Ch 14: Owned

Bella.

Alice didn’t chicken out this time. I was kind of glad to have the distraction. Tomorrow was Saturday and I still had no clue what I was going to say when I returned Edward’s shirt. The fact that he consumed me in my dreams, made it hard for me to even think about talking to him. He had only met me once and probably wants nothing to do with me.

I waited in the lobby for Alice. Although I was curious about the procedure, I had no interest in seeing her naked coochie. It was only half an hour before she joined me with a victorious smile. We stopped at the counter where she purchased a bottle of after care lotion.

“So?” I questioned her once we were out of the store and working our way back through the mall. “How is it? Does it hurt?”

Alice looked at me and grinned. “I’m sore but not bad. Pulling the strips was the worst part but it didn’t hurt that bad for long. I have to exfoliate well and stay moisturized.”

Biting my lip, I briefly considered turning around and making an appointment. It sure would be nice to not have to maintain hair down there. There wasn’t much sense in spending the money anyways since I don’t even have a boyfriend, I reasoned. Even still, the way I pictured myself in my dreams intrigued me.

Alright, I conceded in a silent argument. If Edward goes out with me, Ill get it waxed, I made a deal with myself.

“Are you in a hurry to get back?” Alice interrupted the conversation I was having with myself.

“Nope, whatcha thinking?” I glanced over my shoulder to see what she was looking at behind me. Lingerie, I should have known; Alice loves this store. Resisting was useless. I followed the pixie into the shop.

I browsed the baby dolls while Alice tried a few outfits on. I almost choked when she held the first one up on its hanger. It had crimson velour trim and the bodice was black and sheer. The breasts were supported but not covered and the panty was crotch less. The second one she held up was fashioned after a slip dress and made of white sheer with little white feather ruffles along the edges and a matching feathery thong. Unable to decide she bought them both.

I laughed at her at the register, Jasper was in so much trouble and he didn’t even know it. As if she knew what I was thinking, Alice smacked me in the arm and we both burst into giggles.

It was dark when Alice dropped me off. Dad had dozed off in his chair and I didn’t wake him. Grabbing an apple off the counter, I headed upstairs. As soon as I entered the room my eyes landed on the neatly folded shirt sitting at the foot of my bed. I moved around the room setting my back pack by my desk and draping my hoodie over the back of the chair. I glanced at the shirt again and avoided the bed.

After I had showered and put pajamas on I picked up Edward’s shirt off the bed and set it on my dresser. Tomorrow was going to come whether I was ready or not, I decided.

Sleep did not come easy tonight. I grabbed my book. Reading the same page twice, I realized it wasn’t helping and tossed it frustrated on the night stand.

I managed to talk Alice out of coming with me to Port Angeles. She was disappointed but she will live. Edward was under my skin, but really, what was he to me? He was just a guy who picked me up out of the hallway and took care of my pathetic ass when I couldn’t do it myself.

I don’t even know how old he is. He may not be interested in dating a 17 year old. He probably dates older women. I still don’t know that he doesn’t have a girlfriend. I tried to ask Rose about Emmett’s neighbor upstairs and she just looked at me with a blank stare so I dropped it. I don’t think Emmett told her I how I ended up that morning and for that I was grateful.

I asked Alice not to say anything. Rose has been under a lot of stress lately and Alice agreed. It seems like Rose making this commitment was the hardest thing she had ever faced in her life. I know this is not true. Rose has had a rough life and maybe overcoming these commitment issues really was that hard on her.

Edward was just a guy. I couldn’t keep him out of my thoughts during the day or my dreams at night. My obsession with him irked me. It could have been anyone who found me that night. If it had been someone else would I be having these dreams about them instead? I wondered.

Aggravated, I flipped my comforter back and slid off the side of the bed. Stomping to the dresser, I grabbed the shirt wadding it in my fist and stomped back. Climbing back under my blankets I buried my face in his shirt. Even through the perfumes of the detergent and fabric softener, it still smelled like him. Snuggling back in to my pillow like a giddy schoolgirl I keep his wadded shirt on my pillow and closed my eyes.

As I drifted off to sleep I had the feeling I wasn’t alone. It was having his shirt near me that made me feel that way. It was different but nice.

Alice.

“I’m not sick. Are you telling me that you think I am?” I can’t believe he has the nerve to do this to me again, yet here we are. “I’m not taking crazy pills.” Part of me wanted to cry. Just drop to the floor and melt into a puddle; dissolve in to the expensive imported rug that covered the floor in front of dad’s desk.

“Alice,” his voice was sad and pleading. “Please, you can’t keep denying there is something going on with you.”

My body couldn’t have been any more rigid as I stared him down. I love my dad but this is ridiculous. I know there is truth in his words but I refuse to acknowledge them. After all I have been through a few bad dreams weren’t going to be the end of me. People have bad dreams all the time. Granted mine are a bit more frequent and the intensity is surreal. I have handled them for the most part without my dad. He has no clue what I go through; he is rarely here.

I looked at the sad man in front of me. I know his story better than anyone. Loving dad came easy, he was a good man. Sometimes he made me so mad though. Like now, when he was sitting behind his desk, all business, thinking he knew what was best for me. Where exactly he got off I don’t know, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to parade through my life once a week for the last 5 years and then pretend he knows what’s best for me.

I feet bad for him; after mom died he wasn’t the same. I know he is broken, my heart broke with his. The difference between him and me is how we healed. Im not sure he ever did. If anyone needs medication, it’s him, I thought to myself bitterly. He sat with his head hung down his forehead resting on his palms as he stared at his desk.

As much as I empathized with him I couldn’t help be angry, too. For five years, I have cleaned up after myself and assumed most of the duties in this house. Academically, I am doing fantastic, not that he would know. He is never around long enough to keep up on that; I’ve signed his name to every report card since I started high school. I even sign his name to my truancy slips.

Sure, I’m not perfect. But, I have done a damn fine job of holding this façade of a family and it’s household together while he has been out running from whatever ghosts haunt him. He works himself into the ground and then comes home just long enough to see I’ve got everything handled, and then he is gone again.

“Dad, I love you. But, you can’t come in here after all these years and start throwing your weight around. I didn’t ask for you to come to my room,” I continued knowing I was being unreasonable but not caring, “I have been handling the bad dreams for a while now and do just fine without you.” The last of my words caught in my throat and I choked back the tears I could feel welling up.

Dad’s shoulders visibly dropped. I couldn’t bring myself to feel bad for him though. I had gotten by this long without him, I wasn’t about to let him march in here and tell me I needed to be drugged.

“Have a good flight, dad.” I turned and stalked out of the room, my heels clicking across the hard floor as I left.

My nerves were rattled as I pulled the small vodka flask from my dresser drawer. A long sip of liquid courage later, I felt better. Pulling out my phone, I flopped on my bed to text Jasper.

Bella.

I had thought Rose would be around. I knocked twice on Emmett’s door but there was no answer. Cursing under my breath, I decided to suck it up and turned toward the stairs. One foot in front of the other, I coached myself up the steps without tripping.

The closer I got to his door the slower my feet moved. I still had no idea what I was going to say to him, if he is home, I groaned. He had better be. I stooped outside his door for a moment collecting myself. Exhaling loudly, I raised my hand and knocked.

I stood there for a minute and didn’t hear anything. My heart sank in to my stomach. I debated knocking a second time but decided not to. For all I knew he was inside hiding from me, the drunk he peeled off the floor of his apartment building. It really did bother me that the first he ever saw of me was lying in my own vomit.

I don’t know what I expected. I don’t even know why this guy had this effect on me. I thought about him constantly this week, and the dreams, I glanced at the shirt in my hand. He invaded my dreams. I can’t say it feels right because it’s almost awkward to think of someone I don’t even know to this extent, but my mind being consumed by Edward was not unpleasant either.

This was a stupid idea. I should have given the shirt to Emmett to return for me. Using my toe I kicked the floor. Damn. Giving up, I turned to go.

“Bella.” He said my name making me jump. I froze knowing when I turned around I would see him. Slowly I turned.

His blazing, emerald green eyes bore in to my soul. I don’t know how I didn’t notice them before. I was drunk that night but the next morning I wasn’t. These are eyes I would have remembered and it confused me.

Edward leaned in the doorway resting his shoulder on the frame. He was wearing a thin white t-shirt and a pair of worn jeans that were slung low on his hips. His feet were bare and his hair just as wild as it had been in my dreams. My eyes flickered to his mouth and I felt the heat rush to my face and a familiar tingle between my legs.

Inwardly, I kicked myself. This was not the time to be revisiting those sweet dreams. Not only that, but the fact that I had looked him up and down checking him out and made no effort to hide it made me blush even more profusely.

Edward was staring at me, waiting. I opened my mouth but couldn’t form any words. Gulping loudly, I managed to spit out a greeting, “Hi.”

Are you fucking stupid? I screamed at myself. I’m sure I looked like quite the idiot standing dumb in the hall.

Edward pushed off the door jam still looking at me. His eyes never left my face. I watched as his delicious lips curled up on the edges into a smirk. “Do you want to come in?” He sounded unsure of himself but stepped backward and motioned for me to enter.

I nodded, I think. I moved my head and he seemed to understand. The smile that played on his lips made my stomach flip over.

My feet moved slowly forward through the door and into the living room. I heard him close the door behind me and I closed my eyes. I really needed to get it together. I opened my eyes and examined the room. It looked the same as it did the last time I was here. All the surfaces were perfectly polished. There wasn’t a cushion out of place. If he really didn’t have a girlfriend he was definitely suffering from some form of OCD, I concluded.

Edward moved beside me still a few feet away. I managed to look at him and smile this time. My nerves were evident as I held the shirt I clutched in my hand, out to him. “I like the Sex Pistols,” I blurted out.

I don’t know what about Edward made me stand here like an idiot but I was doing a great job. Edward must have found it amusing though. It seemed the more I fumbled the bigger his smile got and I was starting to get irritated. Not so much with him for finding it funny, but with me for being so stupid.

Edward, stepping closer, took the shirt. “It’s not one of my favorites.” He moved to set the shirt on the arm of the couch.

It seemed like my mouth was finally going to cooperate. “It’s the meaning behind the music that made them what they were.”

“Compared to others they weren’t very good at all.” He pressed. Edward moved to sit on the end of the couch gesturing for me to join him.

Sitting opposite him, I noticed how tense he was. Every muscle in his body seemed to be locked yet he looked so calm. “Then why do you have the shirt?” I pried.

“I collect them. Every concert I go to, I buy a shirt.” Edward leaned back to stare at the ceiling, resting his head on the back of the couch, his hands stuffed in his pockets and his legs stretched out under the coffee table. Even in his relaxed pose he looked tense.

My fingers were fidgeting in my lap and the silence was growing awkward.

“Thank you for helping me the other night.” The words came out before I had time to think. I looked to Edward for his reaction. He was so still if his eyes had been closed I would have sworn he was asleep. Nothing, he didn’t respond.

The frustration was welling in me. This was a bad idea. I cursed myself again for not giving the shirt to Emmett. I had no expectations coming here but I don’t do awkward very well and it was beginning to fill the room.

“You shouldn’t be here. Let’s get out of here.” Edward rose off the couch so suddenly, I startled. He made no sense. I was trying to thank him and he wanted to leave? Maybe he just wanted me out of his apartment. Maybe he really couldn’t stand me. I should never have come in, I could have apologized from the hall. But why did he invite me in the first place? I stood up and crossed my arms. If he didn’t want me here fine, I would leave. But I wasn’t leaving without setting a few things straight.

“I don’t know why you keep blowing me off. I’m trying to thank you. I shouldn’t have come here. I know you probably think of me as some pathetic girl who drinks too much and can’t take care of herself but you are wrong.” I moved toward the door, my voice elevated but shaking. “That’s not me. I was hoping to be friends but apparently you are too good for all that.”

Edward didn’t even flinch. His lack of reaction was really pissing me off.

“Have a great life Edward, sorry I bothered you.” I called over my shoulder. I turned my back to him and headed for the door. As my hand touched the knob he was beside me. Again, I jumped. I hadn’t heard him get off the couch. His arm shot past me and held the door closed, blocking my exit.

My temper flared. “What the hell is your problem, Edward?” I half turned to face him. His face was still void of expression but I noticed a drastic change in the color of his eyes. What once was sparkling green now was mottled in a mix of green and possibly brown, I wasn’t sure. I almost got lost in them but checked myself.

Edward opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. I watched as he frowned and slowly removed his hand from the door. “You frustrate me Bella. I don’t know what you’re thinking.” His eyes seemed to plead with me but I couldn’t get past the colors I was seeing. Sometimes a glint of gold, sometimes a spark that appeared almost red but mostly green and brown.

“Of course you don’t, you would have to be a mind reader to do that,” I spat at him. This conversation, if you could call it that, is ridiculous. “Even if you could, you wouldn’t want to know what I am thinking now.” Take that you smug asshole, I thought. What kind of a person refuses to accept an apology?

Edward was silent for a moment, his face searching mine. I stared back at him, not backing down. It didn’t matter that he was quite possibly the sexiest man I had ever laid eyes on. He was rude and judging from his attitude, single too. Even the heat in my panties wasn’t match for my hostility.

“Look I’m gonna go. I really do appreciate what you did.” I reached for the door knob again and again before I touched it he stopped me, this time with words.

“Bella, I- I’m sorry.” His face softened with his tone. “Please, don’t leave.” He almost whispered.

I should have been alarmed at his unusual behavior but strangely I wasn’t. He was standing so close to me I could smell him; the delicious scent rolled off him in intoxicating waves. It was easy to understand my physical attraction to him but the rest was lost to me. I never should have come here in the first place, I reminded myself again, yet when he asked me to stay, I didn’t want to leave.

“What are you thinking?” he eyed me speculatively. Not knowing how to answer him I looked away. Apparently he wasn’t the only one who was having trouble communicating. I wasn’t going to tell him how hot he was leaning over my shoulder holding the door closed; thoughts of being his prisoner spurring my hormones. I wasn’t going to tell him how my heart leapt when he ask me not to go.

“You need to make up your mind. You want me here; you don’t want me here. I don’t think you are stable.” Looking at him for response, I was quickly learning, was useless. Edward was really good at hiding emotion from his face. I looked at the floor. Getting lost in his eyes was all too easy and I was trying to focus.

“You can stay.” He sounded unsure but spoke with authority. He obviously had issues but that didn’t make him any different from the rest of the people I my life.

I laughed. I’m not sure why but it erupted out of me before I could stop it. Edward was looking at me confused which made me laugh even harder. I’m not sure if it was the way Mr. Sexy couldn’t seem to make up his mind or the way I couldn’t seem to form complete thoughts around him.

Leaning his shoulders back against the wall, Edward had his hands jammed in the pockets of his ratted jeans. His face was lit with amusement as he watched my psycho display.

“Alright, let’s start over,” I chuckled catching my breath.

The smile on Edwards face wiped away any traces of anger I had left. “Okay.”

“Hi, I’m Bella,” I giggled this time, extending my hand. Edward liked me enough to ask me to stay.

Edward.

I shouldn’t have opened the door to her but I couldn’t stop myself either. She was here in my apartment. She wasn’t drugged or drunk; she came here to see me. If had blood in my veins, it would have been rushing from the adrenaline.

My Bella, was here, now. I could barely believe it. I had heard her heartbeat when she entered the building. I heard her knock on Emmett’s door. When I heard her start up the step my world slid to a standstill.

Keeping control of myself the last time she had been in my space, was both the most difficult yet easiest charge I’ve had in this life. Every thought I had that night of consuming her essence was countered by thoughts of what my life would be like without Bella in it.

I shook my head. This inner battle raged on. My inner demon was being a sniveling bitch but sticking to his corner. I filled my head with thoughts of everything Bella to keep him at bay. The peace I felt when I am near her, the way her scent makes me burn inside where my heart lay lifeless, the way she excited me physically.

I pushed off the wall; I would have plenty of time to think about this when she was gone. For now she was here. She wanted to be here and I wanted her happy. I would have given almost anything last night to hear her thoughts when she snuggled in to my shirt on her pillow.

My manners were despicable. Sitting on the couch it was all I could do not to reach out to touch her. She was so close yet we could never be closer. The divide between her mortal life and mine was too big. Never in all my years have I been at a loss for words. Even with my superior skills she left me dumbfounded and tripping. I was so busy fighting the demon that I was unable to have a simple human conversation.

Nothing good will come of this, the demon hissed at me.

‘La tua cantante,’ Carlisle’s words echoed in my ears. ‘Her blood sings to you,’ he had said to me several years ago when we discussed my motives for taking up residence here. Carlisle knew I moved here to be close to her. He knew I visited her. I don’t think he understood what I was feeling though, how trapped she kept me. He only knew what he had read in legends and stories from other covens passed down through the generations.

I was a slave to this mortal. Until the day she stopped breathing and leave this world, her life would dictate to mine. I would protect Bella’s life with my own. She had no clue the powerful monster that I am nor did she possess any knowledge of the power she had over me. Bella owned me.

She stood with her hand outstretched, waiting for me to take it.

Common sense told me this was not a good idea. Getting to know Bella was not safe. I had, to this point, maintained control. Getting close to her on a more personal level was dangerous for us both. If I lost control, even for a split second, not only could she die at my hand, I would be solely responsible for destroying the only thing that has ever made me feel at peace in the last century of my existence.

Making a human friend of Emmett was dangerous. Making a friend out of my blood singer terrified me. Here she stood, in my apartment, and I could not turn her away. Now that she was here, there was no way I could let her go. As much as she owned me, she was in turn, mine.

I laughed a normal human laugh and shook my head at her. “I have had you naked on my couch,” I glanced at her waiting hand, “I think we are past that.”

She smiled shyly and dropped her arm to her side, her face tinged in crimson and she ducked her head down to hide it. She was so cute when she thought she was hiding from me.

I made a mental note to buy some drinks. If I were a good host I would have offered her something to drink but all I had in the fridge was a few beers Emmett had left here. Other than Emmett I had never had someone here that wasn’t the landlord or the drywall repair guys that came a few weeks ago. Rose came with him once but she was so uncomfortable she didn’t even stay long enough to sit down. It was partially my fault.

I had forgotten about my eyes. Carlisle had made blue lenses for me years ago. They were very similar to the human contact lenses except these were made of glass. They tucked beneath my eyelids and changed my unnatural gold eyes green. My body didn’t react to the glass because it wasn’t under my skin, it wasn’t really comfortable but it wasn’t that bad either. It allowed me to go out and walk among humans so that was good.

Before another awkward moment could occur, Bella turned and walked back to the living room.

“So, where is this shirt collection?” Bella’s curvy hips swayed as she walked to the couch and I couldn’t help but stare at her ass. I was jealous of those jeans, I decided.

Wait. What? Did she just ask me to take her to my bedroom? I may be a vampire but underneath it all, I am still a man and that IS where my closet is. My cock twitched. Easy boy, I willed him to be good.

Not used to having company outside of Emmett I had no idea what I was doing, I crossed the room and plugged in my Ipod. Soft blues filled the room as I flipped the stereo on. “Is this okay? I can find something else.”

“That’s fine. I listen to most kinds of music,” she answered shrugging. “Who is it anyway?”

“Marsalis and Clapton.” I cursed silently, again wishing I knew what was in her head. If she didn’t like it I could change it. I really hoped she did though, music was my hobby and I wanted her to like it too.

She shrugged again. “I like blues I just don’t have a lot of experience with it,” she offered. “Clapton is classic though.”

Walking to the closed door of my bedroom I turned the knob and opened it. “You coming?” I tossed the words over my shoulder.

I knew from the jump of her heartbeat she was. I knew she would follow me before her brain had processed an answer. I may not be able to read her thoughts but hearing her heart beat was the next best thing. The pumping of blood in her chest beat faster when she was near me. Even with my back to her, I could determine if she was angry, scared or excited from listening to her heart and the way she sucked air in and out between her delicate lips.

Her rapid beating heart betrayed her innocent offer of friendship. As soon as she had said the words earlier, I noticed she held her breath and the rhythm in her chest picked up. I excited her much more than a ‘friend’. If she were an animal in the woods she would sense danger, but being restricted to her human body she had no clue.

The reactions she had, were from being around me, Edward, not the monster. I was sure of it. Ignoring the demon inside who was doing back flips and hand stands, I mentally kicked him and jammed my hands back in my pockets.

Every fiber of my being was screaming no as I stepped in to my room and waited for her to join me.

________________


AN:

I apologize for the length of time it has taken me to update. I promise at least a chapter a week forgoing any accidents etc in which case I will be posting to twitter.

My honey is in and out of town busting his ass at work, this being his busiest time of year. When he is gone for a week and home for just a few days before heading out again, my schedule on his home days is completely devoted to him. He is my true love and inspiration.

I am also devoting part of my free time to the OWS movement. If interested on my take please continue reading. This will be my only political note on ff. If not, Ill see you next update! As always, I appreciate the feedback and support.~


In the next hour I will be preparing to join my friends in Orlando. We will be joining with many others to protest the corruption on Wall Street and the big banks that own this country. With nearly every household paying on some sort of loan from the bank, we are all owned by the machine.

I want to raise my children in peace. I want to know that my children are getting a good education with the money the government takes from us in taxes it blows my mind the school cant afford books for the classroom reading center or glue sticks.

My honey and I would love to have healthcare insurance but my preexisting conditions make that impossible along with the high rates we have been quoted. We pay for my son’s insurance.

There is no denying the fact that the rich are getting richer and the poor are falling off the grid. Many of us are struggling with foreclosures and bankruptcies; mortgages and car payments, all of which the big banks and corporations make billions from.

I know the difference in my heart between what’s wrong and right; what’s moral and what’s not. I’m sick of the greed and tired of being a middle class family fighting the odds which say we are in the biggest downgrade to the social class since the Great Depression. My other half works his ass off to provide what few extras we have. It’s not a lot, but we are making it. Thankfully, he has a job, I know so many who do not.

I refuse to believe it is right or just for the rich to continue getting richer while our people struggle and suffer. When there is a family in need, I will be the first to pull a box of food from my pantry to give.

Greed is ugly and I do not allow ugly in my home.

Looking in the face of my sweet innocent five year old son, I think of the almost $40K in debt he already has. We work far too hard to be oppressed to this extent.

Nothing will change if no one says or does anything. Protests are happening around the world. People are tired of being slaves to a system that doesn’t give a rat’s ass if they are making it or not. Our country was founded on equal opportunity and I’m not the only one not feeling it.

I do not have a solution. I wish I did. But I don’t have the fancy education like all of our elected government officials. We elected them because they were educated in economics and such. (If I had half a million dollars I wouldn’t trade it for a Harvard education anyways, Id probably open an animal rescue center or give it to needy people.) They need to do their effin jobs or be let go letting someone else step up. That’s how it is in the real world for us working class. We elected people who are qualified to do the work, unfortunately they don’t have the peoples interests in mind, only their own.

I don’t prescribe to the democrat/republican/tea party bullshit. I am a free thinker and avoid being labeled.

I am not afraid of hard work. I am scared for the future and am outraged by the greedy assholes that have ruined this once great country. Its time to dis-assemble the machine and put the people back on top, the way democracy was meant to be.

I am the 99%.