannot see it. The pebbles cut into my legs. I could feel the stones scratching at me yet I feel nothing.
I cannot cry; tears elude me. There are others here though I myself am alone. Often, I hear them screaming, though when I move my own mouth there is no sound. Sometimes I can hear footsteps before the wailing begins; sometimes there are no footsteps at all. It does not matter that I cannot see in the pitch of black that holds me; I know I am in the dungeon.
All around me, the low moans and silent cries become white noise. It seems like hours pass. Not even the bloodcurdling screeching registers any more. It all becomes surreal. This is my prison. This is my fate. It belongs to me.
Deep inside, I know I should embrace my destiny, but I am unwilling to commit. My mind is holding out. It’s not time. How I know anything of time, I do not know. It’s a feeling. I just know and I can’t explain. While there is reason left in my maddening mind, I will wait. My mind will give in and soon my time will come.
I sit huddled in the darkness, alone, cold.
Light floods the room.
“Alice! Alice!” someone is shouting at me but I am blinded by the brightness. From the dark to the light, still I cannot see.
My body is being shaken and suddenly I am aware. Still suspended in my dream state, half of my mind trapped in darkness, the other half paralyzed in bright light.
Dad was sitting on the bed over me, his hands on my shoulders as he held me in a sitting position. I could see the panicked look on his face and I knew it happened again. Through the haze, I hear him saying my name over and over, not yelling now. He knows I am on my way back to him.
Dad pulls me to his chest rocking me gently, back and forth. Before long, I am cradled in his lap and I am sobbing. Drenched in sweat and the tears that were lost to me in the dark prison, I shiver. He held me like that for a good while, rocking me and telling me how much he loves me, stroking my hair and comforting me.
When I felt I had the energy to raise my head, I really wish I hadn’t. The pain on my father’s face was unbearable. I hate that I cause him this pain. It sends me in to a whole new bout of tears and I buried my face in his chest. I still cannot speak and he knows this. He is so patient and good to me. He has had lots of practice with this, more than any parent should.
I closed my eyes and let him comfort me, his soft voice and his warm embrace soothing. Almost asleep again, I felt him settle me back on to my pillow and I let him. I am too drained to open my eyes. It will be alright now. It has passed and I will rest.
Greg.
It was after four in the morning and there was no point in trying to go back to sleep so I went to make coffee.
For the last few years I have questioned what I did to deserve all that has come to be. First my wife, and now I’m slowly losing my daughter to something I don’t understand. I leaned forward with my elbows resting on the counter; head in my hands. I must have closed my eyes and dozed off standing up. I jumped when the coffee maker beeped alerting me the carafe was full.
Coffee in hand, I headed to my office. Setting the mug on my desk, I turned to the opposite wall, eyeing the painting that hung there. I remember when she bought it for me. I ran my finger along textured grooves of the frame.
The painting was of two lovers lying in a field of flowers. Their bodies did not touch but the connection between them was impossible not to see. Even though the painting wasn’t my style I had to admit the artist did an amazing job. The way the last light of the twilight reflected off of every wildflower in the field was intricately detailed. The artist positioned the man on his back with his head twisted to meet the gaze of his love who lay languidly beside him, her face turned to meet his.
The saddest part of this lover’s tale is I understood it, perhaps a bit too well. Robbed of the touch of my lover in this life, the connection lives on; the feelings stay true. Even in death, the love remains.
Sighing, I slid the painting up the wall; it moved smoothly on its tracks. I punched the code into the digital lock and pulling the small handle, the safe popped open. I pulled out the pale blue expandable folder and unwinding the cord tie, retrieved the most recent journal.
I quickly scrawled the information that need to be logged. Date, time I discovered her to the time it ended. My daughter had been having horrendous nightmares ever since her mother left. My dear friend, Laurent, happened to be a psychiatrist and he had set up these journals so we could track her progress or in her case, lack thereof.
Alice was stubborn like her mother; I smirked, and she adamantly refused to take medication. I had hoped for the first few years, she would grow out of these night terrors, as they were diagnosed, but as she got older it was undeniably getting worse. Her episodes lasted longer and came more frequently. I don’t know how many she had been through while I was away.
Thinking of all the times I had left her alone sickened me. Alice is so much like her mother. She breaks my heart. She is a good kid but she is too much like her mother. And it pains me look at her. Alice is a living reminder of everything I had lost, and everything I had left.
Unknowingly Alice held all the power. There was nothing I wouldn’t do to make her happy when she looked at me with the eyes of my wife. I know it wasn’t natural; that it wasn’t right. Even so, I couldn’t help it. Alice’s hold over me that was irrefutable.
Last time I spoke to Alice, it was about her attendance in school. She was pulling straight A’s and she was never in trouble for anything but she wasn’t showing up to all her classes. I shuddered as the memories of that night came back, those eyes, her eyes.
Sitting at the dinner table, I knew it was the best time to talk to her about the letter I received in the mail from the school.
Alice,” I waited until her fork stilled over her plate and I knew I had her attention. We rarely spoke at dinner other than to exchange or make plans. “I received a letter today from the attendance office. You are missing a lot of periods.”
“And?” It was her only response.
I looked from the plate of food in front of me to her face. Her eyebrows lifted, challenging me to go on. As her parent, I had no control. I was merely an instrument and she was the conductor. When she stared at me with those sparkling orbs, I was reduced to nothing more than a broken hearted, love sick fool and I would follow in whatever direction she would lead me.
I looked back to my plate pretending to care about the piece of chicken I was cutting. Mustering what courage I could, I quietly mumbled, “You shouldn’t be skipping classes.” I took a bite and chewed, waiting for it. I knew it was coming.
“That’s nice of you,” the edge in her voice was unmistakable as she cooed politely at me. I could feel her eyes boring in to me. I knew if I looked up I would see a spectacular display of golden sparks; the fireworks she inherited from her mother.
“Where are you going when you don’t go to class?” I took a coward’s route, already knowing I had lost.
“Have I ever given you a reason to think I cannot handle my own affairs? Have I done anything to tarnish the perfect image of this family?” She tossed her napkin on the table and stood suddenly, sending her chair sliding backwards. I couldn’t help but make eye contact with her as she snapped at me, clearly offended. The sparks were flying at me and they burned straight to my soul. I could not look away. She had me locked in her gaze, her eyebrows raised and waiting. The determined set of her jaw and the half pout half purse of her lips did me in.
“I didn’t think so. Excuse me.” Her sing song voice was laced with hostility. Squaring her shoulders defensively, she stalked out of the room.
I had never won in a disagreement with my wife. She didn’t ask for much but when she felt strongly about something, all she had to do was look at me a certain way and I would give in. I vowed at our wedding, were I to accomplish only one thing in my life, it would be to provide her with all the happiness in my power. Providing her joy gave my life purpose. She was my life. A copy of our hand written vows was tucked away safely, guarded by the lovers on my office wall.
Alice never needed me. She had grown up fast at a young age, and she took care of herself quite well. The inheritance that I would leave her would insure that she would never want for anything. I know her mother wouldn’t have approved but financial stability was all I had to give.
Every thought I’ve had of my wife since she was taken from me is a dagger shot through my heart. The pain never lessened, I became numb. The night she died I lost my heart.
I slipped the journal back in the folder and secured it shut, sliding it back in the safe. Returning the two star-crossed lovers to their rightful position on the wall, they protected my secrets.
Sitting at my desk, I brought my pc out of sleep mode. Entering my password, I opened my email. Laurent had been pressuring me to bring Alice to him but it was something I couldn’t bring myself to do. He tried to understand my reasoning. I know Alice needs help but I can’t force her to get it. My baby girl had been through enough. As long as she was functioning and doing well I wouldn’t push her.
~
Larent,
It happened again The screaming started just after two and it lasted about two hours. She is resting now. She was the same as always but this one lasted much longer.
I have been gone for three days and this is my first night back. I will be canceling my trip to Chicago. I can’t leave her like this.
I think its time to discuss medication again. Will let you know how that goes.
Wish me luck.
I’ll call you soon.
Greg
~
Sending Laurent an update on Alice was difficult. I knew he was right.
Her first nightmare came about a month after her mom passed. At first they were random and infrequent, once every other month or so. At the time the incidents were mild and the staff I hired to run the house was able to deal with her without much trouble when I was gone. Ms. Larson had moved with us from Spokane. She was a wonderful woman in her 50’s who kept a tidy house and was a wonderful cook.
She lived in the guest cottage behind the house. She was only required to keep the house straight and prepare evening meals and of course be on the grounds the nights I was away. The majority of her time she spent volunteering at the senior center.
Now, Alice’s night terrors came sometimes twice a week. I would waken to her crying or thrashing about noiselessly. I would go to her and sit her up, shaking her gently until she would wake, but even in waking she isn’t really there, just her shell. Her mind always seems torn between realities; she was somewhere else, somewhere away from here and unreachable.
Her eyes always stay glazed over; even though I know she is awake. I know she is aware of my presence because she calms when I hold her.
When she was 14, I could wake her, relax her and have her tucked back in bed in half an hour. Now that process takes much longer. Several times in the last two years I have found her roaming the house in her sleep, just walking from room to room. I would walk her back to bed as if she was a tiny child and she would curl into a ball and fall deeper into sleep.
I wish her mother could be here for her, for me. I am so lost and I don’t know what to do. I am a failure. I failed to protect my wife and now I am failing our daughter too.
I reached to my bottom drawer and slid it open slowly, pulling the silver framed photo out gently. My love, my heart, my soul, I stared in to her brilliant eyes, the flecks of gold speaking to my heart.
“What do I do?” I whispered at the woman trapped in a photo behind the glass. “What do I do?” Even in death she mesmerized me. I held her gaze and my heart swelled until it hurt. When she died every ounce of passion in my soul I sent with her, to comfort her. The lingering traces of the joy that once overflowed from my chest now served as a cruel reminder of what once was. The memories were painful, but it was what I had been left with, that and a daughter who, as she grew older, grew to the likeness of her mother.
I felt tears pooling in my eyes and shamelessly I left them fall. I had become familiar with this pain; it was almost comfortable. As long as I felt the pain it meant I felt something. After I lost my wife, I had felt nothing. It took months to feel anything again.
It wasn’t until the night I heard Alice tell her story that part of me woke up again.
Alice was about to celebrate her 14th birthday and she had a friend, Bella over for the night. I was awake in my room when I heard the girls going down the stairs. Of course, I didn’t want to pry but curiosity got to me when I didn’t hear them return to the second floor.
I quietly slipped down the stairs with no intention of spying; I just wanted to check on them. I didn’t see them in the den but noticed a dim light coming from behind the wet bar. It was the light that came on when the doors were open. My suspicions were confirmed when I found the door ajar. A bottle of rum had been moved, I noted, as label wasn’t in perfect line with the others on the shelf.
This was something I didn’t think I was going to have to deal with as a parent. It made sense that I should have thought about it, I just didn’t. Alice had done great taking care of herself I couldn’t ask for a better kid. She had definitely caught me off guard. I knew I should be angry but the thought of confronting her bothered me. She was so like her mother. We hadn’t discussed sex or relationships and we certainly didn’t talk about alcohol or drugs.
I heard hushed voices coming from the back yard in the direction of the pool. With a determined stride I set out across the room to the sliding doors. Mother’s eyes or not I had to deal with this. Her teenage years were quickly approaching and this behavior was unacceptable. As my hand reached for the handle on the door I heard something that froze me mid air.
I heard her name, the name we never spoke out loud. I suppose I should feel guilty for listening in on my daughter’s private conversation but I couldn’t bring myself to go back upstairs. I’d never heard Alice talk about her mom.
I moved to the kitchen window that was closest to the pool and managed to slide it open a few inches without making a sound. The girls sat on the edge of the pool with their bare feet dangling over the edge. I could see Bella’s face but not Alice’s. The ripples the girls’ feet made in the pool cast reflections of light that danced around the patio.
I knew I should have said something about the alcohol but I never did. I sat there that night and listened to my daughter, the closest connection I will have to my wife, re-create the events of her mother’s death to her friend.
Horror consumed me as she described my behavior the night her mom died. I could hear the hurt in her voice as she recounted to her friend the objects I struck and things I said. She was witness to it all. Everything she had said was true and it hit me hard in the gut. I was never there for her. And, that night, I completely and utterly forgot she was in the room at all. Until hearing her with Bella, it never crossed my mind that Alice actually had been there the night of my demise.
As Alice’s father, I have been one failure after another to her. Sure, I provide everything she needs or could possibly want but ever since I lost her mother, I kept her away from me. I worked out of town right after the accident. Most of my family assumed I had taken time off and most of the office employees thought I was at home. Only my partner and my secretary knew I had flown to Japan and immersed myself in business.
I left my daughter when she needed me the most; it was too difficult to be near her. After a few months had passed, I was able to get a better handle on it but I still, to this day, have vulnerable moments. There were times when she was home from boarding school, I would glance up to see Alice in the right light or angle and for a split second I would see only my wife.
I am only half a man, haunted by my loss in the face of my daughter. My fathering skills leave a lot to be desired. I can only assume Alice gets her strength and courage from her mother because I have offered her none of these things. I am weak and I am a coward.
My daughter and my relationship is a good one despite all this. We think a lot alike so there is never much to discuss when we have to make plans. She is, aside from her attendance, an exemplary student. I provide her with everything a parent should with all the trimmings.
Since she started at Forks High School, Alice assumed control of the house. Mrs. Larson no longer makes the grocery list and meal plan, Alice does. Any affairs of the house Alice deals with. I was happy that she adjusted so well, it eased my conscience as I had taken to traveling more frequently.
A year after Alice’s bad dreams began, I went to my friend Laurent. She It was not long after the episode at the pool and her dreams seemed to be getting worse. I wasn’t be sure so I turned to my long time friend for advice. We had roomed together in college for a few years and really hit it off. He went into medicine and I went my own way but we always stayed in touch through the years. After the death of my high profile wife the last thing I wanted was a tabloid spread of me taking Alice to a psychiatrist.. I knew I could trust Laurent.
I had no idea what to do or how to help Alice. Talking to her was useless. Her sleep habits were a subject she refused to even acknowledge she had a problem with. There had been several attempts on my part over the years to address the situation with her.
Alice had a particularly bad night one night. The next morning when I tried to talk to Alice about it I saw something that bothered me. The sparks in Alice’s eyes flickered. The usually steady stream of brilliance had actually gone dark. Her eyes almost appeared to film over and I saw the blank stare I have seen so many nights in her room. It didn’t last long and seconds later she was back from where ever it was she went.
“There is nothing to talk about. Have a good flight,” she stormed out of the room and the conversation was over.
And that was how our conversations went on the subject. The proverbial door was slammed in my face at every effort. If there was an exit she would use it.
Still clutching the silver frame in one hand I wiped away the tears that wet my face. I caught the reflection of myself in the glass protecting the photo and I cringed. Disgusted, I pushed myself away from the desk and quickly tucked the picture back away in the bottom drawer.
Failure is an ugly look on a man.
I cannot give something I don’t possess. I can not be the parent my daughter needs. I am broken.
She would be up soon and for her sake, I needed to play the part.
I put on my mask and went to refill my coffee mug.
__________________
AN:
Sorry for the wait on the update. I have been so stupid sick. I can’t wait to get better and back on track again. Thanks for being patient with me. Next update in about three days.
You can follow me on Twitter: /thedarksparkles
This was a difficult chapter to write. The perspective is unlike any that I have attempted before. I can only hope my words were able to effectively convey what a broken man Alice’s father is. Devastated by the loss of his wife, he did not recover. He willingly gave up the best parts of him to travel through eternity hand in hand with the spirit of his wife.
As tragically romantic as that may be, he held nothing in reserve for his daughter. Emotionally void himself, he cannot help her. He can only watch as she slips farther and farther away.
Hmmm, wonder where this is going. Stay tuned and keep the reviews coming, I love to hear your thoughts!
I covered my head with my arms, squeezing tightly, trying to block the sounds that echo around me. There is no escape. I cannot move. The stench of blood and urine are thick in the hot, sticky air. There is no circulation, it is stifling.
I am numb. My legs that are folded beneath me I can not feel but I knew they were there. The floor I am on is cold and I know it is made of stone even though I cannot see it. The pebbles cut into my legs. I could feel the stones scratching at me yet I feel nothing.
I cannot cry; tears elude me. There are others here though I myself am alone. Often, I hear them screaming, though when I move my own mouth there is no sound. Sometimes I can hear footsteps before the wailing begins; sometimes there are no footsteps at all. It does not matter that I cannot see in the pitch of black that holds me; I know I am in the dungeon.
All around me, the low moans and silent cries become white noise. It seems like hours pass. Not even the bloodcurdling screeching registers any more. It all becomes surreal. This is my prison. This is my fate. It belongs to me.
Deep inside, I know I should embrace my destiny, but I am unwilling to commit. My mind is holding out. It’s not time. How I know anything of time, I do not know. It’s a feeling. I just know and I can’t explain. While there is reason left in my maddening mind, I will wait. My mind will give in and soon my time will come.
I sit huddled in the darkness, alone, cold.
Light floods the room.
“Alice! Alice!” someone is shouting at me but I am blinded by the brightness. From the dark to the light, still I cannot see.
My body is being shaken and suddenly I am aware. Still suspended in my dream state, half of my mind trapped in darkness, the other half paralyzed in bright light.
Dad was sitting on the bed over me, his hands on my shoulders as he held me in a sitting position. I could see the panicked look on his face and I knew it happened again. Through the haze, I hear him saying my name over and over, not yelling now. He knows I am on my way back to him.
Dad pulls me to his chest rocking me gently, back and forth. Before long, I am cradled in his lap and I am sobbing. Drenched in sweat and the tears that were lost to me in the dark prison, I shiver. He held me like that for a good while, rocking me and telling me how much he loves me, stroking my hair and comforting me.
When I felt I had the energy to raise my head, I really wish I hadn’t. The pain on my father’s face was unbearable. I hate that I cause him this pain. It sends me in to a whole new bout of tears and I buried my face in his chest. I still cannot speak and he knows this. He is so patient and good to me. He has had lots of practice with this, more than any parent should.
I closed my eyes and let him comfort me, his soft voice and his warm embrace soothing. Almost asleep again, I felt him settle me back on to my pillow and I let him. I am too drained to open my eyes. It will be alright now. It has passed and I will rest.
Greg.
It was after four in the morning and there was no point in trying to go back to sleep so I went to make coffee.
For the last few years I have questioned what I did to deserve all that has come to be. First my wife, and now I’m slowly losing my daughter to something I don’t understand. I leaned forward with my elbows resting on the counter; head in my hands. I must have closed my eyes and dozed off standing up. I jumped when the coffee maker beeped alerting me the carafe was full.
Coffee in hand, I headed to my office. Setting the mug on my desk, I turned to the opposite wall, eyeing the painting that hung there. I remember when she bought it for me. I ran my finger along textured grooves of the frame.
The painting was of two lovers lying in a field of flowers. Their bodies did not touch but the connection between them was impossible not to see. Even though the painting wasn’t my style I had to admit the artist did an amazing job. The way the last light of the twilight reflected off of every wildflower in the field was intricately detailed. The artist positioned the man on his back with his head twisted to meet the gaze of his love who lay languidly beside him, her face turned to meet his.
The saddest part of this lover’s tale is I understood it, perhaps a bit too well. Robbed of the touch of my lover in this life, the connection lives on; the feelings stay true. Even in death, the love remains.
Sighing, I slid the painting up the wall; it moved smoothly on its tracks. I punched the code into the digital lock and pulling the small handle, the safe popped open. I pulled out the pale blue expandable folder and unwinding the cord tie, retrieved the most recent journal.
I quickly scrawled the information that need to be logged. Date, time I discovered her to the time it ended. My daughter had been having horrendous nightmares ever since her mother left. My dear friend, Laurent, happened to be a psychiatrist and he had set up these journals so we could track her progress or in her case, lack thereof.
Alice was stubborn like her mother; I smirked, and she adamantly refused to take medication. I had hoped for the first few years, she would grow out of these night terrors, as they were diagnosed, but as she got older it was undeniably getting worse. Her episodes lasted longer and came more frequently. I don’t know how many she had been through while I was away.
Thinking of all the times I had left her alone sickened me. Alice is so much like her mother. She breaks my heart. She is a good kid but she is too much like her mother. And it pains me look at her. Alice is a living reminder of everything I had lost, and everything I had left.
Unknowingly Alice held all the power. There was nothing I wouldn’t do to make her happy when she looked at me with the eyes of my wife. I know it wasn’t natural; that it wasn’t right. Even so, I couldn’t help it. Alice’s hold over me that was irrefutable.
Last time I spoke to Alice, it was about her attendance in school. She was pulling straight A’s and she was never in trouble for anything but she wasn’t showing up to all her classes. I shuddered as the memories of that night came back, those eyes, her eyes.
Sitting at the dinner table, I knew it was the best time to talk to her about the letter I received in the mail from the school.
Alice,” I waited until her fork stilled over her plate and I knew I had her attention. We rarely spoke at dinner other than to exchange or make plans. “I received a letter today from the attendance office. You are missing a lot of periods.”
“And?” It was her only response.
I looked from the plate of food in front of me to her face. Her eyebrows lifted, challenging me to go on. As her parent, I had no control. I was merely an instrument and she was the conductor. When she stared at me with those sparkling orbs, I was reduced to nothing more than a broken hearted, love sick fool and I would follow in whatever direction she would lead me.
I looked back to my plate pretending to care about the piece of chicken I was cutting. Mustering what courage I could, I quietly mumbled, “You shouldn’t be skipping classes.” I took a bite and chewed, waiting for it. I knew it was coming.
“That’s nice of you,” the edge in her voice was unmistakable as she cooed politely at me. I could feel her eyes boring in to me. I knew if I looked up I would see a spectacular display of golden sparks; the fireworks she inherited from her mother.
“Where are you going when you don’t go to class?” I took a coward’s route, already knowing I had lost.
“Have I ever given you a reason to think I cannot handle my own affairs? Have I done anything to tarnish the perfect image of this family?” She tossed her napkin on the table and stood suddenly, sending her chair sliding backwards. I couldn’t help but make eye contact with her as she snapped at me, clearly offended. The sparks were flying at me and they burned straight to my soul. I could not look away. She had me locked in her gaze, her eyebrows raised and waiting. The determined set of her jaw and the half pout half purse of her lips did me in.
“I didn’t think so. Excuse me.” Her sing song voice was laced with hostility. Squaring her shoulders defensively, she stalked out of the room.
I had never won in a disagreement with my wife. She didn’t ask for much but when she felt strongly about something, all she had to do was look at me a certain way and I would give in. I vowed at our wedding, were I to accomplish only one thing in my life, it would be to provide her with all the happiness in my power. Providing her joy gave my life purpose. She was my life. A copy of our hand written vows was tucked away safely, guarded by the lovers on my office wall.
Alice never needed me. She had grown up fast at a young age, and she took care of herself quite well. The inheritance that I would leave her would insure that she would never want for anything. I know her mother wouldn’t have approved but financial stability was all I had to give.
Every thought I’ve had of my wife since she was taken from me is a dagger shot through my heart. The pain never lessened, I became numb. The night she died I lost my heart.
I slipped the journal back in the folder and secured it shut, sliding it back in the safe. Returning the two star-crossed lovers to their rightful position on the wall, they protected my secrets.
Sitting at my desk, I brought my pc out of sleep mode. Entering my password, I opened my email. Laurent had been pressuring me to bring Alice to him but it was something I couldn’t bring myself to do. He tried to understand my reasoning. I know Alice needs help but I can’t force her to get it. My baby girl had been through enough. As long as she was functioning and doing well I wouldn’t push her.
~
Larent,
It happened again The screaming started just after two and it lasted about two hours. She is resting now. She was the same as always but this one lasted much longer.
I have been gone for three days and this is my first night back. I will be canceling my trip to Chicago. I can’t leave her like this.
I think its time to discuss medication again. Will let you know how that goes.
Wish me luck.
I’ll call you soon.
Greg
~
Sending Laurent an update on Alice was difficult. I knew he was right.
Her first nightmare came about a month after her mom passed. At first they were random and infrequent, once every other month or so. At the time the incidents were mild and the staff I hired to run the house was able to deal with her without much trouble when I was gone. Ms. Larson had moved with us from Spokane. She was a wonderful woman in her 50’s who kept a tidy house and was a wonderful cook.
She lived in the guest cottage behind the house. She was only required to keep the house straight and prepare evening meals and of course be on the grounds the nights I was away. The majority of her time she spent volunteering at the senior center.
Now, Alice’s night terrors came sometimes twice a week. I would waken to her crying or thrashing about noiselessly. I would go to her and sit her up, shaking her gently until she would wake, but even in waking she isn’t really there, just her shell. Her mind always seems torn between realities; she was somewhere else, somewhere away from here and unreachable.
Her eyes always stay glazed over; even though I know she is awake. I know she is aware of my presence because she calms when I hold her.
When she was 14, I could wake her, relax her and have her tucked back in bed in half an hour. Now that process takes much longer. Several times in the last two years I have found her roaming the house in her sleep, just walking from room to room. I would walk her back to bed as if she was a tiny child and she would curl into a ball and fall deeper into sleep.
I wish her mother could be here for her, for me. I am so lost and I don’t know what to do. I am a failure. I failed to protect my wife and now I am failing our daughter too.
I reached to my bottom drawer and slid it open slowly, pulling the silver framed photo out gently. My love, my heart, my soul, I stared in to her brilliant eyes, the flecks of gold speaking to my heart.
“What do I do?” I whispered at the woman trapped in a photo behind the glass. “What do I do?” Even in death she mesmerized me. I held her gaze and my heart swelled until it hurt. When she died every ounce of passion in my soul I sent with her, to comfort her. The lingering traces of the joy that once overflowed from my chest now served as a cruel reminder of what once was. The memories were painful, but it was what I had been left with, that and a daughter who, as she grew older, grew to the likeness of her mother.
I felt tears pooling in my eyes and shamelessly I left them fall. I had become familiar with this pain; it was almost comfortable. As long as I felt the pain it meant I felt something. After I lost my wife, I had felt nothing. It took months to feel anything again.
It wasn’t until the night I heard Alice tell her story that part of me woke up again.
Alice was about to celebrate her 14th birthday and she had a friend, Bella over for the night. I was awake in my room when I heard the girls going down the stairs. Of course, I didn’t want to pry but curiosity got to me when I didn’t hear them return to the second floor.
I quietly slipped down the stairs with no intention of spying; I just wanted to check on them. I didn’t see them in the den but noticed a dim light coming from behind the wet bar. It was the light that came on when the doors were open. My suspicions were confirmed when I found the door ajar. A bottle of rum had been moved, I noted, as label wasn’t in perfect line with the others on the shelf.
This was something I didn’t think I was going to have to deal with as a parent. It made sense that I should have thought about it, I just didn’t. Alice had done great taking care of herself I couldn’t ask for a better kid. She had definitely caught me off guard. I knew I should be angry but the thought of confronting her bothered me. She was so like her mother. We hadn’t discussed sex or relationships and we certainly didn’t talk about alcohol or drugs.
I heard hushed voices coming from the back yard in the direction of the pool. With a determined stride I set out across the room to the sliding doors. Mother’s eyes or not I had to deal with this. Her teenage years were quickly approaching and this behavior was unacceptable. As my hand reached for the handle on the door I heard something that froze me mid air.
I heard her name, the name we never spoke out loud. I suppose I should feel guilty for listening in on my daughter’s private conversation but I couldn’t bring myself to go back upstairs. I’d never heard Alice talk about her mom.
I moved to the kitchen window that was closest to the pool and managed to slide it open a few inches without making a sound. The girls sat on the edge of the pool with their bare feet dangling over the edge. I could see Bella’s face but not Alice’s. The ripples the girls’ feet made in the pool cast reflections of light that danced around the patio.
I knew I should have said something about the alcohol but I never did. I sat there that night and listened to my daughter, the closest connection I will have to my wife, re-create the events of her mother’s death to her friend.
Horror consumed me as she described my behavior the night her mom died. I could hear the hurt in her voice as she recounted to her friend the objects I struck and things I said. She was witness to it all. Everything she had said was true and it hit me hard in the gut. I was never there for her. And, that night, I completely and utterly forgot she was in the room at all. Until hearing her with Bella, it never crossed my mind that Alice actually had been there the night of my demise.
As Alice’s father, I have been one failure after another to her. Sure, I provide everything she needs or could possibly want but ever since I lost her mother, I kept her away from me. I worked out of town right after the accident. Most of my family assumed I had taken time off and most of the office employees thought I was at home. Only my partner and my secretary knew I had flown to Japan and immersed myself in business.
I left my daughter when she needed me the most; it was too difficult to be near her. After a few months had passed, I was able to get a better handle on it but I still, to this day, have vulnerable moments. There were times when she was home from boarding school, I would glance up to see Alice in the right light or angle and for a split second I would see only my wife.
I am only half a man, haunted by my loss in the face of my daughter. My fathering skills leave a lot to be desired. I can only assume Alice gets her strength and courage from her mother because I have offered her none of these things. I am weak and I am a coward.
My daughter and my relationship is a good one despite all this. We think a lot alike so there is never much to discuss when we have to make plans. She is, aside from her attendance, an exemplary student. I provide her with everything a parent should with all the trimmings.
Since she started at Forks High School, Alice assumed control of the house. Mrs. Larson no longer makes the grocery list and meal plan, Alice does. Any affairs of the house Alice deals with. I was happy that she adjusted so well, it eased my conscience as I had taken to traveling more frequently.
A year after Alice’s bad dreams began, I went to my friend Laurent. She It was not long after the episode at the pool and her dreams seemed to be getting worse. I wasn’t be sure so I turned to my long time friend for advice. We had roomed together in college for a few years and really hit it off. He went into medicine and I went my own way but we always stayed in touch through the years. After the death of my high profile wife the last thing I wanted was a tabloid spread of me taking Alice to a psychiatrist.. I knew I could trust Laurent.
I had no idea what to do or how to help Alice. Talking to her was useless. Her sleep habits were a subject she refused to even acknowledge she had a problem with. There had been several attempts on my part over the years to address the situation with her.
Alice had a particularly bad night one night. The next morning when I tried to talk to Alice about it I saw something that bothered me. The sparks in Alice’s eyes flickered. The usually steady stream of brilliance had actually gone dark. Her eyes almost appeared to film over and I saw the blank stare I have seen so many nights in her room. It didn’t last long and seconds later she was back from where ever it was she went.
“There is nothing to talk about. Have a good flight,” she stormed out of the room and the conversation was over.
And that was how our conversations went on the subject. The proverbial door was slammed in my face at every effort. If there was an exit she would use it.
Still clutching the silver frame in one hand I wiped away the tears that wet my face. I caught the reflection of myself in the glass protecting the photo and I cringed. Disgusted, I pushed myself away from the desk and quickly tucked the picture back away in the bottom drawer.
Failure is an ugly look on a man.
I cannot give something I don’t possess. I can not be the parent my daughter needs. I am broken.
She would be up soon and for her sake, I needed to play the part.
I put on my mask and went to refill my coffee mug.
__________________
AN:
Sorry for the wait on the update. I have been so stupid sick. I can’t wait to get better and back on track again. Thanks for being patient with me. Next update in about three days.
You can follow me on Twitter: /thedarksparkles
This was a difficult chapter to write. The perspective is unlike any that I have attempted before. I can only hope my words were able to effectively convey what a broken man Alice’s father is. Devastated by the loss of his wife, he did not recover. He willingly gave up the best parts of him to travel through eternity hand in hand with the spirit of his wife.
As tragically romantic as that may be, he held nothing in reserve for his daughter. Emotionally void himself, he cannot help her. He can only watch as she slips farther and farther away.
Hmmm, wonder where this is going. Stay tuned and keep the reviews coming, I love to hear your thoughts!
Friday, September 23, 2011
Ch 11: Gin and Mothballs
Bella.
Dad was exhausted when he came in last night. I don’t really like that he is working the long hours he does. It sounds like he is getting a nasty chest cold the way he was coughing. He really needed to slow down but I don’t think he knows how.
There is a funeral today for Mrs. Cope and he was driving escort for the procession. I was glad to see that old bat go. She was the music teacher at the high school for the last thirty years and she was a bitch. Earlier this week, she died when her house burned to the ground. Apparently, she had drank herself to a stupor and passed out while smoking, dropped her cigarette on the couch and set the house on fire.
Barely out of the shower, I grabbed my phone that was sounding off on my desk. Glancing at the screen and saw it was Alice. “Hey Ali,” I answered while sponging the water from my hair with a towel.
“Hey Bella, whatcha doin?” she chirped.
“Just got out of the shower, other than that, not much,” leaving my hair to dry the rest of the way on its own I hung the towels on the bathroom I started tugging the covers in place over my bed.
“Want to come over? I’m bored,” she whined.
I paused seeing Edward’s shirt on the floor where I tossed it undressing to shower. “Yeah, but I don’t want to do anything, I’m still tired,” I told her, walking over and picking up the shirt.
“Cool, I just want to hang out, nothing special,” she reassured me.
Telling her I’d be there in a bit, I hung up. I tossed my dirty panties across the room to my laundry basket and held the shirt in my hands up for inspection. It was a black Sex Pistols shirt, one of my favorite bands, I glanced at the Anarchy in the U.K. poster hanging on my wall. Balling the shirt up, I brought it to my face and buried my nose in it. I tingled between my legs at the scent of him. He was delicious, there was no denying it.
Tossing the shirt on the bed, I glanced out the bedroom window. It didn’t look like rain but It didn’t look like Forks would get any sun today either and there was a slight breeze. I settled on some comfy jeans and a long sleeved cotton shirt. Tying my sneakers, I grabbed Edward’s shirt. I knew I should take it back to him but it also flashed through my mind that it I wouldn’t mind having it around the next time I got off. With a goofy grin on my face, I squashed the idea as borderline creepy and went downstairs.
I tossed the shirt in the washer. I would take it back to him and try to thank him again. I started to tingle yet again, at the thought of seeing Edward. Quit being stupid, I told myself. He probably wants nothing to do with the girl who he first met when she was puking all over herself, drunk on her hands and knees in a hallway. I shouldn’t even take the shirt back. He would more than likely rather I kept it than show up on his doorstep.
There weren’t many dishes, just a few cups. Perks of ordering pizza for dinner and eating off paper plates, I mused. Grabbing fish fillets out of the freezer to thaw and turning the coffee pot off, I finished up my chores making sure to move Edward’s shirt to the dryer. I wasn’t sure what time to expect dad back, so I left him a note on the kitchen table.
When I got to Alice’s I found her sitting on the living room floor working on her science project for school. She looked up and smiled. “Thanks for coming over. Dad’s gone until Tuesday.” She didn’t have to tell me she was lonely. Alice doesn’t like to be alone.
That was a big difference between Alice and me. I didn’t mind being alone but she did. I spent a lot of time here when her dad traveled. I pulled my book from my backpack and curled up on the couch. Alice resumed working on her project.
An hour later, she stacked her books up and stuffed her papers into her binder. “Hungry?”
I nodded. I could eat something light. Not that I was hungry but I knew it would help my body recover faster if I gave it nourishment. Setting my book on the couch, I followed her to the kitchen. While she made sandwiches, I grabbed us some sodas from the fridge and settled on one of the kitchen stools.
“Thanks,” Alice popped the tab on the soda I slid in front of her.
“Welcome,” I bit into the turkey and tomato sandwich. “Mmmm this is good Ali,” I took another bite. We finished our lunch and dropped our plates in the sink. We didn’t do the dishes. Alice’s dad had a cleaning woman and I learned long ago that she didn’t like us doing the jobs she deemed as hers. She was odd but nice enough; when she was around she didn’t bother us.
“So tell me about Emmett’s neighbor? What does he look like? Is he cute? Are you going to see him again?” Back in the living room Alice bombed me with questions I blinked and laughed, typical Alice.
“We didn’t really talk Ali, I was kind of too fucked up. He was nice enough to keep an eye on me but it isn’t like we stayed up playing scrabble.” There was no way in hell I was going to tell her he undressed me. “I’m going to take him his shirt back next weekend if that counts as seeing him again.”
Alice jumped up excited. “I knew it! I knew he was cute!” She clapped her hands together.
Rolling my eyes, I looked at her and grinned. Yeah, she noticed I skipped over that part. “He’s fucking amazing hot.”
My statement sent Alice bouncing her leg and squealing. “Oh. My. God.” She paused dramatically. “Bella. He is the one I just know it. You admitted you needed a boyfriend and then he shows up! It’s a sign! I just know it!”
I was laughing loudly now at Alice’s display of enthusiasm. “I never told you I knew I needed a boyfriend,” I spit out still laughing. Sobering, I added, “I’m sure he isn’t interested considering how we met. What guy wants a chick he found laying in a pool of puke?”
“WHAT?” Alice shrieked coming to a halt. “You threw up?”
I groaned. Ugh! I hadn’t meant for her to find out about that. “Yeah, I was throwing up when he found me,” I said looking at my lap. I really didn’t want to revisit the events of Friday night.
“That’s why you came back with his shirt on,” she surmised.
“Yep’ I’m pretty sure he wasn’t happy about having to baby sit me all night.” I couldn’t keep the disappointment from creeping in my voice. I’m sure it showed on my face, too.
Alice sat thoughtfully for a minute. It wasn’t long before she had whatever crazy plan she was concocting figured out.
“Okay, so we are going back to Emmett’s and you can go return his shirt. I will have Emmett call him and we can set up a friends night out. I can invite Jasper and Edward can be your date!” Alice clapped her hands again flashing me a wicked grin. She could be so devious.
“I don’t think so Ali. Just let me handle this. I’m going to take him his shirt and we will see how it goes, okay?” Alice looked really bummed out. Suddenly I was hit with a case of nerves. How am I going to handle this? I shook my head. Id figure it out later, I had all week to think about what I was going to say.
A date with Edward would be awesome, I think. I meant what I said when I said he was a nice guy. If he wasn’t he would have just left me in the hallway. But guys that fuck hot either have some major character defect or a girlfriend. As soon as the thought crossed my mind, I got even more anxious. Shit! What if he has a girlfriend?
My face dropped and I felt a sinking feeling in my chest.
“Bella! What’s wrong?” Alice noticed my change in demeanor.
“He probably has a girlfriend,” I muttered.
“No guy in his right mind would bring a drunk stranger back to his apartment if he had a girlfriend worth a damn. I don’t know why he didn’t bring you to Emmett’s in the first place which means he must have liked something he saw.” Her eyes were twinkling again.
As much as I wanted to believe her, I knew I wasn’t lucky like that. If it was really like she said, then according to her own words, he wasn’t in his right mind. My good mood began to dissipate and I didn’t want to be stuck in a funk all day so I switched subjects to Jasper. It was easy to distract Alice, at least in the short term.
For the next hour, Alice filled me with information on everything Jasper. His dad owns a construction business and his mom has a small daycare in her home. In the summer, Jasper helps his dad and during school year he helps his mom with the kids when he gets home. He’s an only child and was born and raised in Texas which explains the southern drawl. Moving to Forks when he was ten, his mom home schooled him until high school.
Jasper was always so calm and seemed so centered. He would be good for Alice. Maybe settle her down a bit. She didn’t break the law very often but she was always scheming. I had to wonder what she would be like in twenty years. I could see her robbing a bank at gunpoint to get money to donate to a children’s hospital. She was bat crazy like that and it bothered me to think of what kind of trouble she could find herself in if she weren’t careful.
Alice made it clear a few years ago, she had no intention of going to college. With her upbringing, I wasn’t surprised. Alice had always had everything handed to her, her father made no effort to hide how wealthy he was although he wasn’t the type to rub it in anyone’s face. Greg was a good man and a good dad.
He donated every year to the after school clubs and the local charities. He never gave a whole bunch of money to one place, instead he seemed to divide it through the town. Every year, the sports team who need it the most, would get new uniforms and equipment. The animal shelter was sent a nice check and so did the people at the senior center who took hot meals to the people who needed them and couldn’t get out. Last year, he and Alice picked me up and we went to Port Angeles and handed out sleeping bags at Christmas time to the homeless. He never let us out of the car; we merely passed them through the window. The reaction from the people we gave them too made Alice and I cry on each other all the way home. Life can be so cruel and unfair.
Greg never tried to take credit for what he did. When the senior center wanted to present him with an award at their Christmas party last year, he refused to go to the party until they agreed to not bring attention to his contributions. I don’t know why he never remarried. All I can think is when Alice’s mom died his heart broke for all eternity.
I didn’t know her mom. It happened before they moved here. Alice keeps a framed picture of her in her desk upstairs in her room. The whole thing was quite tragic really.
The day before Alice’s 13th birthday her mom had flown in to Spokane where they lived. The car she had left in the long term parking garage had a flat tire when she arrived. It was mid November and there was several inches of snow on the ground, her flight was one of the last fights to land for several days as Washington was about to get slammed with a blizzard.
Checking the latest weather updates, she called Greg to tell him she wasn’t going to wait for roadside assistance to meet her. She decided to pay for a cab before the snow started falling too hard to get home. After she told Greg her plans, she got on the phone with Alice and told her how much she had loved and missed her. She was so excited that her princess was turning into a teenager. She told Alice she had a special present for her and that she would see her soon. Alice was the last person to talk to her mom before she died, except for the cab driver of course.
Alice only told me her story once. I was one of the few who knew what happened to her mom. Greg had moved him and his daughter to Forks to get away from the sad looks and sympathetic stares.
By the time Greg figured out something was wrong, the snow was coming down heavy. They only lived half an hour out of town but with the bad road conditions he gave his beloved extra time to arrive. When they didn’t show up and he couldn’t reach her on the phone he had called the authorities. Unfortunately, due to the heavy snowfall they were busy and it was several hours before they were able to respond to his call. By then the roads were almost impassable.
Chills ran down my arms, I always got chills when I thought about Alice’s mom. I glanced at Alice who was texting someone, Jasper I assume.
The way Alice told it, her dad went crazy. He was up all night yelling and screaming in the phone, trying to get someone to help him. It was the only time in Alice’s life her dad shut her out. She was completely invisible to him in his rage. She had cried herself to sleep on the couch watching her dad lose his mind in front of her. It was the only time she had seen her father scream and cry like that. She said she was woken several times by the sound of glass breaking or wood splintering. He had completely lost his mind that night.
In the early morning hours the temperatures dropped making it too cold to snow. The soft white flakes turned into one of the worst ice storms Spokane had seen in some years. The taxi had hit a frozen spot in the road and struck a tree early in the evening. The driver had died on impact or shortly thereafter. I don’t know which. Alice’s mom had a broken arm and scrapes and cuts but that wasn’t what killed her. She had frozen to death in the brutal sub zero temperatures. When search and rescue found Alice’s mother, she was huddled with the cab driver in the front seat trying to get any warmth from his lifeless body she could. In her hand was a silver chain and on it a diamond pendant in the shape of an A.
I looked to Alice who was flipping through channels on the TV. I couldn’t see the pendant that fell below her neckline but the silver chain was in place. I had never seen her without it. Why bad things happen to good people Ill never know and it rips my heart out when I see good people hurting who shouldn’t be.
The rest of the afternoon we watched the lamest reality shows Alice could find. I did laugh pretty hard when one particularly mouthy bitch got knocked on her ass and her ridiculously large boob came out of her shit. I was almost in tears. Alice was too, watching me.
I got home early enough to call dad and see if he was going to be home for dinner. I was relieved to find out he was on his way home already. He needed to rest to shake that cold. I pulled what I needed from the fridge and cupboards, starting dinner. Dad loved to fish. When I was younger he used to take me along. It’s not really my thing now I am older. I think he always wanted a boy but he loved me just the same.
Victoria.
I watched from corner as the old bat poured her self another one. She smelled like mothballs and gin. I couldn’t wait to get out of here. This whole house was saturated in her stank.
My boss was a good man. I had worked for him for several centuries and he never turned on me. Time and time again I had seen our kind turn on each other. Vampires are ruthless by nature.
A wicked smile played across my lips as I stepped from the shadows. The hag jumped unsteadily when she saw me appear from the darkness. I watched as the glass fell from her hand in slow motion and fell to the floor. I stalked toward her slowly, calculated. Her eyes were large saucers and bugged from beneath her thick glasses.
“Who… who are you? What do... do you want?” the old woman was barely able to speak, her fear making her stutter. The closer I got the more her skin paled. I knew she could see the blood thirst in my eyes. I knew she was terrified. She reeked of fear which only excited me further. She attempted to step back ward as I advanced seeming to forget the table behind her where she was just pouring her booze.
“Awww. Stupid, weak human, did you forget there was a table behind you? You almost knocked the bottle over,” I cooed. She was frozen in place staring at my eyes. I could see the reflection of my blood lust in her thick glasses. My eyes always turned the most vibrant red before a kill. I’ve been complimented on them many times.
Working with my boss had its drawbacks. He required that most of my meals were of animal and not human. The only time I was allowed to feed naturally was when I traveled as his courier to the Volturi or if I were on a job like this. Even then there were restrictions; no suffering and no mess.
The stupid woman was too frozen in fear to try to run away. I laughed which only scared her more. I could hear her heart which was pounding so fast it sounded like it was going to explode.
“That’s right Grandma, it’s your time. It will only hurt for a moment. I promise.” I licked my lips and could taste the venom pooling around my tongue.
I heard her take what would be her last breath. She had intended to scream but I couldn’t have that. Clamping my hand over her mouth and nose before she could utter a sound, I sunk my teeth in to her neck. She didn’t have any fight to her, not that it would have done her any good. She attempted to push me off her once to no avail. As the blood left her body she slumped in my arms, twitching occasionally, which was normal.
I snarled, drinking greedily from the large vein. Her blood was dirty with alcohol and tobacco and it was sour. A few minutes later, I tossed her drained, limp body on the couch. I moved the largest of the broken pieces of her long since forgotten glass of booze and set them around the floor in front of the couch where I tossed her. Grabbing the gallon of gin, I drizzled it over her pale wrinkled flesh making sure it splashed along the couch and hard wood floor. I moved her filthy ashtray and cigarettes in front of her on the coffee table and flicked the lighter.
I wasn’t sent to take care of humans very often and I can’t say this was the most pleasant of experiences. Her blood was foul and the moth ball odor was repulsive. Doing a quick check to make sure the scene had been set I touched the flame to a gin soaked throw pillow and tossed it back on the couch.
Fire didn’t bother me like it did some. It would take one hell of a fight to get me down. If I had to, I could give my boss a run for his money, but he gave me no reason to.
I pulled the disposable cell out of my pocket and dialed.
“Yes?” the familiar voice answered.
I smiled. If he weren’t hopelessly in love with another woman I would have definitely attempted to become his mate. I liked his wife though. She always left business up to her husband so our encounters were always on a social basis. She was a kind, generous woman, always gracious and happy to see me when I would visit. If she were any less, I would have attempted to steal her mate away from her, but as it is, they were meant to be.
Someday, I hoped to find a mate who would love me like that.
“It’s done. I’ll call you in a few days when we move to phase two.”
“Very good, I’ll talk to you soon, Victoria.” The boss never liked to talk on the phone much. He was smart and I trusted him, perhaps more than I should.
I glanced over my shoulder through the window of the stinking, old house. Flames licked at the curtains inside the living room window. Priding myself in another job well done, I turned my back and ended the conversation.
“In a few days,” I repeated. “Have a good weekend, Carlisle.”
_____
AN:
I was hoping to get this published yesterday but lots of little things came up. I’m a bit under the weather and my son needed extra homework help not to mention my dear neighbor lost her husband a few days ago and I have been trying to be supportive in her time of need.
Next update planned 3-4 days. Have a family trip planned this weekend and will be working on getting a twitter account set up so be sure to check for that after Monday I will post the info with the next update and on my blog profile.
Loving the reviews! Keep them coming!!
Have a great weekend my friends!!
Dad was exhausted when he came in last night. I don’t really like that he is working the long hours he does. It sounds like he is getting a nasty chest cold the way he was coughing. He really needed to slow down but I don’t think he knows how.
There is a funeral today for Mrs. Cope and he was driving escort for the procession. I was glad to see that old bat go. She was the music teacher at the high school for the last thirty years and she was a bitch. Earlier this week, she died when her house burned to the ground. Apparently, she had drank herself to a stupor and passed out while smoking, dropped her cigarette on the couch and set the house on fire.
Barely out of the shower, I grabbed my phone that was sounding off on my desk. Glancing at the screen and saw it was Alice. “Hey Ali,” I answered while sponging the water from my hair with a towel.
“Hey Bella, whatcha doin?” she chirped.
“Just got out of the shower, other than that, not much,” leaving my hair to dry the rest of the way on its own I hung the towels on the bathroom I started tugging the covers in place over my bed.
“Want to come over? I’m bored,” she whined.
I paused seeing Edward’s shirt on the floor where I tossed it undressing to shower. “Yeah, but I don’t want to do anything, I’m still tired,” I told her, walking over and picking up the shirt.
“Cool, I just want to hang out, nothing special,” she reassured me.
Telling her I’d be there in a bit, I hung up. I tossed my dirty panties across the room to my laundry basket and held the shirt in my hands up for inspection. It was a black Sex Pistols shirt, one of my favorite bands, I glanced at the Anarchy in the U.K. poster hanging on my wall. Balling the shirt up, I brought it to my face and buried my nose in it. I tingled between my legs at the scent of him. He was delicious, there was no denying it.
Tossing the shirt on the bed, I glanced out the bedroom window. It didn’t look like rain but It didn’t look like Forks would get any sun today either and there was a slight breeze. I settled on some comfy jeans and a long sleeved cotton shirt. Tying my sneakers, I grabbed Edward’s shirt. I knew I should take it back to him but it also flashed through my mind that it I wouldn’t mind having it around the next time I got off. With a goofy grin on my face, I squashed the idea as borderline creepy and went downstairs.
I tossed the shirt in the washer. I would take it back to him and try to thank him again. I started to tingle yet again, at the thought of seeing Edward. Quit being stupid, I told myself. He probably wants nothing to do with the girl who he first met when she was puking all over herself, drunk on her hands and knees in a hallway. I shouldn’t even take the shirt back. He would more than likely rather I kept it than show up on his doorstep.
There weren’t many dishes, just a few cups. Perks of ordering pizza for dinner and eating off paper plates, I mused. Grabbing fish fillets out of the freezer to thaw and turning the coffee pot off, I finished up my chores making sure to move Edward’s shirt to the dryer. I wasn’t sure what time to expect dad back, so I left him a note on the kitchen table.
When I got to Alice’s I found her sitting on the living room floor working on her science project for school. She looked up and smiled. “Thanks for coming over. Dad’s gone until Tuesday.” She didn’t have to tell me she was lonely. Alice doesn’t like to be alone.
That was a big difference between Alice and me. I didn’t mind being alone but she did. I spent a lot of time here when her dad traveled. I pulled my book from my backpack and curled up on the couch. Alice resumed working on her project.
An hour later, she stacked her books up and stuffed her papers into her binder. “Hungry?”
I nodded. I could eat something light. Not that I was hungry but I knew it would help my body recover faster if I gave it nourishment. Setting my book on the couch, I followed her to the kitchen. While she made sandwiches, I grabbed us some sodas from the fridge and settled on one of the kitchen stools.
“Thanks,” Alice popped the tab on the soda I slid in front of her.
“Welcome,” I bit into the turkey and tomato sandwich. “Mmmm this is good Ali,” I took another bite. We finished our lunch and dropped our plates in the sink. We didn’t do the dishes. Alice’s dad had a cleaning woman and I learned long ago that she didn’t like us doing the jobs she deemed as hers. She was odd but nice enough; when she was around she didn’t bother us.
“So tell me about Emmett’s neighbor? What does he look like? Is he cute? Are you going to see him again?” Back in the living room Alice bombed me with questions I blinked and laughed, typical Alice.
“We didn’t really talk Ali, I was kind of too fucked up. He was nice enough to keep an eye on me but it isn’t like we stayed up playing scrabble.” There was no way in hell I was going to tell her he undressed me. “I’m going to take him his shirt back next weekend if that counts as seeing him again.”
Alice jumped up excited. “I knew it! I knew he was cute!” She clapped her hands together.
Rolling my eyes, I looked at her and grinned. Yeah, she noticed I skipped over that part. “He’s fucking amazing hot.”
My statement sent Alice bouncing her leg and squealing. “Oh. My. God.” She paused dramatically. “Bella. He is the one I just know it. You admitted you needed a boyfriend and then he shows up! It’s a sign! I just know it!”
I was laughing loudly now at Alice’s display of enthusiasm. “I never told you I knew I needed a boyfriend,” I spit out still laughing. Sobering, I added, “I’m sure he isn’t interested considering how we met. What guy wants a chick he found laying in a pool of puke?”
“WHAT?” Alice shrieked coming to a halt. “You threw up?”
I groaned. Ugh! I hadn’t meant for her to find out about that. “Yeah, I was throwing up when he found me,” I said looking at my lap. I really didn’t want to revisit the events of Friday night.
“That’s why you came back with his shirt on,” she surmised.
“Yep’ I’m pretty sure he wasn’t happy about having to baby sit me all night.” I couldn’t keep the disappointment from creeping in my voice. I’m sure it showed on my face, too.
Alice sat thoughtfully for a minute. It wasn’t long before she had whatever crazy plan she was concocting figured out.
“Okay, so we are going back to Emmett’s and you can go return his shirt. I will have Emmett call him and we can set up a friends night out. I can invite Jasper and Edward can be your date!” Alice clapped her hands again flashing me a wicked grin. She could be so devious.
“I don’t think so Ali. Just let me handle this. I’m going to take him his shirt and we will see how it goes, okay?” Alice looked really bummed out. Suddenly I was hit with a case of nerves. How am I going to handle this? I shook my head. Id figure it out later, I had all week to think about what I was going to say.
A date with Edward would be awesome, I think. I meant what I said when I said he was a nice guy. If he wasn’t he would have just left me in the hallway. But guys that fuck hot either have some major character defect or a girlfriend. As soon as the thought crossed my mind, I got even more anxious. Shit! What if he has a girlfriend?
My face dropped and I felt a sinking feeling in my chest.
“Bella! What’s wrong?” Alice noticed my change in demeanor.
“He probably has a girlfriend,” I muttered.
“No guy in his right mind would bring a drunk stranger back to his apartment if he had a girlfriend worth a damn. I don’t know why he didn’t bring you to Emmett’s in the first place which means he must have liked something he saw.” Her eyes were twinkling again.
As much as I wanted to believe her, I knew I wasn’t lucky like that. If it was really like she said, then according to her own words, he wasn’t in his right mind. My good mood began to dissipate and I didn’t want to be stuck in a funk all day so I switched subjects to Jasper. It was easy to distract Alice, at least in the short term.
For the next hour, Alice filled me with information on everything Jasper. His dad owns a construction business and his mom has a small daycare in her home. In the summer, Jasper helps his dad and during school year he helps his mom with the kids when he gets home. He’s an only child and was born and raised in Texas which explains the southern drawl. Moving to Forks when he was ten, his mom home schooled him until high school.
Jasper was always so calm and seemed so centered. He would be good for Alice. Maybe settle her down a bit. She didn’t break the law very often but she was always scheming. I had to wonder what she would be like in twenty years. I could see her robbing a bank at gunpoint to get money to donate to a children’s hospital. She was bat crazy like that and it bothered me to think of what kind of trouble she could find herself in if she weren’t careful.
Alice made it clear a few years ago, she had no intention of going to college. With her upbringing, I wasn’t surprised. Alice had always had everything handed to her, her father made no effort to hide how wealthy he was although he wasn’t the type to rub it in anyone’s face. Greg was a good man and a good dad.
He donated every year to the after school clubs and the local charities. He never gave a whole bunch of money to one place, instead he seemed to divide it through the town. Every year, the sports team who need it the most, would get new uniforms and equipment. The animal shelter was sent a nice check and so did the people at the senior center who took hot meals to the people who needed them and couldn’t get out. Last year, he and Alice picked me up and we went to Port Angeles and handed out sleeping bags at Christmas time to the homeless. He never let us out of the car; we merely passed them through the window. The reaction from the people we gave them too made Alice and I cry on each other all the way home. Life can be so cruel and unfair.
Greg never tried to take credit for what he did. When the senior center wanted to present him with an award at their Christmas party last year, he refused to go to the party until they agreed to not bring attention to his contributions. I don’t know why he never remarried. All I can think is when Alice’s mom died his heart broke for all eternity.
I didn’t know her mom. It happened before they moved here. Alice keeps a framed picture of her in her desk upstairs in her room. The whole thing was quite tragic really.
The day before Alice’s 13th birthday her mom had flown in to Spokane where they lived. The car she had left in the long term parking garage had a flat tire when she arrived. It was mid November and there was several inches of snow on the ground, her flight was one of the last fights to land for several days as Washington was about to get slammed with a blizzard.
Checking the latest weather updates, she called Greg to tell him she wasn’t going to wait for roadside assistance to meet her. She decided to pay for a cab before the snow started falling too hard to get home. After she told Greg her plans, she got on the phone with Alice and told her how much she had loved and missed her. She was so excited that her princess was turning into a teenager. She told Alice she had a special present for her and that she would see her soon. Alice was the last person to talk to her mom before she died, except for the cab driver of course.
Alice only told me her story once. I was one of the few who knew what happened to her mom. Greg had moved him and his daughter to Forks to get away from the sad looks and sympathetic stares.
By the time Greg figured out something was wrong, the snow was coming down heavy. They only lived half an hour out of town but with the bad road conditions he gave his beloved extra time to arrive. When they didn’t show up and he couldn’t reach her on the phone he had called the authorities. Unfortunately, due to the heavy snowfall they were busy and it was several hours before they were able to respond to his call. By then the roads were almost impassable.
Chills ran down my arms, I always got chills when I thought about Alice’s mom. I glanced at Alice who was texting someone, Jasper I assume.
The way Alice told it, her dad went crazy. He was up all night yelling and screaming in the phone, trying to get someone to help him. It was the only time in Alice’s life her dad shut her out. She was completely invisible to him in his rage. She had cried herself to sleep on the couch watching her dad lose his mind in front of her. It was the only time she had seen her father scream and cry like that. She said she was woken several times by the sound of glass breaking or wood splintering. He had completely lost his mind that night.
In the early morning hours the temperatures dropped making it too cold to snow. The soft white flakes turned into one of the worst ice storms Spokane had seen in some years. The taxi had hit a frozen spot in the road and struck a tree early in the evening. The driver had died on impact or shortly thereafter. I don’t know which. Alice’s mom had a broken arm and scrapes and cuts but that wasn’t what killed her. She had frozen to death in the brutal sub zero temperatures. When search and rescue found Alice’s mother, she was huddled with the cab driver in the front seat trying to get any warmth from his lifeless body she could. In her hand was a silver chain and on it a diamond pendant in the shape of an A.
I looked to Alice who was flipping through channels on the TV. I couldn’t see the pendant that fell below her neckline but the silver chain was in place. I had never seen her without it. Why bad things happen to good people Ill never know and it rips my heart out when I see good people hurting who shouldn’t be.
The rest of the afternoon we watched the lamest reality shows Alice could find. I did laugh pretty hard when one particularly mouthy bitch got knocked on her ass and her ridiculously large boob came out of her shit. I was almost in tears. Alice was too, watching me.
I got home early enough to call dad and see if he was going to be home for dinner. I was relieved to find out he was on his way home already. He needed to rest to shake that cold. I pulled what I needed from the fridge and cupboards, starting dinner. Dad loved to fish. When I was younger he used to take me along. It’s not really my thing now I am older. I think he always wanted a boy but he loved me just the same.
Victoria.
I watched from corner as the old bat poured her self another one. She smelled like mothballs and gin. I couldn’t wait to get out of here. This whole house was saturated in her stank.
My boss was a good man. I had worked for him for several centuries and he never turned on me. Time and time again I had seen our kind turn on each other. Vampires are ruthless by nature.
A wicked smile played across my lips as I stepped from the shadows. The hag jumped unsteadily when she saw me appear from the darkness. I watched as the glass fell from her hand in slow motion and fell to the floor. I stalked toward her slowly, calculated. Her eyes were large saucers and bugged from beneath her thick glasses.
“Who… who are you? What do... do you want?” the old woman was barely able to speak, her fear making her stutter. The closer I got the more her skin paled. I knew she could see the blood thirst in my eyes. I knew she was terrified. She reeked of fear which only excited me further. She attempted to step back ward as I advanced seeming to forget the table behind her where she was just pouring her booze.
“Awww. Stupid, weak human, did you forget there was a table behind you? You almost knocked the bottle over,” I cooed. She was frozen in place staring at my eyes. I could see the reflection of my blood lust in her thick glasses. My eyes always turned the most vibrant red before a kill. I’ve been complimented on them many times.
Working with my boss had its drawbacks. He required that most of my meals were of animal and not human. The only time I was allowed to feed naturally was when I traveled as his courier to the Volturi or if I were on a job like this. Even then there were restrictions; no suffering and no mess.
The stupid woman was too frozen in fear to try to run away. I laughed which only scared her more. I could hear her heart which was pounding so fast it sounded like it was going to explode.
“That’s right Grandma, it’s your time. It will only hurt for a moment. I promise.” I licked my lips and could taste the venom pooling around my tongue.
I heard her take what would be her last breath. She had intended to scream but I couldn’t have that. Clamping my hand over her mouth and nose before she could utter a sound, I sunk my teeth in to her neck. She didn’t have any fight to her, not that it would have done her any good. She attempted to push me off her once to no avail. As the blood left her body she slumped in my arms, twitching occasionally, which was normal.
I snarled, drinking greedily from the large vein. Her blood was dirty with alcohol and tobacco and it was sour. A few minutes later, I tossed her drained, limp body on the couch. I moved the largest of the broken pieces of her long since forgotten glass of booze and set them around the floor in front of the couch where I tossed her. Grabbing the gallon of gin, I drizzled it over her pale wrinkled flesh making sure it splashed along the couch and hard wood floor. I moved her filthy ashtray and cigarettes in front of her on the coffee table and flicked the lighter.
I wasn’t sent to take care of humans very often and I can’t say this was the most pleasant of experiences. Her blood was foul and the moth ball odor was repulsive. Doing a quick check to make sure the scene had been set I touched the flame to a gin soaked throw pillow and tossed it back on the couch.
Fire didn’t bother me like it did some. It would take one hell of a fight to get me down. If I had to, I could give my boss a run for his money, but he gave me no reason to.
I pulled the disposable cell out of my pocket and dialed.
“Yes?” the familiar voice answered.
I smiled. If he weren’t hopelessly in love with another woman I would have definitely attempted to become his mate. I liked his wife though. She always left business up to her husband so our encounters were always on a social basis. She was a kind, generous woman, always gracious and happy to see me when I would visit. If she were any less, I would have attempted to steal her mate away from her, but as it is, they were meant to be.
Someday, I hoped to find a mate who would love me like that.
“It’s done. I’ll call you in a few days when we move to phase two.”
“Very good, I’ll talk to you soon, Victoria.” The boss never liked to talk on the phone much. He was smart and I trusted him, perhaps more than I should.
I glanced over my shoulder through the window of the stinking, old house. Flames licked at the curtains inside the living room window. Priding myself in another job well done, I turned my back and ended the conversation.
“In a few days,” I repeated. “Have a good weekend, Carlisle.”
_____
AN:
I was hoping to get this published yesterday but lots of little things came up. I’m a bit under the weather and my son needed extra homework help not to mention my dear neighbor lost her husband a few days ago and I have been trying to be supportive in her time of need.
Next update planned 3-4 days. Have a family trip planned this weekend and will be working on getting a twitter account set up so be sure to check for that after Monday I will post the info with the next update and on my blog profile.
Loving the reviews! Keep them coming!!
Have a great weekend my friends!!
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