Ch 17: Time

Bella.

I heard Dad come through the front door and groaned. Dinner was ready and thankfully my mother hadn’t called back yet. I knew she would though and I hated her for it. Glancing at the clock I smiled. Dad was home earlier than usual but only by a few minutes. Sometime after laying down I must have drifted off to sleep for a few hours. Shaking my head slowly and grimacing I swung my feet off the bed. Plodding to the bathroom I splashed some water on my face and headed downstairs.

Reaching the kitchen Dad called out, "Hey Bells! Smells great!"

My Dad couldn’t cook a decent egg let alone a whole meal. Often, when I’m gone on the weekends Dad eats down at the diner in town. I think he has a crush on Marie but he won’t admit it. Marie has worked at the diner as long as I can remember. I have seen the way she flirts with him and the way he lights up when she does. I guess it would be awkward to see Dad with a woman, but I think it would be good for him. All these years and he hasn’t dated once since Mom left. She ruins everything and everyone.

A sigh escaped and I quickly dismissed that line of thinking. She was going to call eventually and I wasn’t going to tell him she already did. Having Dad get mad because I wont talk to that two bit whore was the last thing I wanted.

I placed Dad's plate on his table and he went right to it. After getting the standard appreciative response to the plate of hot food that he was busy inhaling I excused myself and went back upstairs stopping to pop the leftovers in the fridge.

The last two weeks had flown by. They seemed to be going faster the closer the end of the school year got. Mom never called back and for that I was grateful. After homework I committed to spending time every night get my college applications completed. I had filled out the easy sections over a month ago, leaving the 'fun stuff' for last. It wasn’t fun but I got through the first one and the responses only needed tweaked a little bit to be copied on the other two. I inspected each one carefully Monday night and pressed the envelopes closed securely.

All three packets were ready to be mailed and sitting on my tiny desk. Tuesday I forgot to grab them. Wednesday I remembered them before I left but told myself I would take care of it the next day and save myself a trip back up stairs. Thursday I shot them a dirty look as I left the bedroom. Now it is Friday and here they sit.

I stared at the three manila envelopes neatly stacked on the corner. I hate that I am so hung up on this. Lost in thought I nearly jumped out of my skin when Alice came through the door downstairs squealing. I hadn’t heard her pull up, I must have been somewhere in between I don’t ever want to leave Forks and a bad visual of my life as a spinster living with Dad in 20 years.

Alice came bounding through the bedroom door full of smiles. If I didn’t know her better I would think she was medicated. Alice drank, but never did drugs. I did talk her into taking a puff off my bowl one time and after listening to Alice laugh for three hours straight I decided not to do that again. She also decided that was the last of that too, after a long nap and waking up to a hoarse throat and aching sides from her hysterical giggling fits.

"Are these them?" Alice eyed the envelopes I was standing dumbly in front of. She knew I had been busting my butt this week to get them done.

I nodded and she bounced to my side and snatched them up. "Aw, Bella! You sealed them!," she looked genuinely disappointed. Why she would want to look at the contents was beyond me. She knew way more about me than I would ever put on paper, certainly there was nothing for her to learn from some stupid applications.

Shrugging, I turned away to grab my backpack and jacket. Glancing out the window I saw nothing but grey. The fog was thick today. "Ready?" I tossed over my shoulder at the pixie as I headed to the door.

Reaching the bottom of the stairs I noticed Alice was still clutching the ugly yellow envelopes. She was going to make me drop them on the way to school; there was no sense in bothering to say a word about it to her. I looked bitterly at the papers secured by her perfectly manicured black and silver nails.

I wasn’t opposed to college but I was opposed to the change coming so fast. I just didn’t feel ready to send them out. Confusion clouded my mind and I felt numb.

"Bella?", Alice's voice broke my thoughts and I shot my eyes to meet her. I shivered and felt my skin flush a bit. Half way across the kitchen floor I had stopped walking and was just standing there like an idiot staring at the envelopes she was holding.

Alice was more excited about me going to college than I was by far. Of course, Alice didn’t have any plans for college. Her family’s wealth didn’t require that she do anything so Alice opted to spend a year out of school before she settled on a college. Money may not be happiness but it sure can give you a lot more options.

"I'm, uhh.. Nothing," I mumbled embarrassed at my obvious dumbness. I heard Alice sigh behind me but I didn’t dare make eye contact with her. She knew I was having a hard time with this but she didn’t know why. Hell, I didn’t even know why. But, either way, I wasn’t ready to talk about it.

It’s not like I could say much. I knew nothing myself. When I knew something I would share it, until then there was no reason to bring it up. I guess I am like my Dad in that way.

Holding the door open I let her exit first and I pulled the door shut behind us. Alice practically floated down the four porch stairs and I watched her perfect curls head to her waiting car. Reaching up I touched a rogue strand of hair behind my ear. Alice was always so spotless in her appearance and graceful. I couldn’t have loved her more if she were my own sister. We were opposites in so many ways. I looked down at my hoodie and jeans and sucked in my bottom lip just enough to taste the trace of strawberry chapstick. Feeling through my jeans, I confirmed the little tube was in the back pocket of my jeans.

Satisfied I hadn’t forgotten anything, I pulled the door shut and put my key in the big metal lock. It clicked loudly as the deadbolt locked in place and that’s when I heard it.

The phone.

Alice.

Bella was seriously going to make me mad if she kept this up. The last two weeks she has been stepping back. She always does when something bothers her but it usually only lasts a few days.

I know she is nervous about college and she has been dragging her feet with these applications. Marching in her room this morning, she had no idea I was there on a mission to get them. How perfect they were sitting right there!

I giggled quietly to myself and slid in to my baby. Setting the envelopes carefully in the back seat I looked to see what was keeping Bella who was still standing on the porch. Her shoulders looked stiff and she was just standing there with her key in the lock. Tapping my nails on the steering wheel I made up my mind to go see what the hold up was when she turned and not so gracefully tripped over her own feet almost tumbling to the bottom step rather than walking like most people.

Averting my eyes I couldn’t help but smile at my silly friend. Bella is the most accident prone walking catastrophe waiting to happen I have ever known. Grimacing I watched from the corner of my eye as she pulled herself along toward the car. The look on her face was unreadable. Bella and her damn mood lately, I cursed under my breath. She didn’t look like she was in pain and she was walking fine. I hoped she wasn’t putting on a front for me, twisting her ankle and not wanting to say anything. Bella was like that. She was the least needy person I had ever met as well, I decided.

I winced a bit as Bella closed the car door a little too hard. Flashing her a quick smile I thought I would do my best to bring her out of this fucked up wet rag mood she was in.

"Do you want to go to Port Angeles with me this weekend? I want to get a new cell phone at the mall." Seemed like a simple enough question. I wasn’t sure Bella always had fun shopping with me but she always agreed to go so I guess she just enjoyed it in her own way. "While we are there we can go to that little bookstore", a sly smile played across my lips, the one with the coffee shop inside. Bella wanders around looking at books while I sit on the couches provided sipping on a hot latte. I plotted away in my head still waiting for her response.

Finally Bella found an answer for me. "I don’t know."

"Well gees Bella, its not like I’m going to twist your arm," I teased her lightly. Something was really bugging her. The last time I mentioned stopping at the book store she lit up.

"Sorry, I don’t know, I’ll let you know, okay?" she mumbled and sighed, turning to look out the side window. I hate it when she gets this way.

We rode in silence for a few minutes before she turned back to look out in front of us.

"Sometimes...", Bella started speaking so low I almost couldn’t hear her. It’s hard to be patient sometimes. Especially for me. And right now after all the weird shit my BFF is doing as of this last week I’m wanting some answers. Bella is one of those people who you just have to wait until they are ready. If you try to push her, it will take her even longer before she will open up. Bella has one hell of a fortress when she feels she needs to protect herself. The only one who gets past her walls is her, when she is ready.

"Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if there were sun in Forks."

"What?" I spit out with a confused smile. My friend is such a weirdo.

"You know, if there was less rain and more sun?" Bella glanced at me briefly before looking back out the window.

"Why not move to where there is more sun. California is nice and they have great beaches with warm sand." If Bella was accepted to USC she would be in plenty of sun. "You would burn to a crisp of course, with that skin of yours," I giggled.

Bella sighed and shifted in her seat.

"You can’t have it both ways you know," I spoke softly and slow.

"I know." The two words hung sadly in the air. Bella turned the radio on as if to change the subject.

The rest of the drive to school was quiet. Bella didn’t say a word when we drove thru the post office and I dropped her applications in the drop box. She was out of the car and waiting for me on the sidewalk before I could blink. It was unusual for Bella to be so quick like. Whatever was bothering my friend was really getting to her. I just wish she would talk to me, I told myself for the umpteenth time.

I spotted Jasper right away. It was impossible not to. He was so tall and the curls on his head were like a flashing sign calling me to him. Not wanting to seem too eager I smiled and winked, keeping pace with Bella.

It worked out well. It only took a minute for Jasper to make his way over and catch up to us. Eyeing him up beside me I inhaled. He smelled so good the scent went straight to my panties. Jasper was taller than most of the guys at our school. Everything about him was perfect. From the curls on his head to the way his jeans hugged his firm rear; perfection.

Jasper moved to Forks two years ago. I knew there was something different about him the first time I saw him. I tried for weeks to get him to notice me and I couldn’t get so much as a blink in my direction. Our first date was amazing and he has been the perfect boyfriend. We haven’t really discussed our relationship status which was something we were going to need to do and soon. My feelings for him are stronger than I dare let on. With a skip in my step I set the pace for my two best friends and the man I adore and we made our way down the long hall to our classes.

“Whatcha thinkin about?” his voice was low and his breath ticked my ear.

Trying to ignore every raised bump on my skin I smiled even wider. My heart was racing but I was getting used to that when Jasper was around. Peaking slyly up at him keeping my lashes low I whispered back to him, “Dessert.”

Jasper cocked his head to the side and raised one eyebrow with a grin on his face so goofy I let a giggle out. Quickly looking at Rose and Bella I was happy to see they hadn’t noticed our little exchange. Bella was reading over notes and Rose was busy on her phone.

Looking back to Jasper he didn’t disappoint. “Dessert?” I wanted to reach up and kiss the corner of that crooked smile but this wasn’t the time. We needed to establish our relationship and its boundaries.

We had reached our first period classes which were right across the hall from each other. Bella and I shared homeroom and Jasper and Rose are straight across from us. I tried to ignore Jaspers hand as it brushed lightly across the fabric of my pleated skirt. I loved this skirt and had hoped it appealed to him. Careful to conceal my victory smile I stepped through the door he was holding for us.

The smell of Jasper filled my nose and I skipped a little lighter than normal to my seat. Something about him, everything about him felt right.

Morning classes flew by and soon I was seated at our table with Jasper and Rose. Bella hadn’t arrived yet, probably in the restroom I reasoned and took a big bite out of the red apple on my tray. Ten minutes in to lunch Rose and Jasper had taken to bickering over some country singer I had never heard of.

Jasper really liked his country music. I never really cared for it until Jasper took me on our first date. On the way home he sang along to the radio some tune I had never heard. Just watching him sing and bat his eyes at me sold me on country music forever.

None of this was enough to distract me from the fact that Bella was missing. Rose must have noticed I was getting fidgety although I tried not to interrupt her and Jasper’s playful banter.

It was good to see him so welcomed by Rose. She wasn’t the easiest person to get along with.
I matched Rose’s arched eyebrows with my own.


“She probably had to talk to a teacher,” Rose offered, there was no need to ask any questions, Rose was as aware as I was of our missing friend. Without waiting another minute I pulled out my sleek hot pink phone and sent Bella a text.

I still couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t right.

She was acting awfully strange this morning when she got in the car this morning. She didn’t seem to mind that we stopped at the mail box. I couldn’t help but feel like I was missing something.

“Alice?”, Jasper was sitting across from me and I blinked.

“Yeah,” I half grumbled.

“I’m sure if something happened she would call, she probably just got busy helping a teacher or something.” Rose’s words sounded more confident than she looked which only worried me more. Rose wasn’t a worrier that was my job. Bella never missed lunch without sending me a text and she rarely did that.

Realizing they were both waiting for me I smiled, “I know. I’m sure its nothing.”

Jasper brightened at the cheerful note in my voice and I instantly felt bad for deceiving him. Everything was not fine. I just had a feeling. It would do no good to worry my friends though so I let them both believe all was well. Jasper, not knowing me nearly as long as Rose, took the bait. Rose smiled and played it well but I knew she was suspicious of my sudden change of heart.

“So what are we doing this weekend?” Jasper’s soft words gave me an easy out. Thank you Jasper for giving me an out, I thought and another twang of remorse hit me. Only Bella understood my gut instincts. Rose tried but it just wasn’t tangible enough for her to ‘get it’. Rose was the friend who I absolutely loved to shop with. Rose is my shopping soul mate.

“I think we should get together at my place, we’ll get Bella and you,” I smiled big at Rose. “If you aren’t doing anything should come over with Emmett. Dad is home so maybe we can have a BBQ. Its supposed to be nice out and we really haven’t done anything outdoors in so long.” Bella didn’t seem too interested in going to Port Angeles with me this weekend. It would be easier to get her to come over to my house than to go out of town. I looked back at Jasper to see his reaction. “Is that alright?”

Grinning from ear to ear Jasper chuckled. “You win.”

“I win?” He confused me, not that it was a bad, I thought to myself with a hidden giggle.

“Yup,” his drawl went straight to my toes as usual, if he only knew what that did to me he would never let me live it down. “I was hoping,” he continued, “to make a trip to the coast or maybe up to LaPush. I was kind of hoping to take your dad up on that game of pool he promised me and you did say you would feed me…” He trailed of with a goofy grin on his face.

My insides did a double back flip. He wanted to spend time with my dad! The thrill his words sent through me I couldn’t put words to. Jasper had only met my dad briefly at the house. We were in the pool room and Jasper had told dad he admired the quality workmanship of the table and dad told him the next time he was there they would play a game. Butterflies tickled my insides and for a moment I almost forget about Bella. Almost. There were only 15 minutes left to the end of lunch and she had yet to show or text me back.

Careful not to let Rose or Jasper see I slid my phone off the table and held it under the table sending a second text.

“WHERE ARE U ?????”

Bella.

Nothing felt better than the wind in my hair, at least at this moment. There was something about being up here that made me always feel so alive, so free. I looked down the hill at the school below me. Everything about me being here is wrong yet when I am here it feels so right. I’m not hurting anything. Of course if Dad knew he would be furious. I know I’m clumsy. I think that’s what keeps me from coming here more often.

The danger of the climb when you are me is a thrill like no other. I am not afraid of heights but I am not fond of them either. I guess its all part of the experience. I sat on the cold steel scaffolding and zipped my hoodie all the way up. Its always breezy up here, my eyes scanned the branches of the surrounding trees. The water tower was less than a quarter mile up the hill from the backside of the football field. No one came here. I don’t know why, it seems a perfectly good place to find some punks hanging out with spray paint cans. There were no signs that anyone had ever been there except for the access road which was badly overgrown and barely visible through the trees.

Why?

Why now?

Is it wrong to wish she would just disappear? I bit my lip. I wasn’t ready to deal with this. I don’t know that I will ever be. What my mom is and what I wished Id had are two different things. Long ago I gave up on the idea that she might come back. I mean, just to be real with myself, its not like I didn’t wish I had a mom on more than one occasion. Now, it is different.

I wish she would just not do this. Dad doesn’t need this. He still doesn’t look well and I think about it every night when I see him come through the door so worn out. I don’t need this. I have finals to get ready for and college to figure out. I don’t have time for her bullshit.

The tears started to well up and I quickly brushed them away. My hurt quickly turned to anger.

Grabbing the railing in front of me I pulled myself up off the steel landing. Standing with both hands securely on the railing I leaned forward and let the find hit full in my face. I stood there for a few minutes just breathing with my face tipped up and my eyes closed. The air is always so sweet and crisp here: exhilarating. Pushing myself back from the railing I slowly cracked my eyes and peeked through my lashes.

With a quick intake of breath I sat down again carefully. I really shouldn’t be up here but some things just feel right. Like the wind in my face. Maybe sometimes I just need to cross the line. There is a stigma that goes with being a cop’s kid. Breaking the rules isn’t something I do a lot; this definitely crossed the line, like climbing through a hole in a chain link fence that’s posted all over with no trespassing signs. A laugh escaped me. Dad would kill me; I shook my head at myself.

Tipping my head back against the cold cylinder behind me I closed my eyes. Sometimes the best way to figure things out is to think about nothing at all. I cleared my mind, several times, and eventually found a place of peace. The wind whispered and whistled gently in the trees around me. I felt completely alone but as close to on top of the world as I have ever been. It was serene.

Not comfortable though, I shifted my weight on the cold steel and cleared my head again. Before I graduate I want to bring a camera up here. If I end up leaving Forks Id like to have a picture from up here.

Grudgingly pulling out my phone, turned the power on and checked the time.

“Shit!” I swore out loud. I completely lost track of time. Taking a second look at the display I pulled myself to my feet again. Damnit. Lunch is already over, and according to my phone I’ve missed two texts from Alice. Groaning I pocketed the phone and moved to the ladder.

Don’t look down, I reminded myself and I held my breath as I felt for the top rung with my foot.
This part was always worse than going up. With an iron grip I worked my way backward down the ladder. Reaching the bottom I let out a sigh as the familiar weight settled back around my shoulders.

Pulling my phone back out I sent Alice a short text telling her I was fine with no explanation. At least with her being in class I wouldn’t have to explain why I didn’t answer her texts. I’d tell her I went for a walk, it was the truth, I decided.

I looked back up at the tower high over my head. The peace I found a few minutes ago way up there seemed so far away now. All I wanted to do was climb back up there but I had to get going. I just wanted to get away. I needed more time to think.

Sending another text to Leah I leaned against the ladder and stared out in to the woods. It didn’t take her long to answer me back. She would meet me at the corner in 30 minutes.

I skirted around the football clearing keeping to the tree line and went to wait for her. I would text Alice in a bit so she wouldn’t worry about me getting home. I needed to get out of here and go where I can’t be found. I would be safe at Leah’s. She texted me twice this last week wanting me to visit. She knew I didn’t want to be around Jacob so it was no surprise when she told me he was gone on a camping trip with a few of his friends.

My butt was almost asleep when Leah pulled up to where I sat on the side of the road waiting. It seemed like it took her forever to get there. I jumped up stiffly and climbed in her car anxiously. Skipping out on school was another thing that Dad didn’t approve of. Most of the time, I was with Alice and she always got me off the hook with Dad. Today I just didn’t care; I would deal with him later.

Edward.

I smelled the foul odor on the wind before I heard the car. A low growl sat in my throat. The branch I had wrapped my hand around started to creak and I loosened my grip. I had hoped they weren’t going back to the land of the dogs but it was useless. Following them as far as I could I found a nice spot in a fir not too far from the road that led up the mountain. Soon the scent of my sweet Bella was completely lost in the stench of the mutts.

I sat with my eyes fixed on the road in the distance. I would wait for her to come back. I would see her safe home, as I did every time I followed her here.