CH 5: Choose

~PRESENT~


Bella.


Rose wasn't at school today. She wasn't answering her phone either. We tried to call the house phone to see if we could at least get an update from her Aunt but no one answered. Alice was aggravated and had snapped at me several times already and my fuse was getting shorter as the day progressed.

I wasn't mad at Alice. I was mad at everything. A few days ago my life was fine. Everything was fine. Someone once told me 'fine' was a safe word. That it didn't truly express a feeling. I call bullshit.

I don't want to be extraordinary or outstanding. When you are on top of the world is when you are vulnerable to falling the farthest distance when your feet are kicked out from underneath you. Life is hard enough when everything is fine. I couldn't imagine coping with extremes.

I liked my life the way it was. Quiet. Safe. Fine.

My life was fine until yesterday.

By lunch, I was ready to go home. Alice was in about as bad a mood as I had ever seen her and to be honest it just wasn't the same without Rose around. I really didn't want to go to Alice's this weekend but I had already promised her. Rose was missing in action and Alice already felt guilty about leaving me alone while she went on a date. Canceling the weekend with Alice was not an option.

From the time I entered the lunch room I could hear the hushed whispers. Of course, no one had any idea what had happened yesterday. Rose had made one hell of an exit when Emmett busted in hell bent on getting to Rose. Not that Alice and I would have let him. Alice was a kind and loving person but if you mess with someone she loves it gets different. That girl would not hesitate to rip someone's throat out if the situation called for it. I glared at those who dared to gawk but for the most part we were left alone.

Not having had the time to throw my things together for the next couple of days, I told a disappointed Alice she would have to drop me at my house. She offered to help but I really needed a few minutes to collect my thoughts. I wasn't trying to hurt her feelings but I really needed a shower and a few minutes to myself before I jumped into whatever girly activities Alice had planned. Then again, not knowing what was going on with Rose who knows what we would end up doing this weekend.

It didn't take long to pack. I grabbed my laptop and Ipod, a few things from the bathroom and a couple changes of clothes. Alice would usually make me wear her clothes when I stayed over, something I never looked forward to. I was kind of hoping that wouldn't change because Rose was off dealing with her problems. I'm sure playing dress up with me would be a welcome distraction for Alice. Apparently Rose didn't need us. She hadn't bothered to contact us and let us know she was okay. I started to get angry. I was anxious and it was wearing on me. I felt like crap and if Alice hadn't been waiting a nap would have been nice.

My old truck started on the third try. It moaned and shuddered before roaring to life. The engine was loud and the radio didn't work. The paint was chipped and the rear fender was dented. It came that way. Pulling out of the drive I sent a text to Alice telling her I'd be there in about an hour and I headed in the opposite direction.

My dad bought this truck for me when I got my license. When we came home from the Driver's License office it was parked in the driveway. He pulled his blazer with the big sheriff logo down the side right up next to the old beast. He turned to me and handed me the keys saying simply, 'I'm proud of you, kiddo.'

I smiled fondly at the memory, and that is why I love my truck so much. My dad wasn't the kind of dad who said 'I love you.' He wasn't affectionate like that. We didn't even hug. He changed after mom left us.

Dad made an honest living and he provided everything we needed to be comfortable. I didn't drive a new car. I don't buy fancy clothes and expensive crap. We had a small house but it was comfortable in a homey sort of way. It was ours, bought and paid for. I was born in Forks. It was the only home I'd ever had. Dad loved me, I know he did. It's how things are between us.

After mom left us five years ago, dad and I found new ways of doing things. There wasn't any fighting anymore. The house was quiet unless there was a game on television. I'm finishing my senior year of high school and he hasn't bothered me about getting a job or college. I don't know what that means. Maybe he wants me to stay on; maybe he thinks I will just handle it like I do with the groceries and shopping or reminding him when the utility bills were due.

I was 13 and sitting in the dark for the third time that year and I was furious. Dad forgot to pay the electric bill again. I stomped downstairs and over to the arm chair, directly in front of my dad who was reclined back and snoring away. In my sternest voice I bellowed, 'Dad, you forgot to pay the bill again!" I made sure my feet hit the floor with a loud thud every step I took crossing the room to his desk. I glanced back across the dark room to see him staring at me with bulging eyes. Pushing aside a few loose papers, I found what I was looking for. Snatching up the bill I pulled out the phone dad got me for my last birthday and started punching buttons. I set an alert by the due date on the bill. It was five weeks ago. I didn't see one of those courtesy late notices with shut off dates in the pile, he must have lost it. "Fix this in the morning." I thrust the bill down in his lap. The look of shock on his face was priceless.

I was so proud of myself. From then on, as the bills came in, I would open them, set an alert for the due date on my phone and leave the bill neatly on his catastrophe of a desk. I don't do it that way any more but we haven't had an incident since.

Driving onto the reservation, I headed straight for Leah's house. I had sent her a text earlier that I needed to stop by and she sent me a smiley face back. Normally, I would hang out for a while. I really liked Leah but I had to get to Alice's.

I spotted Sam right away as I pulled up. Sam was Leah's cousin and he lived next door. Most everyone up here on the reservation was related in some way. Jumping over the railing on the porch he landed neatly on all fours, his hand gingerly touching the ground in front of him before he came to a standing position. Sam had a nice body and I couldn't help but linger on his bronze skin. He practically glowed in the full sun. Most of the guys on the reservation were usually shirtless and barefoot. Not to mention they were all well built. Up here there was definitely more to the view than just the trees.

The wind picked up as I stepped out of the truck. I couldn't feel it but I could hear it making the top branches brush together. I caught a chill and my skin bristled. I almost felt like someone was watching me but Sam had left and there was no one around. I heard the wind whisper through the tree tops again and I shook my head laughing at myself. Id had this feeling a lot over the last five years and at first I thought it was him but I knew it wasn't. I had gotten the same feeling when I was visiting my mom in Florida so I knew it was just me and I was good at brushing the creepy feeling off.

"Hey Bella, come in!" Leah appeared on the porch smiling at me. I shut the truck door and headed inside. I followed her through the house and out the back door where she was working. Leah had the most amazing garden back here. Usually, I would come and spend the day with her but she knew I had no time this afternoon. She replenished my stash, hugged me and made me promise to come back soon.

It was after five when I pulled out of Leah's. Before I hit the main road I sent a quick text to Alice telling her I'd be there in about 30 minutes. She responded right away with a 'HURRY UP' all in caps with a gazillion exclamation pints. I tossed the phone in the seat next to me.

THU..THUMP! I jumped, my heart shoved into my ribcage and I slammed on the brakes. The heavy truck skidded to a stop on the soft dirt road.

I looked in my rear view mirror and saw a pair of dark brown eyes staring back at me. Jacob. I went rigid. This was the one thing that made coming here not worth it. The days Jacob would see me. The days he would stop me and try to talk to me.

I don't know what to think of Jacob any more. I used to think I knew him. When my mom left it changed everybody and I hated her for it. He used to be my best friend and she even ruined that. I don't know when exactly things changed between us.
I guess when we first got back from Canada, minus my mom. I was pretty distracted with getting my life on track. And, dad's too.

It wasn't until a couple of years ago that I finally pushed Jacob away. He had been smothering me with the over protective bullshit for a while and the longer it went on the worse he got. He was getting aggressive and it was too much for me. The final straw came when he punched Mike, my date for the county fair. Jacob hadn't said a word, he just walked up to us at the dance and knocked him to the ground then walked away while I stood there in shock.

The next day I called him he had to stop. I wanted him to back off. I needed space and he was choking me.

Jacob didn't take it well. I stopped taking his calls but he didn't give up. My dad had to talk to his dad Billy about it. When I wouldn't return his calls he came on stronger. Jacob had taken to stopping by the house without warning to hang out with dad. I would hide upstairs the entire time he was there. It didn't take dad too long to see what was going on. I didn't know how to talk to dad about it but I was glad when he did figure it out. I was tired of feeling like a prisoner. As long as Jacob was downstairs, I was a prisoner upstairs. After dad went to Billy I didn't see Jacob around anymore. Well, for at least a year.

We started talking again at a party down at La Push. It was the best spot on the beach for miles and it was on reservation land so it was a safe spot to have high school underage drinking parties. Alice and Rose had dragged me out there more than once for bonfires and keg parties. When Jacob first approached me I was with a group of friends and it seemed safe. We exchanged hello's and that was pretty much it. Later that night he offered me a drink and I turned him down and I didn't see him again after that.

Occasionally, our paths would cross in town. It was inevitable with Forks being the small town that it was. But those incidents were far and few between. Most Quiluetes didn't leave the reservation. We had managed briefs exchanges in town but this was the fourth time he had stopped me while driving down the road leaving Leah's and it was pissing me off.

Jacob jumped from the truck bed and landed outside my truck door. He smiled at me but I wasn't buying it. This nice guy routine was old with me. There was something brewing in Jacob Black and it scared me. The way he changed in the last few years was astounding.

The three times he had stopped me raced through my mind. Unlike town, I was in his territory here and that gave him the psychological advantage. I was on his land, his people's land. The first time I was pretty rattled from him jumping out in front of my truck. I guess he knew I wouldn't stop if he stayed on the side of the road. But that wasn't the worst of it. Jacob had invited me to come up for a bonfire that weekend.

From any one else that wouldn't have bothered me, but from him it sent up all kinds of mental red flags. Of course I lied and told him I already had plans to get out of it.
The second time he wanted me to come to dinner at his parent's house.

The third and last time I was here he was drunk and with a couple of friends. After pounding the bed of my truck causing me to come to yet another sliding halt he looked at me with this odd look that I couldn't place. He turned to his friends who were literally howling with laughter and they all ran off together in to the woods. He didn't say a word to me that time.

He knew I came here to see Leah. It would have been impossible not to, Leah and I hung out quite a bit really. She was funny and smart and just plain good company. Some days I would help her in the garden others we would wander in the woods enjoying ourselves. I'm pretty sure he knew I was getting pot from her too but as we didn't talk much, it never came up.

"What the fuck Jacob, you cant keep doing that you scared the shit out of me!" I half hollered at him through the open window.

He grinned at me reminding me of 'the cat who swallowed the canary.' Jacob had physically grown quite a bit these last few years. His skin was a warm brown and looked so creamy you almost wanted to reach out and pet his nearly always naked, well built chest. He never had on shoes and was usually wearing a low riding pair of cut off jeans that exposed his long torso and heavily muscled legs. There was nothing about him that wasn't nice to look at, except maybe his eyes.

"Aww c'mon baby, I'm just playing with ya. It's all in fun."

I looked in his eyes and knew I had called it right. The mischievous boyish grin was still plastered on his face but his eyes were hard. I shivered.

"It's not funny," I muttered looking away to stare out the windshield of the truck.
Jacob had matured physically and part of me hoped deep down that somehow that translated to his brain too. He seemed more mature than when he was following me everywhere like a love sick puppy. But, these little stunts he pulled stopping me like this spoke to the contrary.

"You didn't stay at Leah's very long," he stated. I could feel him staring at me."What's your hurry?"

Still looking forward I stiffened. He had been watching me. If skin could really crawl mine would have been half way across the country. He didn't approach me at Leah's either. No, he waited for me to be on this lonely stretch of road heading out of the res. There were no houses or people here. I shivered again. This had to stop.

"My plans are none of your business," I snapped at him. I turned to give him the most convincing look I could.

"You know you don't mean that, Bells," his eyes crinkled in the corners. "You know you are welcome here. What is mine, is yours. I'm just sad to see you go every time you leave."

Anger surged through me. How dare he insinuate that somehow by visiting with Leah was something he shared with me! "I come here to see Leah not you. This land is as much hers as it is yours." I spat back looking down at my lap.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jacobs large fists pummel into the door of my truck. "Damnit Bella, what the fuck is your problem?" Jacob swore angrily at me. I shrank back at the sound of his booming voice. He had a deep loud tone to begin with and amplified it was really loud. If it weren't for the density of the trees lining the road I'm sure someone would have heard him.

Not even caring if he had damaged my door I reached for the keys hanging from my ignition. I never should have shut the truck off, I silently chewed my own ass.

"Fuck you Jacob, I have to go," I hissed at him. Damn my shaking hands all to hell, I turned the key in the ignition cursing myself. The engine turned over a few times and then nothing. I definitely needed Rose to look at the truck again. Before I could cycle the key again my truck door was flung open.

"What are you-" I was cut off when Jacob's mouth covered mine. He fisted the back of my hair and forced me closer to him. He was wet and drooling all over the bottom of my face. It was gross and he reeked of sweat. I pushed on his chest and he laughed in my mouth shoving his tongue deeper. Fighting him was useless; he was four times my size.

Still smothering my face with his, his hand forcing my head still in front of him he moaned. 'Enough,' every fiber of my being was screaming. Angry, scared and hurt I did the only thing I could think to do. I bit him, specifically, his tongue. If I could have gotten a shot at his balls I would gladly have taken it but in the position I was in now, I was trapped and had very little to go on.

I tasted blood as soon as I clamped down with my teeth. It was hot and sticky and bitter. I could smell it in my nose. It was the grossest thing I could remember having been in my mouth ever.

Shocked, Jacob jumped back screaming, "YOU FUCKING CUNT!" The wind had picked up and I heard the familiar whispers as the tops of the trees began to sway in the breeze. Wiping the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand Jacob stood staring at me in shock. Something must have caught his attention because for a flash second he glanced over his shoulder. All I could see was the fury radiating from his body. His features seemed to be blurring together. I had to get out of here.

I quickly turned the key over again and the truck roared to life. From the side, I saw Jacob raising his hand and I thought he was going to try to grab me again. I slammed my foot on the gas wishing for the first time I drove something with a bit more power.

Before the truck could register I was giving it gas my door slammed shut with such force the whole cab rocked. I started to turn my head to see where my attacker was but before I could locate him a wet gooey substance splattered my face.

The truck decided it was time to respond and it launched forward.

"YOU CANT HIDE. YOU WILL BE MINE BELLA," the threatening words came from somewhere behind me in the cloud of dust that was rising beyond my tailgate. I gripped the wheel with both hands and drove faster than I have ever driven in my life. When the dirt road turned to paved I knew I was almost off reservation land. I looked down. Blood. That bastard spit his blood on me!

By the time I reached the main road my nerves had gone into sensory overload. I think I was driving alright but all I could see was what was in front of me. Everything to the sides faded out. Just drive Bella, I told myself.

My phone lit up in the seat next to me. Alice. I reached over grabbing the phone and fumbling with the buttons I ended the call. Shit. Looking down to hit speed dial I felt the truck catch something in the road. FUCK! I had strayed outside the white line and had one tire on the dirt. I swerved the old red beast back up on the pavement. I wasn't one to swear much but today just wasn't my day.

"SON OF A BITCH," I screamed out loud. Yanking the truck off the side of the road and throwing it in park I pounded my fist into the steering wheel. I wished it had been Jacob's face. I left the truck running this time and grabbed for my phone which had been tossed to the floor board in my near accident.

With shaking hands I managed to get the phone to dial Alice's number.

"Bella where arrrrrre you?" the tiny pixie whined in my ear.

"Ali-" was the only thing I managed to say before I burst into tears.

"Bella? Are you okay? Are you hurt? Bella answer me!" she was screaming panicked into the phone.

But I couldn't answer her. I could barely mumble almost inaudibly "uh huh" into the little speaker in between the sobs racking my body.

"Bella where are you?" her voice had softened but was laced with warranted concern.

I'm.. I'm on my way there. About 20 minutes," I managed to gasp out.

"I'm going to stay on the phone till you get here," Alice said decisively. Alice was smart. I was barely breathing and still bawling. There was no way I could possibly have a conversation.

I put the truck in drive and slowly pulled up on the road. I was in no shape to drive but I didn't care. Alice stayed on the phone but didn't say much. Every so often she would say something like 'Everything is going to be okay honey' and 'Just breathe Bella.' I felt better knowing she was there even though words were lost to me. It was good to have someone remind me to breathe too. Tears fell so rapidly I had to keep wiping my face to see the road.

The sobs had subsided and I was reduced to the silent tears that streaked my face. I knew Alice was still on the phone and I let her be. If I had hung up she would have been panicked until I arrived safely. With Rose missing the last thing Alice needed was to be pacing the house imagining my truck wrapped around a tree or me face down in a ditch somewhere. I shuddered.

Alice was in front of the house when I pulled in. She ran to my door throwing it open. "Oh my god, Bella!" she exclaimed. "You said you weren't hurt." I looked down and I had bits of blood everywhere. I had forgotten about the blood that Jacob had spat in my face and in the process of wiping the tears from my face I had successfully smeared blood every where.

"It's not mine, its Jacob's," I managed to croak out.

Alice was already dragging me through the house and towards the downstairs bathroom when she stopped on hearing my words. Her eyes bugged out of her head and her mouth formed a perfect 'O' and she looked at me in shock. Pixies are curious little things. They love to sing and dance and play all day. They are fun and witty and clever. But when you make a pixie angry all those loving characteristics disappear and what you are left with is what now stood before me.

"That mother fucker!' she stomped her foot. "What did he do to you? I am going to hurt him. I will find someone to hurt him." The scary thing about pissing Alice off is she doesn't say things she doesn't believe or mean and once you have pissed her off there is no turning back. She looked at me expectantly and I did the only thing I could, I burst into a fresh round of tears.

Alice must have put her anger for Jacob on a shelf for the time being and spent the next hour getting me out of the blood stained clothes, showered and into some comfortable sweats that she 'happened' to have around that were a size too big for her. We tossed the tainted clothing in the trash. Alice had retrieved my over night bag from the truck while I was letting the hot water scorch my skin. I brushed my teeth three times before I decided it wasn't dong anything to erase the memory of that dog shoving his grotesquely wet tongue down my throat. I let her brush my hair and we settled on her fluffy white comforter adorning her king sized bed.

I knew I had to tell Alice what happened with Jacob. First Rose freaks out on us and now this. All in all, for being such a bad last couple of days, Alice was holding together very well. She may be small but she is tough.

After staring at the ceiling in silence for about ten minutes, Alice hit her breaking point. Silence really wasn't her 'thing'. "Alright Bella, spill," she ordered softly.

Taking a deep breath, I told her about going to see Leah. I know she didn't approve of me going up to the Res alone. Sometimes Alice would ride along, Leah always enjoyed the company.

When I got to the part where Jacob had appeared out of nowhere to land in the back of my moving truck, Alice stiffened. I bit my lip. This was the hard part. No one really understood my relationship with Jacob. They got the part where we used to be friends as kids but once he became so possessive our parents had to get involved no one could understand why I never said anything bad about him. I wasn't comfortable when other spoke badly of him either. I guess some part of me deep down held out hope that someday he would snap out of it and go back to being the person I knew he was capable of being. That was before today.

I felt tears slide down my cheeks as I repeated the exchange 'Fuck you, Jacob,' my own words echoed in my ears. When I got to the part when he had grabbed me and forced me to swallow his slobber I choked up. Alice moved closer to sit beside me and wrapped her small arms around my shoulders.

"Shhhh, its okay sweetheart," she crooned, stroking my hair lightly.
I looked at my friend, concern etched her face. "He didn't do anything but kiss me," I blurted out. I needed to give her that. She didn't need to be speculating that it was any worse than it actually was. The relief that flooded Alice's face almost made me smile.
"But, the blood?" she questioned.
"His," I couldn't help a half giggle from escaping when I thought about what I had done.
Alice jumped up with a bounce exclaiming, "Wait! I know what we need. Be right back." And she darted out of the room. Pixies, I swear. I shook my head.

Standing, I walked to the full length mirror hanging on Alice's wall. She had several large mirrors in her room this was just the closest one. My eyes were puffy and swollen and my nose was red. My still damp hair clung to my shoulders and gently around my neck. My lips were a little more red and plump than usual from the abuse they had endured a short time ago.

I grabbed a hair tie of the dresser and pulled my long hair back in a messy knot on top my head. My fingers brushed the scar on my neck. It was barely visible against my white skin and no one even knew it was there without close inspection. The only evidence I couldn't destroy of the worst day of my life I would wear forever.

Taking a deep breath I looked into my own eyes. They were plain brown and boring. Flat and empty. I looked away. I didn't like to look at myself like that and I don't know what possessed me to do it now.

Bursting through the bedroom door Alice held a bottle of liquor of some sort and a couple of shot glasses clinked in her hand. I usually didn't care much for alcohol, especially the hard stuff. Beer was nasty to taste but it sure went down a whole lot easier. But, after the ordeal I had just had I think Alice was on to something tonight.

Smiling, I crossed the room to the desk where she was filling the shot glasses.
"I didn't bother with the extras," she looked at me apologetically. "I just thought maybe a little something to take the edge off would be nice," she smiled sweetly and handed me my dose.

Patrone, the bottle read. Flipping my head back I let the liquid burn fire down my throat. Any trace of that slobbering mutt that my toothbrush couldn't reach was erased as the clear liquid scorched my throat and heated my insides.

Alice downed hers and gave us both a refill. I quickly emptied my glass a second time feeling the heat rushing my cheeks and numbing in my stomach. An image of Jacob, bleeding from his mouth looking at me in complete shock flashed through my head. I laughed, half choking myself.

Still recovering from choking on the liquid fire, I turned to Alice and I said clearly, "I bit his tongue."

Alice was mid drink with her head turned back and the glass half way emptied into her mouth. She sputtered and lurched forward spraying tequila everywhere.

"Wha… WHAT?", Alice squealed in between coughs. I was laughing uncontrollably at this point holding my stomach and half bent over. I had tears rolling down my face again and I couldn't discern whether they were tears of laughter or tears of pain, maybe a bit of both.

I went to the bathroom and grabbed a couple of towels and came out to help Alice clean up the mess she had exhaled all over the desk and the floor. Alice had poured us another round and that went down much easier than the first two. Putting the glasses up for a bit we resumed our place on the fluffy bed and its hundred throw pillows Alice seemed obsessed with.

The liquor had been a good idea. I had enough that I was relaxed but not so much I was drunk. I was able to explain the rest of the encounter without bawling my eyes out. In fact I found myself laughing at times as I described what Jacob had looked like standing there looking at me like I had two heads.

I didn't tell Alice about running off the road but I did make a decision that if I had to be on the phone I wouldn't attempt to dial while driving.

The alcohol was in full effect and Alice decided we would revisit the matter of Jacob later. The fact that I couldn't quit giggling was probably a good indication that I wasn't in the right frame of mind to deal with it now.

Alice spent the next hour painting my nails, both fingers and toes and talking about Jasper. I loved Alice like a sister. We were not so much a like as we just worked well toegher. There were no females in my life I was as close to as Alice.

We fell asleep watching some late night comedy. We had revisited the bottle of tequila a few times and I'm not exactly sure what we watched but the television was on and it made me laugh. This much I remember.


Alice.


It had been an extremely stressful night. First Rosie and now Bella. That dirty son of a bitch up on the res was going to get it. I am patient and will bide my time. Someday the opportunity would present itself and I would be there. I could feel it.
Falling asleep had been the easy part.

Dealing with the dreams that ensued was a whole other matter entirely.

Standing atop a tall mountain, I was alone except for a single podium that had been placed in front of me. There was no one else here, just me. I looked to the mountain to my right and it was spewing lava and clouds of gas and ash.

The mountain to my left was encased in ice, as if a huge glacier had consumed the great landmass and was storing it, frozen for eternity. Even the wildflowers that graced the sides of the mountain were frozen, preserved as fresh as the day they first bloomed.

I looked back to my right and the red hot volcano had changed. It was no longer sputtering violently. It had cooled and formed the most unique formations, from the gaping hole on top to the lowest points that rose mysteriously from the swirling fog below. What before was flowing lava fields had turned to rivers of rushing water.
When I looked back to the podium before me I noticed a paper that had not been there before. Stepping closer I picked up the paper and turned it over.

'Choose.' That was all it said.

I woke tangled in my sheets and soaked with sweat. Climbing carefully out of bed so not to disturb Bella, I slipped into the bathroom to shower the sticky off. I'm glad Bella slept so heavily. She didn't know I had dreams. I was afraid when she first started staying over that she might find out but she has never mentioned it. Sometimes she was restless but she had never woken that I knew of.

I closed my eyes and leaned against the shower wall.

Choose what?

I sighed and finishing up I slipped into a pair of sweats similar to the ones I had given Bella. Sometimes I totally understood why she chose comfort over fashion. But what choice was I supposed to be making? What is it the sandman is trying to tell me?

I stared out my window into the darkness drifting to sleep on the loveseat in my room.


_____


AN:

This chapter came out longer than I had intended. In fact I had planned on bringing Rose back but I couldn't seem to fit everything in without cutting details. I like my details. Rose will be back next chapter I promise.
For those who are partial to Jake: I told you I was Team Edward ~smile~
I love the reviews. Thank you all so much.

Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer ~