Ch 18: You Stink

Bella.

Leah didn’t question why I had called her off the mountain. As we drove out of town Leah pulled a joint from the console and lit it up. Taking a nice long drag she smiled at me and passed the burning log at me. Smiling back I accepted and inhaled deeply before handing it back to her.

“So how have you been?” I hadn’t seen Leah in a few weeks although nothing really happens up on the Res she was always busy with something.

“Good,” she replied, “I started harvesting Comfrey this morning, not too much more to get done.”

Leah really liked her Comfrey tea. And she wasn’t the only one. Every year she would dry bunches of it and gives it to all the women on the Res. It was a very popular herb and is supposed to have healing powers or something.

“Ill help,” I volunteered. Leah knew I was always willing to help her out when I came to visit, even if I had no clue what I was doing. She was more than willing to show me what needed to be done while insisting I really didn’t have to if I didn’t feel like it. Honestly, my hands needed something to do. I looked down at my fingers locked together in my lap. My knuckles were almost white from being so clenched.

Untangling them I sighed and took another rotation. Exhaling I felt a layer of tension leave my body, so much better than those stupid nerve pills in the medicine cabinet at home. I quickly shut the image of the offending orange bottle out of my head.

Leah kept the conversation light. She was always looking for plants and flowers on the sides of the roads. Another month or so and she would soon be out foraging for wild ramps. I shuddered, thinking about those nasty little things. Not only do they taste horrific they stink out her entire cabin when she cooks them. I wrinkled my nose and she noticed which sent us both into a fit of giggles.

My phone sounded to alert me of an incoming text. Alice. I know she tried really hard to give me space when I need it but she was clueless that this was one of those times.

‘Where are you?’

I didn’t want to tell her I was with Leah for some reason. I guess I know she worried about me up here after the whole Jacob thing. Of course, I hadn’t told her about my last run in with him. I hadn’t told anyone.

‘Will explain later. All is well.’ I replied with a smiley face attached to the end. It was so fake. To tell your best friend all is well when you split to nowhere in the middle of school and wont say what you are doing…. Oh, poor Alice. The things I put her through, I half smiled. I bet its killing her, if its not now, by the end of school she will have herself all worked up.

‘Fine you better call me later’

Her short response made it obvious she was a bit peeved that she didn’t know what was going on. I smiled. Alice worries too much. I slipped the phone back into my bag.

Leah wasn’t lying when she said her house was a mess. Laundry waiting to be folded was piled on one end of the couch in the living room. There was a small pile of dishes in the sink and the floors were in need of some love with little bits of dirt tracked in from the garden just off the back porch.

Leah giggled as I took it all in.

“Okay, so with all the men gone up North I haven’t been doing much indoors. But…” Leah’s face stretched into a wide smile and she motioned for me to follow her through the back door just off the kitchen.

“I just cant bring myself to do anything inside with the weather being so perfect this last week,” she explained.

I stepped out on the wide porch and laughed. The garden resembled a war zone. Piles of weeds at the ends of the rows were waiting to be hauled off. The wheelbarrow sat in the middle of the cabbage with an overflowing mass of offensive weeds and clumps of dirt in it. It had sunk in the soil on one side and was listing dangerously. There were posthole diggers and a roll of wire that was coming unwound and making a fine mess all on its own. In the middle of the garden was a tall post that stood a few feet taller than me. It stood all by itself and looked so out of place. A tall ladder rested on the roof of the porch that was littered with a drill gun and a jar of screws and hooks that had been knocked over.

I was partially in shock. I had never seen Leah’s place such a mess. My face must have showed it too because Leah bust out laughing loudly next to me.

“WHAT are you doing?”, I joined in busting up along with her.

Leah, through her fits of giggles, explained how she was making a wire trellis from the center of the garden to the eave of her porch. I rolled my eyes. Leah had a habit of having really great ideas but usually ended up making a mess during the implementation of said ideas. When the men got back they would fix up whatever damage she had done to the roof and anything else she had assaulted. And when they finish she will have her trellis. Until then, well, she had this.

Leah knew her own silliness when it came to her home improvement projects so I didn’t feel bad about laughing at her. Leah grabbed a couple of half frozen bottles of water and tossed one to me.

Of course I dropped it but she missed that part. I followed Leah to her Comfrey beds and watched as she skillfully selected and clipped the large leaves, stacking them neatly in a pile beside her. It wasn’t long before I had picked a plant a few feet away and started my own pile.

The next few hours passed quickly. I heard my phone ringing from the porch where I had dropped my bag. Brushing the dirt off my hands I didn’t realize how sticky they had become working with those plants. Running in to wash my hands first, I pulled the phone from bag. One missed call from Dad and one message.

He was working late again. Dropping the phone back in its place I smiled as I watched Leah approaching with a large bundle of leaves in her arms.

“Break time”, she announced. “Why don’t you grab what you have,” she nodded toward the Comfrey bed where I had been working. “Let’s get these inside and go for a swim.”

It sounded like a good plan to me. I quickly gathered the clipped leaves noting my stack was half the size of Leah’s. Setting them carefully next to Leah’s on her large wooden kitchen table I realized how dirty I had gotten. My knees were black, and the sweat was making my clothes stick to me quite uncomfortably. A quick jump in the river was exactly what I needed.

Leah reappeared with a couple of old towels and we headed back out. The river wasn’t too far from Leah’s cabin at all. There was a nice spot she and I had often frequented over the years. It was a small deep hole with as much privacy as one could hope for on the river.

Leah and I quickly ditched our clothing until we were down to our underwear. Leah raced up the rock that overlooked the hole.

‘C’mon Bella.” She half whined as I picked my way carefully up the side. It was only 15 foot above the water so it wasn’t a large jump, and it was one I had done many times before.

I was watching my footing when I heard the big splash. Grinning to myself, I reached the top. The anticipation of the cool water already had set in and a shiver passed through me. Glancing below to make sure I didn’t land on my friends head I took two quick steps forward and plunged off the edge.

Icy.

Darkness.

Edward.

The branches were snapping in my hands but I barely noticed. Every rock hard muscle in my body seemed strained as if it were possible. I couldn’t smell anything that smelled right. Everything was off, something was wrong. The smell of the mutts permeated every dead pore and the harder I tried to pick something up, anything, the stronger it got.

Jumping from tree to tree I circled the perimeter going only as far as I was permitted. Curse the ancients for their treaties. The branches continued to snap in a blur of my frenzy. I just needed to know my Bella was alright. She was wrapped in the cloak of the dogs and despite my incredible abilities there was nothing I could do.

And then I heard something, in the distance, I heard several something’s. There was a vehicle, midsized, possibly a truck; coming off the mountain and it was moving faster than vehicles usually traveled that old dirt road. From the other direction came an ambulance, sirens wailing. Snap, another branch, this one substantially larger. I flung the stupid annoyance out into the woodlands and faintly heard it brush the ground as it landed.

The driver of the ambulance had nothing nice in his head. He apparently didn’t like these dogs any more than I did from the sounds of it.

‘…female, 17 years old, head injury…’

The growl that escaped me had no filter. Had anyone heard it they would have been clueless as to what it was or where it came from. I was gone from my spot before any human eye would have been able to see me. I moved quickly around southern rim of the perimeter. Snap. Crack. I didn’t care. The trees cried from the abuse.

Fuck it. I couldn’t take it any more. Leaping to the large Cedar across the forbidden line I paused. Breaking Carlisle’s rules was something I had done before but it was never anything like this. This was forbidden by more than just my Coven. As my head did battle with any amount of common sense it could attach itself too, I smelled her. I smelled her blood. Without another thought I leapt forward farther into the unknown. There was only one thing that was important right now. Bella.

Charlie.

“WHY WAS SHE EVEN UP THERE?” I knew the nurse wasn’t going to know the answer but at the moment I had no one else to yell at.

“When the doctor comes out he may know more than I do,” the poor nurse offered weakly before making a hasty exit. I couldn’t even feel badly for the way I had treated her. Shaking my head and jamming my fists into my pockets I continued to pace the room. No one dared look in my direction and I didn’t care, in fact I preferred it.

Bella.

Somewhere between darkness and pain I tried to open my eyes. Or at least I think I did. It was too much, I felt everything that screamed pain, and nothing at all. The light was blinding at first and it hurt. Like a knife in the brain. I wanted to rub them but my arms were too heavy. Blinking slowly there wasn’t much I could make out. A window obviously, and I think a chair. And a face. There was a man here with me. It was too fuzzy and my head was screaming. Blinking again, slowly, I tried to focus on his face. He looked so…. familiar.

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. Frustrated I pushed my raging head back into the pillow behind me and squeezed my eyes tightly shut.

“Bella…” It was barely a whisper and it startled me. Something cold brushed my cheek sending shivers down my body. My eyes flew open and I was once again blinded by the offending window at the end of the room. Looking around the fuzzy room with my head feeling like it was going to explode took every ounce of strength I could muster.

My neck strained to lift my head even the slightest bit. In confusion I realized I was in the hospital. And I was in this room completely alone.

No. No. No.

The last thing I remember was.., I coaxed my memories awake. The last thing I remember was swimming, with Leah, on the Res.

“Bella?” his voice was soft and gentle. Dad. I sighed and tried to turn my head.

“No, no baby, don’t move,” in a flash he was next to me. I tried to lift my arm to reach for him but he quickly took my hand and shushed me. “Let me tell the doctor you are awake honey. I’ll be right back I promise.” Dad’s voice was so soothing. He gave me a gentle squeeze of the hand and let go.

“Dad...” I croaked out.

“Shhhhhh, Ill be right back Bells.” I heard him move to the door.

That’s when it struck me. Panic hit. If I can’t barely move my arms… holy shit! Slowly I moved and wiggled my toes. The ache of my muscles was nothing compared to the fear of losing my legs. Shew! Everything was moving and nothing felt broken.

I started when the door swung open. I was relieved Dad was back though. Everything hurt so badly and I still couldn’t see well.

The doctor was a kind woman, tall and blonde. As she spoke I tried to focus on what she was saying, something about I had hit my head and had a few stitches, I was sedated but now they were going to let me wake up. I had two stitches in my head and she was ordering something for pain. That’s about all I got out of it and that was enough. I was so tired. I closed my eyes and sleep found me again. In the darkness there was no pain, I sighed contentedly and slipped into the nothing.

Alice.

“I don’t know anything Charlie.” I didn’t like how he was treating me and I wasn’t going to stand for it. I almost wished my Dad were home. Charlie was acting crazy like I wasn’t just as worried about Bella. “You are going to have to ask her,” I added a bit softer.

As much as Charlie was trying to grill me like a common criminal I knew he was just worried about Bella. She had gone to the Reservation with Leah and had been swimming when she hit her head. I knew as much as he did. If she went there to get drugs I sure as hell wasn’t going to be the one to tell him that. Damn Bella and her knack for getting into sticky situations. And damn her dad for expecting me to know what goes through her head. I really don’t know what she is thinking most of the time.

Charlie turned his back to me and was staring out the huge picture window overlooking the manicured back yard. “I know Alice. I believe you.” His shoulders dropped even farther. “I wish we were closer and I just thought maybe you would know something with as close as you two are.”

I moved behind him and wrapped my arm around his sunken shoulders.

“I wish there was something I could say but there isn’t,” I tried to comfort him with a squeeze.

Charlie turned and placed his hand on my shoulder. “You are a good kid.” He looked sadly into my eyes. There was something I was missing. I couldn’t put a finger on it. Charlie wasn’t saying something. I searched his eyes until he broke contact. Looking at the ground he shoved his hands in his pockets.

“They are releasing her in the morning as long as everything goes well tonight.”

“I’m sure she is going to do fine,” I tried to reassure him. “Its just for observation, right? Nothing is going to happen; they are just going to watch her Charlie.”

He sighed loudly resigned to his depression.

“Im going to get back down there and see if she needs anything. Do you think you could bring her a change when you stop by later? It would save me a trip to the house.”

“Of course I can!” I exclaimed. I walked Charlie to the front door and wrapped my arms around him for one last squeeze. “It’s alright Charlie.”
“I know it is kiddo”, he offered me his best smile. Looking me in the face his smile faded. “She is all I got..” his voice choked with emotion. I swear I almost saw tears starting to form in the corner of his eye when he quickly darted out the door. “See you in a bit,” he called over his shoulder as he walked to his cruiser.

Bella.

Dad was great in making sure I was as comfortable as possible. He brought me breakfast this morning from the diner so I was spared the hospital food. He closed the curtains in the room for me so when I woke the light didn’t blind me as badly as it had last night. My body was sore and my head raging. I needed a shower pretty badly too. Being brought in the ambulance with no clothes on I had sent him to the house to get something for me. He had been sitting here all night in a cramped up chair. He refused to leave me. The thought brought a slight smile to my lips. I couldn’t imagine a better Dad.

I thought back to this morning when I had to call a nurse for help. He looked so at a loss that he couldn’t help me to the bathroom and back. Poor Dad, I thought. He kept calling me his baby. It must have been awful for him. To think all this was because of my clumsy ass, again. This wasn’t the first time I had scared him with an injury, the last time was in Canada though. When my mom…..

“Hey baby,” the door of my room swung open. I pulled myself up into more of an upright position on the bed. Dad pressed his lips to the top of my head while asking how I felt.

“I’m okay,” my throat was still hoarse and burning but I was managing alright. “Ready to go home,” I attempted to smirk but my head still hurt and I don’t think it came out very well.

“One more night Bells,” Dad was being so nice it was hard to know how to respond. Of course, his child almost accidentally offed herself so I knew he was out of sorts too. It was making the whole scene uncomfortable in a way. He was treating me like a small child and I wasn’t sure how to respond.

I had already slept every bit that I was going to be able to sleep. I had hoped he would change and take a shower when I sent him for clothes but he obviously skipped that. I looked at him confused. “Dad, did you bring me some clothes?”

“Alice is going to bring them later.”

“Alice?” Where did he run in to her?

“Yeah, she is better at figuring out that sort of stuff than I am.” He shrugged and took a seat in the chair in the corner of the room. Grabbing up the magazine he had read front to back twice already I suddenly felt the urge to get him out of there. Where it had been wonderful to have him here a few minutes ago, the prospect of sitting here watching him reread the same magazine again made me feel awful.

“Ummm Dad?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think you can see if the nurse will help me take a shower?” I felt so grimy and really wanted to wash.

Dad looked at me skeptical. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“Yes, Dad. My head isn’t hurting nearly as bad.” I reached up and touched the soft gauze on the side of my head. “I did fine walking while you were gone.”

Dad’s eyes almost popped out of his head and it caused me to laugh. Of course the sound ripped through my skull and echoed painfully. I closed my eyes and laid my head back waiting for it to pass.

Eyes still closed I explained to Dad that a nurse had come in while he was gone and helped me around a bit. I was shaky on my feet but I did just fine considering. I was glad he was gone for that part. Dad has a tendency to get short with the nurses when he sees me wince.

“Really, Dad, I’m okay,” I assured him. I wished with all my heart I could wipe the worry out of his eyes. Without warning the tears started falling from my eyes. I couldn’t hide them from him.

“Bella, baby!” He rushed to the side of the hospital bed. “Shhhhh honey what’s wrong?”

“Dad, really, everything is fine,” I insisted through the tears. Taking a deep breath I tried to make it okay. “I’m just tired and emotional. It has to be the drugs, remember the doctor said I would be off for a little while.”

I looked at the thin white blanket covering my feet. Waves of guilt washed over me. Dad didn’t need this and I was the reason he was here. When I told him he should take time off I didn’t mean to spend with me here like this. This wasn’t right. I wasn’t right. An awful feeling of remorse flooded me. I was responsible for putting him through all this. The air was stifling. And frankly, I was overwhelmed with the baby treatment.

Where just a bit ago I was grateful to not be alone and oh so thankful for real food, I was not looking forward to spending the night reassuring Dad that I was okay and no I didn’t need anything, every time I shifted in the bed.

“Dad, why don’t you go home? Let the nurse help me take a shower and Alice will be here in a bit. There really isn’t anything you can do for me here.”

The words hung in the air and I watched Dad take them in. At first, I regretted saying them; the look of rejection on his face was heartbreaking, as if I hadn’t put him through enough.

“Dad, you need a shower.” I smiled the biggest smile I could manage. The teasing tone of my voice seemed to reach him.

“Alright kiddo, if you’re sure,” he slowly absorbed what I was trying to say.

“Its okay. I know it was crazy last night for you and I’m so sorry.” I bit my lip choosing my words carefully. “All my tests came out fine; they just want to watch me tonight, nothing is going to happen. There is no point you sitting here being miserable with me a second night. You should go home.”

“You sure Bells?” Dad looked torn.

“Yeah Dad, I’m sure you stink,” I giggled gently, emphasizing the stink part.

“Alright baby, promise you will call if you need anything?”

I rolled my eyes, “Yes Dad, I will call. I’ll be fine. Go and get something to eat and get cleaned up. I’m only a phone call away.” I giggled again stealing Dads usual line.

“Alright kiddo, if you think you will be alright Ill take you up on it.” Dad lifted an arm pretending to smell him self and I laughed. Pain shot straight to the site of the stitches and I winced again.

“Dad! Get out of here you are making me hurt myself!” I exclaimed with a huge smile on my face. My head hurt like hell from laughing but I was getting him in a better mood and that was what I had hoped I could do. He looked so upset when I told him he should leave; I couldn’t leave it like that.

Dad promised to be back first thing in the morning with breakfast and I promised to call if I needed anything before then. And then he was gone.

The shower I requested turned out to be a lot more than I bargained for. The IV that hung from my arm hurt and I was constantly getting caught in one of the lines. I couldn’t wash my hair and had to wear a ridiculous cap to make sure my bandage didn’t get wet. I would be able to wash my hair in a couple of days I was told, until then I would have to be patient. I was glad there was a bench in the large shower. I needed it.

I missed Alice stopping by. I was exhausted after the whole shower ordeal and unlike my Dad she didn’t try to stay to watch me sleep. Inside a small coach overnight bag that was obviously Alice’s I found my toothbrush, deodorant, fresh underwear and a matching pair of sweats. Best. Things. Ever. When you are in the hospital.

The nurse brought me some magazines to help me pass the time when I finally woke around 8. The nurse sent down for some food that I pushed around on my plate. It really wasn’t very good at all. The longer I was here the better I felt the slower the time went.

I debated texting Alice but I didn’t know where my phone was. My head was too tender to use the phone in the room to make any calls. I didn’t really feel like talking but there was an element of loneliness that crept in to the room after a while. I wondered how many people were in the hospital that had no one. It was a sobering thought and I hoped Dad was okay after I sent him away.

After exhausting the pile of magazines filled with superficial articles about clothing and makeup I finally gave up and decided to try to sleep as much as I could so morning would come faster.

I never would have thought hitting your head could take so much out of a person. Sleep was peaceful and came easy even if I did wake up several times. Twice I woke in the night to the IV pulling at my arm and both times there was an extremely good looking orderly there to help me get unstuck.

Even in my sleepy state in the dark room I could see him pretty well. That same guy who was there the first night, right when I woke up before Dad came in. He never said a word and he worked quickly before he would quickly disappear again on me. Both times I thanked him and got no reply. If I hadn’t been so tired I would have been more conscious of the fact I looked like hell. He probably thought I was a complete idiot for hitting my head while swimming and I must have looked a fine mess with sleep crust in my eyes, dirty hair and a bandage on my head.

Either way, he was there for me when I needed him and knowing he was around made it easy to slip back into the darkness.

Ch 17: Time

Bella.

I heard Dad come through the front door and groaned. Dinner was ready and thankfully my mother hadn’t called back yet. I knew she would though and I hated her for it. Glancing at the clock I smiled. Dad was home earlier than usual but only by a few minutes. Sometime after laying down I must have drifted off to sleep for a few hours. Shaking my head slowly and grimacing I swung my feet off the bed. Plodding to the bathroom I splashed some water on my face and headed downstairs.

Reaching the kitchen Dad called out, "Hey Bells! Smells great!"

My Dad couldn’t cook a decent egg let alone a whole meal. Often, when I’m gone on the weekends Dad eats down at the diner in town. I think he has a crush on Marie but he won’t admit it. Marie has worked at the diner as long as I can remember. I have seen the way she flirts with him and the way he lights up when she does. I guess it would be awkward to see Dad with a woman, but I think it would be good for him. All these years and he hasn’t dated once since Mom left. She ruins everything and everyone.

A sigh escaped and I quickly dismissed that line of thinking. She was going to call eventually and I wasn’t going to tell him she already did. Having Dad get mad because I wont talk to that two bit whore was the last thing I wanted.

I placed Dad's plate on his table and he went right to it. After getting the standard appreciative response to the plate of hot food that he was busy inhaling I excused myself and went back upstairs stopping to pop the leftovers in the fridge.

The last two weeks had flown by. They seemed to be going faster the closer the end of the school year got. Mom never called back and for that I was grateful. After homework I committed to spending time every night get my college applications completed. I had filled out the easy sections over a month ago, leaving the 'fun stuff' for last. It wasn’t fun but I got through the first one and the responses only needed tweaked a little bit to be copied on the other two. I inspected each one carefully Monday night and pressed the envelopes closed securely.

All three packets were ready to be mailed and sitting on my tiny desk. Tuesday I forgot to grab them. Wednesday I remembered them before I left but told myself I would take care of it the next day and save myself a trip back up stairs. Thursday I shot them a dirty look as I left the bedroom. Now it is Friday and here they sit.

I stared at the three manila envelopes neatly stacked on the corner. I hate that I am so hung up on this. Lost in thought I nearly jumped out of my skin when Alice came through the door downstairs squealing. I hadn’t heard her pull up, I must have been somewhere in between I don’t ever want to leave Forks and a bad visual of my life as a spinster living with Dad in 20 years.

Alice came bounding through the bedroom door full of smiles. If I didn’t know her better I would think she was medicated. Alice drank, but never did drugs. I did talk her into taking a puff off my bowl one time and after listening to Alice laugh for three hours straight I decided not to do that again. She also decided that was the last of that too, after a long nap and waking up to a hoarse throat and aching sides from her hysterical giggling fits.

"Are these them?" Alice eyed the envelopes I was standing dumbly in front of. She knew I had been busting my butt this week to get them done.

I nodded and she bounced to my side and snatched them up. "Aw, Bella! You sealed them!," she looked genuinely disappointed. Why she would want to look at the contents was beyond me. She knew way more about me than I would ever put on paper, certainly there was nothing for her to learn from some stupid applications.

Shrugging, I turned away to grab my backpack and jacket. Glancing out the window I saw nothing but grey. The fog was thick today. "Ready?" I tossed over my shoulder at the pixie as I headed to the door.

Reaching the bottom of the stairs I noticed Alice was still clutching the ugly yellow envelopes. She was going to make me drop them on the way to school; there was no sense in bothering to say a word about it to her. I looked bitterly at the papers secured by her perfectly manicured black and silver nails.

I wasn’t opposed to college but I was opposed to the change coming so fast. I just didn’t feel ready to send them out. Confusion clouded my mind and I felt numb.

"Bella?", Alice's voice broke my thoughts and I shot my eyes to meet her. I shivered and felt my skin flush a bit. Half way across the kitchen floor I had stopped walking and was just standing there like an idiot staring at the envelopes she was holding.

Alice was more excited about me going to college than I was by far. Of course, Alice didn’t have any plans for college. Her family’s wealth didn’t require that she do anything so Alice opted to spend a year out of school before she settled on a college. Money may not be happiness but it sure can give you a lot more options.

"I'm, uhh.. Nothing," I mumbled embarrassed at my obvious dumbness. I heard Alice sigh behind me but I didn’t dare make eye contact with her. She knew I was having a hard time with this but she didn’t know why. Hell, I didn’t even know why. But, either way, I wasn’t ready to talk about it.

It’s not like I could say much. I knew nothing myself. When I knew something I would share it, until then there was no reason to bring it up. I guess I am like my Dad in that way.

Holding the door open I let her exit first and I pulled the door shut behind us. Alice practically floated down the four porch stairs and I watched her perfect curls head to her waiting car. Reaching up I touched a rogue strand of hair behind my ear. Alice was always so spotless in her appearance and graceful. I couldn’t have loved her more if she were my own sister. We were opposites in so many ways. I looked down at my hoodie and jeans and sucked in my bottom lip just enough to taste the trace of strawberry chapstick. Feeling through my jeans, I confirmed the little tube was in the back pocket of my jeans.

Satisfied I hadn’t forgotten anything, I pulled the door shut and put my key in the big metal lock. It clicked loudly as the deadbolt locked in place and that’s when I heard it.

The phone.

Alice.

Bella was seriously going to make me mad if she kept this up. The last two weeks she has been stepping back. She always does when something bothers her but it usually only lasts a few days.

I know she is nervous about college and she has been dragging her feet with these applications. Marching in her room this morning, she had no idea I was there on a mission to get them. How perfect they were sitting right there!

I giggled quietly to myself and slid in to my baby. Setting the envelopes carefully in the back seat I looked to see what was keeping Bella who was still standing on the porch. Her shoulders looked stiff and she was just standing there with her key in the lock. Tapping my nails on the steering wheel I made up my mind to go see what the hold up was when she turned and not so gracefully tripped over her own feet almost tumbling to the bottom step rather than walking like most people.

Averting my eyes I couldn’t help but smile at my silly friend. Bella is the most accident prone walking catastrophe waiting to happen I have ever known. Grimacing I watched from the corner of my eye as she pulled herself along toward the car. The look on her face was unreadable. Bella and her damn mood lately, I cursed under my breath. She didn’t look like she was in pain and she was walking fine. I hoped she wasn’t putting on a front for me, twisting her ankle and not wanting to say anything. Bella was like that. She was the least needy person I had ever met as well, I decided.

I winced a bit as Bella closed the car door a little too hard. Flashing her a quick smile I thought I would do my best to bring her out of this fucked up wet rag mood she was in.

"Do you want to go to Port Angeles with me this weekend? I want to get a new cell phone at the mall." Seemed like a simple enough question. I wasn’t sure Bella always had fun shopping with me but she always agreed to go so I guess she just enjoyed it in her own way. "While we are there we can go to that little bookstore", a sly smile played across my lips, the one with the coffee shop inside. Bella wanders around looking at books while I sit on the couches provided sipping on a hot latte. I plotted away in my head still waiting for her response.

Finally Bella found an answer for me. "I don’t know."

"Well gees Bella, its not like I’m going to twist your arm," I teased her lightly. Something was really bugging her. The last time I mentioned stopping at the book store she lit up.

"Sorry, I don’t know, I’ll let you know, okay?" she mumbled and sighed, turning to look out the side window. I hate it when she gets this way.

We rode in silence for a few minutes before she turned back to look out in front of us.

"Sometimes...", Bella started speaking so low I almost couldn’t hear her. It’s hard to be patient sometimes. Especially for me. And right now after all the weird shit my BFF is doing as of this last week I’m wanting some answers. Bella is one of those people who you just have to wait until they are ready. If you try to push her, it will take her even longer before she will open up. Bella has one hell of a fortress when she feels she needs to protect herself. The only one who gets past her walls is her, when she is ready.

"Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if there were sun in Forks."

"What?" I spit out with a confused smile. My friend is such a weirdo.

"You know, if there was less rain and more sun?" Bella glanced at me briefly before looking back out the window.

"Why not move to where there is more sun. California is nice and they have great beaches with warm sand." If Bella was accepted to USC she would be in plenty of sun. "You would burn to a crisp of course, with that skin of yours," I giggled.

Bella sighed and shifted in her seat.

"You can’t have it both ways you know," I spoke softly and slow.

"I know." The two words hung sadly in the air. Bella turned the radio on as if to change the subject.

The rest of the drive to school was quiet. Bella didn’t say a word when we drove thru the post office and I dropped her applications in the drop box. She was out of the car and waiting for me on the sidewalk before I could blink. It was unusual for Bella to be so quick like. Whatever was bothering my friend was really getting to her. I just wish she would talk to me, I told myself for the umpteenth time.

I spotted Jasper right away. It was impossible not to. He was so tall and the curls on his head were like a flashing sign calling me to him. Not wanting to seem too eager I smiled and winked, keeping pace with Bella.

It worked out well. It only took a minute for Jasper to make his way over and catch up to us. Eyeing him up beside me I inhaled. He smelled so good the scent went straight to my panties. Jasper was taller than most of the guys at our school. Everything about him was perfect. From the curls on his head to the way his jeans hugged his firm rear; perfection.

Jasper moved to Forks two years ago. I knew there was something different about him the first time I saw him. I tried for weeks to get him to notice me and I couldn’t get so much as a blink in my direction. Our first date was amazing and he has been the perfect boyfriend. We haven’t really discussed our relationship status which was something we were going to need to do and soon. My feelings for him are stronger than I dare let on. With a skip in my step I set the pace for my two best friends and the man I adore and we made our way down the long hall to our classes.

“Whatcha thinkin about?” his voice was low and his breath ticked my ear.

Trying to ignore every raised bump on my skin I smiled even wider. My heart was racing but I was getting used to that when Jasper was around. Peaking slyly up at him keeping my lashes low I whispered back to him, “Dessert.”

Jasper cocked his head to the side and raised one eyebrow with a grin on his face so goofy I let a giggle out. Quickly looking at Rose and Bella I was happy to see they hadn’t noticed our little exchange. Bella was reading over notes and Rose was busy on her phone.

Looking back to Jasper he didn’t disappoint. “Dessert?” I wanted to reach up and kiss the corner of that crooked smile but this wasn’t the time. We needed to establish our relationship and its boundaries.

We had reached our first period classes which were right across the hall from each other. Bella and I shared homeroom and Jasper and Rose are straight across from us. I tried to ignore Jaspers hand as it brushed lightly across the fabric of my pleated skirt. I loved this skirt and had hoped it appealed to him. Careful to conceal my victory smile I stepped through the door he was holding for us.

The smell of Jasper filled my nose and I skipped a little lighter than normal to my seat. Something about him, everything about him felt right.

Morning classes flew by and soon I was seated at our table with Jasper and Rose. Bella hadn’t arrived yet, probably in the restroom I reasoned and took a big bite out of the red apple on my tray. Ten minutes in to lunch Rose and Jasper had taken to bickering over some country singer I had never heard of.

Jasper really liked his country music. I never really cared for it until Jasper took me on our first date. On the way home he sang along to the radio some tune I had never heard. Just watching him sing and bat his eyes at me sold me on country music forever.

None of this was enough to distract me from the fact that Bella was missing. Rose must have noticed I was getting fidgety although I tried not to interrupt her and Jasper’s playful banter.

It was good to see him so welcomed by Rose. She wasn’t the easiest person to get along with.
I matched Rose’s arched eyebrows with my own.


“She probably had to talk to a teacher,” Rose offered, there was no need to ask any questions, Rose was as aware as I was of our missing friend. Without waiting another minute I pulled out my sleek hot pink phone and sent Bella a text.

I still couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t right.

She was acting awfully strange this morning when she got in the car this morning. She didn’t seem to mind that we stopped at the mail box. I couldn’t help but feel like I was missing something.

“Alice?”, Jasper was sitting across from me and I blinked.

“Yeah,” I half grumbled.

“I’m sure if something happened she would call, she probably just got busy helping a teacher or something.” Rose’s words sounded more confident than she looked which only worried me more. Rose wasn’t a worrier that was my job. Bella never missed lunch without sending me a text and she rarely did that.

Realizing they were both waiting for me I smiled, “I know. I’m sure its nothing.”

Jasper brightened at the cheerful note in my voice and I instantly felt bad for deceiving him. Everything was not fine. I just had a feeling. It would do no good to worry my friends though so I let them both believe all was well. Jasper, not knowing me nearly as long as Rose, took the bait. Rose smiled and played it well but I knew she was suspicious of my sudden change of heart.

“So what are we doing this weekend?” Jasper’s soft words gave me an easy out. Thank you Jasper for giving me an out, I thought and another twang of remorse hit me. Only Bella understood my gut instincts. Rose tried but it just wasn’t tangible enough for her to ‘get it’. Rose was the friend who I absolutely loved to shop with. Rose is my shopping soul mate.

“I think we should get together at my place, we’ll get Bella and you,” I smiled big at Rose. “If you aren’t doing anything should come over with Emmett. Dad is home so maybe we can have a BBQ. Its supposed to be nice out and we really haven’t done anything outdoors in so long.” Bella didn’t seem too interested in going to Port Angeles with me this weekend. It would be easier to get her to come over to my house than to go out of town. I looked back at Jasper to see his reaction. “Is that alright?”

Grinning from ear to ear Jasper chuckled. “You win.”

“I win?” He confused me, not that it was a bad, I thought to myself with a hidden giggle.

“Yup,” his drawl went straight to my toes as usual, if he only knew what that did to me he would never let me live it down. “I was hoping,” he continued, “to make a trip to the coast or maybe up to LaPush. I was kind of hoping to take your dad up on that game of pool he promised me and you did say you would feed me…” He trailed of with a goofy grin on his face.

My insides did a double back flip. He wanted to spend time with my dad! The thrill his words sent through me I couldn’t put words to. Jasper had only met my dad briefly at the house. We were in the pool room and Jasper had told dad he admired the quality workmanship of the table and dad told him the next time he was there they would play a game. Butterflies tickled my insides and for a moment I almost forget about Bella. Almost. There were only 15 minutes left to the end of lunch and she had yet to show or text me back.

Careful not to let Rose or Jasper see I slid my phone off the table and held it under the table sending a second text.

“WHERE ARE U ?????”

Bella.

Nothing felt better than the wind in my hair, at least at this moment. There was something about being up here that made me always feel so alive, so free. I looked down the hill at the school below me. Everything about me being here is wrong yet when I am here it feels so right. I’m not hurting anything. Of course if Dad knew he would be furious. I know I’m clumsy. I think that’s what keeps me from coming here more often.

The danger of the climb when you are me is a thrill like no other. I am not afraid of heights but I am not fond of them either. I guess its all part of the experience. I sat on the cold steel scaffolding and zipped my hoodie all the way up. Its always breezy up here, my eyes scanned the branches of the surrounding trees. The water tower was less than a quarter mile up the hill from the backside of the football field. No one came here. I don’t know why, it seems a perfectly good place to find some punks hanging out with spray paint cans. There were no signs that anyone had ever been there except for the access road which was badly overgrown and barely visible through the trees.

Why?

Why now?

Is it wrong to wish she would just disappear? I bit my lip. I wasn’t ready to deal with this. I don’t know that I will ever be. What my mom is and what I wished Id had are two different things. Long ago I gave up on the idea that she might come back. I mean, just to be real with myself, its not like I didn’t wish I had a mom on more than one occasion. Now, it is different.

I wish she would just not do this. Dad doesn’t need this. He still doesn’t look well and I think about it every night when I see him come through the door so worn out. I don’t need this. I have finals to get ready for and college to figure out. I don’t have time for her bullshit.

The tears started to well up and I quickly brushed them away. My hurt quickly turned to anger.

Grabbing the railing in front of me I pulled myself up off the steel landing. Standing with both hands securely on the railing I leaned forward and let the find hit full in my face. I stood there for a few minutes just breathing with my face tipped up and my eyes closed. The air is always so sweet and crisp here: exhilarating. Pushing myself back from the railing I slowly cracked my eyes and peeked through my lashes.

With a quick intake of breath I sat down again carefully. I really shouldn’t be up here but some things just feel right. Like the wind in my face. Maybe sometimes I just need to cross the line. There is a stigma that goes with being a cop’s kid. Breaking the rules isn’t something I do a lot; this definitely crossed the line, like climbing through a hole in a chain link fence that’s posted all over with no trespassing signs. A laugh escaped me. Dad would kill me; I shook my head at myself.

Tipping my head back against the cold cylinder behind me I closed my eyes. Sometimes the best way to figure things out is to think about nothing at all. I cleared my mind, several times, and eventually found a place of peace. The wind whispered and whistled gently in the trees around me. I felt completely alone but as close to on top of the world as I have ever been. It was serene.

Not comfortable though, I shifted my weight on the cold steel and cleared my head again. Before I graduate I want to bring a camera up here. If I end up leaving Forks Id like to have a picture from up here.

Grudgingly pulling out my phone, turned the power on and checked the time.

“Shit!” I swore out loud. I completely lost track of time. Taking a second look at the display I pulled myself to my feet again. Damnit. Lunch is already over, and according to my phone I’ve missed two texts from Alice. Groaning I pocketed the phone and moved to the ladder.

Don’t look down, I reminded myself and I held my breath as I felt for the top rung with my foot.
This part was always worse than going up. With an iron grip I worked my way backward down the ladder. Reaching the bottom I let out a sigh as the familiar weight settled back around my shoulders.

Pulling my phone back out I sent Alice a short text telling her I was fine with no explanation. At least with her being in class I wouldn’t have to explain why I didn’t answer her texts. I’d tell her I went for a walk, it was the truth, I decided.

I looked back up at the tower high over my head. The peace I found a few minutes ago way up there seemed so far away now. All I wanted to do was climb back up there but I had to get going. I just wanted to get away. I needed more time to think.

Sending another text to Leah I leaned against the ladder and stared out in to the woods. It didn’t take her long to answer me back. She would meet me at the corner in 30 minutes.

I skirted around the football clearing keeping to the tree line and went to wait for her. I would text Alice in a bit so she wouldn’t worry about me getting home. I needed to get out of here and go where I can’t be found. I would be safe at Leah’s. She texted me twice this last week wanting me to visit. She knew I didn’t want to be around Jacob so it was no surprise when she told me he was gone on a camping trip with a few of his friends.

My butt was almost asleep when Leah pulled up to where I sat on the side of the road waiting. It seemed like it took her forever to get there. I jumped up stiffly and climbed in her car anxiously. Skipping out on school was another thing that Dad didn’t approve of. Most of the time, I was with Alice and she always got me off the hook with Dad. Today I just didn’t care; I would deal with him later.

Edward.

I smelled the foul odor on the wind before I heard the car. A low growl sat in my throat. The branch I had wrapped my hand around started to creak and I loosened my grip. I had hoped they weren’t going back to the land of the dogs but it was useless. Following them as far as I could I found a nice spot in a fir not too far from the road that led up the mountain. Soon the scent of my sweet Bella was completely lost in the stench of the mutts.

I sat with my eyes fixed on the road in the distance. I would wait for her to come back. I would see her safe home, as I did every time I followed her here.

Ch 16: Oh Doctor!

Edward.

I knew he was going to fuck this up. It was all my fault. Carlisle was probably already on his way to put an end to them both.

I loosened my grip on Emmett’s shirt, the fabric strained and ready to rip. It was hard enough to focus with every ounce of reason in me was drowning in her scent. Emmett was yelling at me but I couldn’t hear him and I could feel the featherlike touch as he used all his strength in an attempt to escape me.

I didn’t dare look in her direction. Rose had already made up her mind to leave and I adjusted my grip on Emmett. Rose’s heels loudly clicked on the floor as she stormed toward the exit on the far wall. She was followed by Bella and Alice, Bella’s little friend.

As soon as they were out of sight and the cafeteria door slammed shut behind them I felt Emmett go limp. Seeing the fight go out of him I let go and he slumped to the floor, his back to the wall.

I looked down at my mortal friend. I didn’t envy him a bit. There was something horribly wrong with seeing a man blubbering like a baby, especially a big guy like Emmett. He was no match for my kind but his size alone was enough to intimidate most men, yet he let this woman break him.

The Principal of the school was on the way from the office. She was wondering if she should have called the authorities prior to coming down to the cafeteria but she hadn’t. This was little relief as I was still not prepared for a confrontation with her and Emmett certainly was in no shape.

“We gotta get out of here,” I tried to raise him out of his broken hearted stupor. Emmett stared at the floor in front of him blank. “Emmett!” I raised my voice and he promptly brought his eyes up. The Principal was getting closer and the situation was becoming more urgent. I could disappear quickly enough but my slow, human friend moved with oafish speed.

“We have to go.” I urged him. “Now.”

Emmett blinked a few times the words sinking in. Nodding, he pulled himself up off the floor. Grabbing him by the shoulder I rushed him down the hall and around the corner just before the Principal appeared. It was close but she didn’t see us.

Driving home it was quiet. There really wasn’t anything to talk about. Emmett looked like hell and stared out the window the entire ride. I knew he’d be alright but I still didn’t like seeing him this way. Relationships are something I have managed to avoid in all my years. Of all the humans I have known, very few are fortunate enough to find mates for life. Carlisle and Esme mated as vampires and their relationship was one to admire, although for vampires, love is a rare occurrence. Most vampire romances end in violent death and I wanted no part of it.

I glanced at Emmett’s hunched up figure. He sat on his couch, elbows on his knees and head in his hands. His head was racing with thoughts about her. It was impossible for me to tune out in such close proximately. Wanting to give him some privacy I let myself out of the apartment telling him I would be back later.

Ever since Rose had stormed out of Emmett’s life I had been feeling guilty. How could I not? And the proverbial knot in my cold stomach only grew the longer this situation went on. Everything that has happened up until now has been my fault. I was worried about Emmett but not for the obvious reasons. I was more concerned about whether Carlisle knew what was going on and if so, was he coming? Racking my mind I tried to sense something, anything. I kept coming up empty.

Of course, that didn’t really mean anything either, Carlisle had grown fairly good over the years, at blocking me. He was better at blocking specific thoughts though, rather than blocking me out completely. If Carlisle decided, it could be the end of Emmett and it would all be my fault. Shuddering, I shoved the thought from my mind. I couldn’t even fucking think about it.

Walking at human speed down the hall toward the stairs I shook my head. Seeing Emmett like that really sucked. Part of me was sad for him and another part of me was glad I had sworn that shit off.

If you aren’t one of the lucky ones, the love you seek, may be the love that destroys you.

Something I wanted no fucking part of.


Bella.

I dropped my hand from my nipple and lay back trying to catch my breath. My fingers were sticky and my purple wand a mess tossed on the bed beside my thigh. Masturbation came easy for me in my teenage years but want something I really took a liking to until this last year, even more so this last week.

Something about Edward made me quiver as soon as he would enter my thoughts. His dark eyes and creamy skin give me chill bumps. His lips were the most curious shade of red and I want to taste them. It doesn’t take long thinking about Edward to get myself worked in to a frenzy that leaves me panting and spent.

Grabbing the purple toy off the bed I quickly washed it and put it away. The sticky mess between my legs seemed worse this time than it had the last. As I came I was slightly surprised at the fluid that gushed out of me. I have always gotten sticky but something about him made me cum harder than any other time I had released myself.
After a quick shower I shoved my hair up in a messy bun, tossed on some yoga pants and an old t-shirt and headed downstairs.

The small kitchen still looked drab even though bright light poured through the small kitchen window. Sunshine was rare in Forks. It would be a good day to ride to the Res, I mused. Jacob flashed through my head and I quickly discarded the idea.

Muttering, I walked to the stove and locked the door and started the cleaning cycle.
The refrigerator door propped open easily and I started piling the contents on the counter.

Keeping busy the rest of the afternoon I was able to cross quite a few things off the to-do list that seemed to be growing. After the fridge was cleaned out and everything put back in its place I ran the swiffer over the floors and made a note to hit the baseboards next time. With the laundry caught up and the bathrooms wiped down I flopped down on the couch and laid back, closing my eyes.

The house was quiet. Dad would be home in a few hours. I could smell the savory herbs that were now wafting in to the living room from the kitchen. Dad loved his fish but he also had a penchant for pot roast which I had tossed in the slow cooker first thing this morning. Stretching I half rolled off the couch. Grabbing the empty laundry basket on the way, I headed upstairs to clean up.

The familiar fairy dust ring tone touched my ears just as I sat down on the edge of the bed. Stuffing my feet down the pant legs and jerking the course material over my hips I ran for the stairs. Alice put her own personal ring tone on my phone so I would know it was her when it rang. It was a distinct chime that belonged to no one other than my very own pixie.

Almost to the bottom of the stairs my right foot somehow pulled a signature move got caught up and before I could catch the rail I felt my body slam into the cool floor. My shoulder hit first, my hands coming up in time to shield my head. Pain radiated from my shin that whacked the last step as I fell. Two small beeps came from the direction of the kitchen table alerting me to a new message.

“Shit!” I cursed out loud, shaking my head. It was no use being disgusted at my own clumsiness, this is me. I’ve been this way my whole life. Dragging myself carefully off the floor, I half smiled. At least no one saw me this time. Rolling my shoulder in a small circle I winced. It was going to be sore. My shin hurt too. I limped to the table shakily and snatched up the little black android. Not wanting to dial messages I called Alice.

Alice didn’t answer so whatever she was doing I just missed her. She must have jumped in the shower, I thought. Its not like she would go anywhere without her phone. Leaving a quick message I slid the phone in my back pocket and headed to the medicine cabinet for some ibuprofen. The throbbing just below my knee was pretty bad and was sure to leave a large bruise. A quick assessment in the bathroom showed a large red welt across the front of my leg and another on my shoulder where most of my weight landed.
I’m not heavy, I eyed myself in the mirror. Heavy enough, I concluded with a sigh.

A shrill ring cut through the silent house. The house phone rarely rang and it startled me.

Alice must be trying the house phone, I rolled my eyes. She sure can be freaking impatient at times. If she would have checked her own messages she would have called my phone.

Hobbling to the phone where it was mounted on the kitchen wall I fumbled and almost dropped the receiver.

“Hey,” I answered as cheerfully as I could muster, attempting to smile through the dull pain standing brought me.

“Isabella!” her shrill, sugar coated voice came through the line and I stopped. My fingers clenched tightly around the receiver. What does she want, I spit silently. I wasn’t about to find out. Quickly depositing the receiver back on the base, I stood staring at the phone for a moment.

She never calls unless she wants something. This was not good. It had been quite some time since I had heard that voice. Shivers ran down my arms as I thought back and tried to remember how long it had been. Not long enough was all I could come up with.

The phone rang and knocked me out of my skin. I wasn’t answering this time. It rang again and I backed away. Let it ring. A call from her meant nothing good. Turning, I raced up the stairs to the safety of my room, the phone in the kitchen ringing unanswered behind me. I heard the machine pick up on the fifth ring, just as I closed my bedroom door.

Scrambling up to sit in the middle of my bed I crossed my legs and buried my face in my hands. Applying pressure to my eyes I could feel the onslaught of a headache radiating from my temples. Wishing I could just answer the phone and tell her we are all dead, never to call again, I climbed off the bed and went in search of some Tylenol.

I had long ago gotten over the fact that I had no mother worth mentioning. She was a waste of space and the way she took advantage of my dad really pissed me off. My mom had been off the grid for a couple of years now, I couldn’t help but wonder what drama had her all screwed up this time. Thinking back to her other escapades I decided it didn’t matter, I really didn’t care.

Carlisle

Damn this kid. And humans think teenagers are difficult, the chuckle never made it past my lips. Leaving the door open behind me I moved to the leather chair behind my desk and sat down. I heard Edward shuffle in behind me. Shuffling papers around on my desk I knew he was trying. I had gotten better over the years at blocking him out. In the beginning this annoyed him, but as time went on he came to understand I wasn’t going to share everything thought with him.

The room was thick with silence as it usually was when Edward fucked up. Finally, I gave him what he was waiting for, lifting my eyes I spoke first, “Well?” There was no need to say more as I quit reciting the periodic chart in my head. I found that one particularly effective in keeping Edward out. Only he and I knew his little secret, his only weakness. Yes, it was possible to keep that little shit out of my head and I was quite smug about it.

Edward knew what I wanted. I had once hoped he would grow in my likeness. Perhaps go in to medicine and learn to co-exist as Esme and I have. Edward had never been able to quite make that connection though. It was as if he were missing something, or waiting for something. Our kind goes one way or the other. They either integrate in to the human world, or they stay far from it. All these years and Edward was still perched on the fence not willing to commit either way.

There was something different about him this time. I shifted my eyes from the papers in front of me to the laptop beside me which I flipped open. Out of Edward’s line of sight, the sleep mode screen stared lazily back at me. I motioned for Edward to sit.

Edward didn’t move. Not a muscle flinched. Curious. Defiance. Exasperated, I brought my hand down on the desk in front of me, careful not to damage the delicate wood fibers. I was fond of this desk, it had been an anniversary gift from Esme. A vision of her splayed out naked with her wet parts exposed flashed through my head.

“This is bullshit!” Edward jumped forward. “What? What do you want Carlisle? Im a fuck up, a bloody fucking fuck up!”

There comes a time in every parents life when you just know that enough is enough. For several decades now Edward has challenged me at every turn. It is pointless to go over the laws with him again. He had heard them so many times he could recite them backwards with perfect punctuation if so motivated, I was sure.

I raised my eyes knowing before I locked with his exactly what I would see. His arms were folded across his chest, shoulders high. It didn’t take but a fraction of a second to assess what was different. His smart ass smirk that he usually wore when we had to ‘talk’ was gone and it was replaced with something much more foreboding.

I knew something in Edward had changed, something had happened. I know he had fought the thirst out there with that little girl. The fading red in his eyes told me I was right. But there was something more to it. This was not the first time Edward had to hold himself back, nor the first time he had struggled with it.

I took note of the hard line set of Edwards jaw as he clenched his teeth together. His eyes, though trained on me, danced wildly with a fire that was new to us both. It was obvious he was furious but I couldn’t help him if he didn’t talk to me. I had long worried about Edward and what his future held for him. I had fears that I shared with no one, not even my own wife. Until Edward was willing to commit to himself, accept what he was, there was always a possibility that something could go terribly wrong. Edwards’s inability to apply himself to living in the world around him, either with or without human contact, had put our coven at risk more than once. More than the others knew about.

“Why?” he mumbled. Edwards’s shoulders gave in and his head tipped down. He knew he would have to answer to me as the head of the coven but I wasn’t sure he understood that with him, I was more lenient than the Volturi would ever approve of. Edward was the closest thing I had to a son and the leeway I gave him over the years was enough to warrant my destruction had I ever been found out.

Edward moved to the chair in front of the desk and sat, his head bent down and his eyes on the floor. “I don’t know where to start,” the amount of misery and anger in his voice left his sounding like a desperate child.

Leaning back in my chair I kicked my legs out crossing them under the desk and folded my hands across my chest.

“Why don’t you start from the beginning?” I prompted him gently.

After a short pause he began with a shaking voice that I had never heard. I was definitely in uncharted territory.

“Something happened out there, Carlisle.” His red stained eyes flickered up to meet mine before going back to the floor. “I… I don’t know.”

I waited.

“Like I said at the hospital, she was going to jump.” He shrugged, “Something told me I couldn’t let that happen. So I didn’t.” Edward took another pause and met my stare. “I smelled her.”

Those little three words, I smelled her, did something to him. I watched every muscle in his body clench and the flames that flared in his eyes. Unclasping my hands I sat up. This wasn’t good. Taking care not to let Edward hear my thoughts I kept my face impassive.

“What stopped you?” I asked him levelly.

His eyes flickered again. Something was seriously different this time. Edward was really messed up and whatever happened in those woods had everything to do with it.

“Stopped me?” he repeated my question out loud elevating his tone. I saw his muscles flex and I knew it was coming. I didn’t flinch when he jumped up suddenly sending the chair under him flying back against the wall.

“YOU THINK I WANTED TO KILL HER?” Edward yelled. Holy shit this kid is a mess, I thought. Edward stalked to the office window and stared out in to the foggy woods.

“I didn’t want to kill her,” he wasn’t yelling now, he was whispering. “I had to save her, protect her.” He was making no sense and his mood swings were really starting to bother me. This was not typical Edward.

Another few minutes past and he stayed quiet just looking out the window.

“Tell me what happened to her neck, Edward,” I prodded him cautiously.

As much as I loved him there were certain boundaries he could not cross if he wished to remain with this coven. I was as scared of hearing his answers as much as he was scared to find himself. Edward’s fate had always tormented me. Our coven does not allow the feeding off humans and as head of this coven it was up to me to see that those rules are followed lest there be sever consequences. Keeping those thoughts tucked safely out of his grasp I continued to observe the unstable boy.

Keeping his back to me Edward brought bought hands up and placed them on the cool glass, tilting his head forward to rest on the smooth surface. “She is different,” his voice was so low a mortal would never have heard him. “She is unlike the others. Her scent, her taste. I don’t know Carlisle. I don’t know what the fuck happened out there.” His shoulders sagged down in defeat.

I had seen Edward as many things, but defeated was not one of them. There was something going on with him and it left me with an uneasy feeling. I couldn’t shake the notion that something big was coming. This may be it, I thought, this may be the turning point for him. I watched the young vampire staring out the window. With all my heart I hoped, whatever it was, whatever was going on with him, it didn’t end poorly.

He seemed so torn, between not wanting to hurt her, and devouring her. As much as I wanted to give him all the answers, I honestly at this time, had none. This was something Edward was going to have to figure out on his own.

“I just need time to think,” he pulled his hands from the glass and stood up straight. Turning to me he looked me in the eye, “I just need to clear my head.” Stepping in front of the desk he looked down at me where I sat. “Can we continue this later?” he half pleaded with me.

“How would you feel about another trip to Africa?” I asked carefully, not wanting to upset him more.

“No!” Edward practically shouted in my face. Well that went over well, I rolled my eyes inwardly at myself.

“Edward, do I have to remind you-…”

“No, fuck Carlisle, I got it. I know the rules.”

“Edward, you don’t have to swear at me so much.” I reprimanded him. “And, yes, we can finish this later,” I added quickly.

Edward looked at me thankfully, but it was no mask for the turmoil and chaos that spun in his eyes. They say the eyes are the window to the soul. Edward claims he has no soul yet his eyes speak volumes. I slowly shook my head from side to side.

“I don’t know either Edward.” It was a fact. “I’m going out tonight. Would you like to join me?” Edward rarely hunted with me, or any of us for that matter. We all knew he had issues. He preferred to eat alone, a bi product of self loathing.

H shook his head ‘no’ as I knew he would and then he was gone. Typical Edward.

It had been one of the longest days Id had in a long time.

Edward had left the house. I caught a glimpse of his backside as he disappeared in to the dense forest branches. Closing the laptop and straightening the papers on my desk, I stood up. In my human days, a day like this would have warranted a beer. Loathing the stuff as a vampire, I knew exactly what I needed.

I found her in the kitchen arranging wildflowers in a vase at the sink. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her body hard to mine. Burying my face in her hair I inhaled deeply. Every day she smelled better than the day before, I could spend eternity wrapped in her scent, and I planned on doing just that.

“Mmmm”, Esme purred pressing herself closer to me. Her ass rubbed across my groin and my arms tightened on her waist.

“Do you like them?” she asked, her delicate fingers still tweaking the arrangement. Like a blind man drowning, my face still buried in the curls around her neck, I planted a soft kiss over her jugular.

“They pale…”, the tip of my tongue drew a line up her neck to her ear lobe.

“Next to you,” I finished, whispering in her ear. My teeth pulled at the small lobe and I felt her body respond. Spinning her slowly to face me I knew what I needed.

I wrapped one hand in her hair and tilted her head back, my lips softly touching hers. The tender kisses I gave her before, are the same kisses I leave her with. What happens in between is a different story.

The kiss deepened and I grasp Esme’s hair more securely. Her nipples hardened as they always do; little pebbles on the peak of each upturned breast. Esme let out a low growl and I knew she was ready for more.

Pulling back I smiled. Esme was such a dirty girl and I was her very lucky man.

“I think the doctor has had a long day,” I stated, staring at her twinkling eyes.

No sooner had the words left my mouth, a wicked smile formed with her full lips.

“Tsk, tsk,” Esme clicked falling into her role. “The poor doctor had a long day,” she crooned. Esme’s hands ran over my chest and circled my waist band. My cock twitched, hard against the fabric of my boxers and slacks. Esme’s fingers went slowly to her own blouse and she slowly undid her top buttons. I leaned back against the marble countertop drinking in the sight of her. Pulling the shirt off she reached behind her and unclasp her bra. The hard pebbles that were straining against the restrictive clothing sprang free and bounced lightly in front of me.

Esme’s shirt and bra hit the floor and I reached my arm out for her. Esme shook her head so I dropped my arms dumbly at my sides. She brought her hands to her breasts and cupped them pointing them at me. My eyes greedily fixed on her tits I couldn’t wait to get those hard nipples in my mouth. I loved to chew on her nipples and I loved how she reacted when I did.

Her fingers were pinching and rubbing small circles around the rosy buds making my cock twitched repeatedly and hard.

“Would the doctor like to relax?” Esme’s husky voice turned me on even more. Before this was over I was going to fuck her so hard. Nothing I had ever encountered was hotter than the sex I had with my wife. My mouth turned up at the corners and Esme grabbed my hand, leading me in to the den. Guiding me to my arm chair I stood where she left me.

Esme brought her lips to my ear. “I’m going to try to make you feel better, doctor. Let me know how I do.” I nodded and watched her fascinated. This woman had a way with my cock.

Her slender hands make quick work of my slacks and boxers and they soon were crumpled around my ankles. I closed my eyes and held perfectly still. I felt her soft kisses whisper across my skin and trail down my chest. Then she stopped. I groaned and opened my eyes. Looking down I saw her on her knees. Her mouth in perfect line with my raging cock and her fingers back at play with those fuck hard nipples.
I couldn’t take it anymore. “Suck my cock, Esme.” I ordered her. The biggest smile took over her face seconds before she plunged my cock in to the back of her throat. Guiding her head, I thrust my hips in to her making her take all of my length.

Esme moaned appreciatively, I know she likes to suck my cock. I hissed every time she would drag her teeth across the skin of my dick. Soon she had abandoned all control and I roughly took over. I yanked her head off me and tossed her a few feet away.

Esme, landing in a low crouch, let a giggle escape and had barely time to recover before I pounced. She loved the cat and mouse game but we had to be careful. While she was fine redecorating every time we had sex indoors, we agreed it was wasteful and excessive so we tired to limit the damage.

As I sprung toward her she leapt farther away from me. She was fast but no match for me. The second time she tried to flee I grasp her by the ankle and drugged her roughly back across the floor to me.

“You will not escape me, you little minx”, I chuckled out loud at her beaming face. Esme loved to be dominated. Shredding the remaining clothes covering Esme’s sweet nectar I pinned her arms above her and used my teeth to give her nipples the attention they longed for. Carefully sucking in between biting, I massaged and sucked her tits until she was wreathing so hard under me I had almost lost her.

Without giving her time to think I flipped her over on all fours and buried myself in her ass. Esme let out a loud howl at the forced entry but soon fell in to rhythm taking it like a good girl. I would make up for this later tonight, I decided. For now, burying my cock in her tight ass was all I needed to shut out everything that happened earlier.

I could feel my balls get tighter and new I was close. Over and over I slammed myself in to her. I was almost there so I grabbed her hair and yanked her head roughly back. “Do you like this?” No answer. She couldn’t see me smile. I yanked her head again, this time bringing my other hand down flat on her right ass cheek. She whimpered slightly with the sting.

“Yes!”, she let out finally. “Fuck me Doctor!” and with that I buried my dick deep in to her extremely hot and tight asshole and I emptied in her.

Untangling my hand from her hair I rolled her gently on her back. My lips found their way to hers and I peppered her with soft kisses. Esme looked amazing in my arms, naked, freshly fucked and completely in love with me. Her face said it all.

Pulling myself to a sitting position I admired the exposed skin stretched out in front of me. If I had to choose between mortality and Esme, it would be her every time.

I smiled lovingly at her and rose to my feet, extending her my hand.

“Hunt with me , my love.”

________


AN: Okay, okay, I know I have been sucking with updates. My honey is off over the holidays and we have ALL of our birthdays between Oct and Jan. so I have been running my butt off and spending time doing naughty things with the man of my dreams.

The little ones are off to school and daddy is back to work so this naughty mommy has free time again!!!! I would say expect weekly updates now we are through the craziest part of our year.

Would love to hear your thoughts. Who knew Esme was a dirty girl too and oh my god why is Bella not doing that luscious prick Edward yet? Don’t worry, he is HANDling it for now. Good, yummy things to come. Much love for my readers, hope you all had an amazing holiday season. ~