Ch 8: God Damned Ballerina

Bella.

I listened to the rain hammering down on the roof. It was Monday afternoon and I had just finished making a batch of cookies. Dad phoned and said there had been an accident and he would be late so I thought I would be nice and whip him up his favorite old-fashioned oatmeal cookies.

Since my trip to Emmett’s, Rose had come over to Alice’s the next day. Rose and Alice made up and even though a lot of questions still hung in the air, things were finally getting back to normal.

I jumped when I heard the front door swing shut downstairs. Dad must be home, I thought, looking at the clock. As if on queue dad hollered up the stairs, “Bells, I’m home.” I loved this book, it was my second time reading it but it was so good. Sighing, I marked my page and headed downstairs.

“Hey dad,” I smiled at him walking into the living room. “I made cookies.”

Dad grinned at me. He loves cookies. He always gets this goofy look on his face while eating them, too. I liked when I could see the boyish side of my dad, it distracted me from how old and tired he had been looking lately.

“I’m going to change,” dad mumbled and went to his room. After all the crap that happened last week, I was happy to have no bigger problems than the mud dad was tracking across the floors. Smiling, I grabbed a towel from the bathroom and pushed it along the trail of muck that led to my dad’s bedroom door. I’m glad we had wood floors. Carpets hold too much dirt, especially out here in Forks.

I reheated dad’s dinner, set it on the table and made a fresh pot of coffee.

“Looks good, Bells,” he said coming into the kitchen to sit at the small table. I busied myself with the dishes in the sink and wiping down the counters. When dad was finished, I cleared the dishes from the table and he moved to the couch.

I brought dad his usual cup of coffee and set a plate of cookies on the end table next to his recliner. Sitting on the couch, I watched him gobble down a few of the fresh baked treats while catching a late showing of the news.

“These are better than the last ones, honey,” he said without averting his eyes from the screen.

“Thanks, I’m glad they turned out.’ We sat comfortably in silence. There wasn’t much exciting on the news. Things rarely happened around these parts. There was traffic congestion earlier in Port Angeles and some new strip mall was trying to talk the city into a deal on property. There was mention a special segment on the Ladies Rotary Club and some garden they were working on at the Senior Center and mention of an upcoming festival in Kalaloch.

I’m sure Alice would drag me over to the coast for the event. She really liked things like that. At least it was innocent. Alice had a knack for bending the law and she never got caught. Last year, she had gotten her hands on fake IDs for the three of us. Dad would lock me up and throw away the key if he knew some of the places she dragged me and Rose to.

As much as Alice was a fun-loving pixie, she also had a side to her that reminded me of a naughty sprite. Alice instigated a lot of my ‘firsts’, my first alcohol, the first time I skipped school, first joint I ever smoked, the list went on. Even my first orgasm was because of Alice. She had shown me her vibrator she got a few years ago. She had just bought it and was showing it off to Rose and me Later that night, I was wondering why I didn’t feel anything down there so after I took a shower I laid on my bed and started exploring. The sensations I had experienced from my own clumsy fingers changed me forever. I never told her about that, I glanced at my dad and felt my face starting to heat.

Deciding I had spent enough time watching my dad spread crumbs all over his chair for me to vacuum up later, I stood to go upstairs. Grabbing his coffee cup I brought him a refill before turning to leave.

Dad cleared his throat before I could exit the room. “Hey Bells?” he said, his eyes fluttering to mine briefly when I half turned.

“Yeah?” I watched as dad hit the worn mute button on the remote.

“I know you go to school with that Crowley boy,” he was back to staring at the TV. “You should know he was the one in the accident tonight. How well do you know him?” This time he had turned his head to look directly at me.

“I know him but we aren’t friends or anything. We say hi to each other that’s about it.” Why did he want to know if I knew Tyler? I wondered. “He changed Alice’s tire last year when she had a flat at school,” I added. I felt like I was in trouble the way dad was staring me down, watching my reaction. I hadn’t lied. I really didn’t know him that well except for a few friendly exchanges in the hallways.

“Is he alright?” I asked dad. I didn’t know the guy well but I hoped he wasn’t hurt badly.

“He is fine,” dad grunted. “I want you to stay away from him, Isabella, that goes for Rose and Alice too,” he added.

Now he definitely had my attention. When dad called me by my full name it was his way of telling me he was serious. No one had raised their voice in this house since mom left unless it was to speak over the TV that was usually blaring. I nodded and told him I would let them know and tromped up the stairs to my room.

Grabbing my phone, I called Alice and Rose and filled them in on what my dad had said downstairs. Three-way calling can be a pain in the ass but it also comes in handy when you have two best friends and you don’t want to have to repeat yourself. Of course, they both hit me with questions I couldn’t answer, I only knew what dad told me, which wasn’t much. Agreeing we would find out more in the morning at school, I skipped out on the conversation saying I needed to finish up some homework.

It wasn’t entirely a lie. I had some notes to organize and it was past time to clean out my book bag so that’s what I did. I’d just gotten out of the shower and was sitting on the toilet going pee when I heard my phone chirp with a text message. Finishing up in the bathroom I grabbed my phone and quickly scrolled to my inbox. Alice decided she wanted to have a party this upcoming weekend. Walking back to the bathroom I typed ‘cool’ and sent a reply while brushing my teeth.

Alice’s parties were always different. Sometimes they had a theme and always involved drinking games. Her choice of music would change, sometimes country sometimes rock, sometimes pop. I shook my head. She always dressed the part, too. I had decided long ago, Alice is not suffering from an identity crisis, she embraces her multiple personalities.

I sighed; I guess I would find out what kind of scheme she had cooked up with Rose in the morning. I snuggled in to my purple and green patchwork comforter. There is nothing like the feel of your own shower and your own bed. Shutting the lamp off on the night stand, I smiled at myself in the dark. Things were back to the way I liked them. Normal.

Little did I know how close to the brink of chaos I was. Closing my eyes I drifted contentedly into the darkness that awaited me.

~*~

Waking the next morning, I groaned. I had beaten my alarm to the punch again. I could hear dad moving around downstairs. Glancing back at my clock I knew he would be leaving the house soon. I groggily shuffled to my desk and flipped my laptop on to boot. I pulled out a couple of manila envelopes I had stashed in the bottom drawer of my desk.

Even though dad wasn’t pushing me, I knew I needed to face the fact I had a future to plan. High school doesn’t last forever and my days as a senior at Forks High were numbered. I had sent off for information packets and applications to a few colleges that were somewhat close by.

There was a university in Seattle that looked nice in the pictures. When I got to the sheet that had the tuition fees I slid the contents back in the manila envelope from which it came and dropped the whole thing in my wastebasket.

I wanted nothing more than to forget the whole thing but I had been putting it off long enough. I needed a plan after graduation. I thought about getting a job and forgetting about college altogether but I really didn’t see myself working as a check out girl at the grocery store for the rest of my life.

Surprisingly, coffee sounded good. I listened for dad and glancing at my clock I decided he had left for work already. Grabbing a cup of hot caffeine from the kitchen, I returned to my desk. Next, I opened the packet from the community college in Port Angeles. It didn’t have all the frills the university did but it looked much more do-able, I read over the tuition page carefully.

There was an extension campus in Forks but not all courses were offered there. Out past the Sheriff’s Department, there were four portable buildings, identical tan siding with brown trim. This is where they offered a handful of classes a week. It was pretty shabby but it would save me having to make that long drive twice a week if I worked out my schedule right. I also noted the online classes that were offered. Technology is awesome, it’s a shame I can’t take all my classes at home. I thought about a commercial I had seen on tv where the girl in her pajama outfit is all wound up about being able to lay in bed all day with her laptop and get college credit. I groaned. That is so not me, I thought.

That brought me to another problem. I was going to have to find a car. My old truck was faithful and had not left me stranded yet but driving it to Port Angeles daily was out of the question. Not to mention the horrible gas mileage complication, getting something economical was going to be a must.

I sighed loudly, tuition and a vehicle. I knew dad didn’t have anything put up. The last time mom had called in crisis dad had wired her the last of the savings. I know dad still loved her but I was sick of it already. I was furious when he told me what he had done and I didn’t speak to him for a week.

Every year it seems, the phone will ring and it’s her in some dramatic crisis. She never had a job because she was busy jumping from one bad relationship to another. This last time she was in a shelter for abused women and she asked dad to help her make a new start, meaning she wanted him to send her money. Dad, being that he never got over mom, has given in time and time again.

I haven’t talked to her in years. After she left, we spoke a few times by phone. She was always in a hurry and couldn’t talk for more than a few minutes. The last time she and I spoke I was pretty harsh with her. I don’t feel bad about it. Jacob, before dad got rid of him, was sitting downstairs watching Sunday football. I was finishing up dishes when the phone rang in the kitchen. In my haste to dry the soapy water off my hands, I didn’t check the caller ID before answering.

“Hello sweetie, How are you?” her voice purred through the phone.

“Fine mom,” I could’ve cared less how she was doing and didn’t ask.

“Oh honey, you sound so big,” she was laying it on thick. I rolled my eyes.

“Well, you wouldn’t know,” was my dry response. I hated this syrupy routine: she should have been a soap star.

“Aw, what’s wrong, Bells?” she whined, as if she didn’t know.

“Do you want to talk to dad?” I ask her impatiently. I finished the dishes and wanted to escape upstairs and away from Jacob.

“Now, is that any way to talk to your mother?” she tried to sound serious but I could tell she was smiling. She really needed to lay off the happy pills. “I’m gong to have to speak to your father about the way you have been talking to me lately,’ she giggled.

“Seriously, mom? You call once every six months and you are worried about how I talk to you?” I tried to keep my voice down. It would do no good to bring dad in to this. “Newsflash, we don’t talk.”

“Isabella!” I cringed when she said my name. I knew from her tone the smile was gone. She may have birthed me but I had no respect for her. I swallowed the words I really wanted to say, for dad’s sake, not hers. “I think you need to show me more respect.” She giggled again. This time I heard a muffled male voice through the phone. It suddenly became obvious she had a man with her making her giggle which is why she couldn’t properly chew me out.

I had had it. All the nights of laying in bed wondering where my mother was, wondering why she didn’t love me enough to stay or take me with her, wondering what my life would be like if I had a real mom to love me. It hit me at that moment. I was done. I was done wondering and I was done talking to her.

“You disgust me,” I hissed into the phone. “I will never be like you. You can’t make me respect you. You’ve never done anything to earn my respect. You don’t even respect yourself.” At some point I had raised my voice and dad and Jacob were both looking at me. I knew I only had moments before dad would intervene and I wouldn’t be able to get out what I needed to say.

“You left us. You left me. And you cant even call me without your boyfriend doing who knows what to you while you are on the phone with your DAUGHTER,” emphasizing ‘daughter’ I was almost shouting in to the phone now. I saw dad get out of his chair and start in my direction. “You are nothing to me. I will never be like you.”

Dad was beside me in a flash and removed the phone from my hand. “Renee?” I heard my dad get on the phone as I retreated toward the stairs.

Jacob’s big brown paw reached for my arm and stopped me and I looked in my dad’s direction. He was busy consoling my ‘poor’ mother since I had treated her so badly. “Don’t Jake,” I warned him, not in the mood for his games.

“I’m taking you for a walk, Bells; c’mon you will feel better with some air,” pulling me backwards Jacob squeezed my arm.

“JUST GET AWAY FROM ME!” I screamed fighting back the tears I could feel coming. He released me and I ran up the stairs as fast as my feet would take me. Dad had his talk with Billy a few days after that.

I hadn’t spoken with my mother since.

Jacob. Now, there is another problem I have stuffed in the back of my mind. What the hell had gotten into him? I shook my head. I didn’t have time for all this.

Grabbing the application for the Port Angeles Community College I stuffed it in my book bag to start filling out during my free period today. In the kitchen I washed my empty coffee mug out and set it to dry on the rack. I was going to need a job to pull off college but on the plus side going to a small community college I would be spared the cost of housing.

It wasn’t long before Alice, in all her chipper glory, popped in my front door. “Wow Bella!” she exclaimed, “I feel cheated; I didn’t even get to go upstairs to save you.”

“Save me from what?” I looked at her confused.

She giggled and responded, “From all those tacky eighty’s posters falling off your walls.” Her laughter reverberated through the house.

I rolled my eyes at her and made my way to the door. “Let’s go, Alice:,” I said stepping out on the porch. I liked my old eighties posters. Alice giggled all the way to the car. I was glad I had a cup of coffee this morning. If I didn’t know Alice better, I would have thought she was on drugs and being half asleep never made her easier to deal with.

Alice bounced in the driver’s seat excitedly all the way to school. She and Rose made up yesterday and I was glad. I smiled.

“Whatcha smilin’ about?” Alice grinned at me.

I glanced at her biting my lip. “I’m just glad everything worked out with you and Rose.”

“Well, it’s a good thing she came to her senses when she did because I couldn’t have handled much more.” Alice’s voice was soft. I knew what Rose did hurt Alice but I didn’t really know how deep. Alice is sensitive but she is also brave and it can be hard to tell at times what is going on beneath the surface with her.

“So,” I decided it was time to change the subject, “What’s the plan for the party?”

Alice squealed and made me jump. Damn pixie. I tried not to laugh at her but it was futile.

“Pfft, don’t laugh at me!” she reached over and poked me in the thigh with her manicured nail. “Rose told me Emmett had asked her to move in with him after graduation. I thought we should have a party at his place and get to know him better. Rose doesn’t know anything about it; I want it to be a surprise. I need you to go talk to Emmett and-..”

“I can’t,” I interrupted her happy spiel.

“Why not?” She sent me a sideways look.

“Things didn’t go that well when I showed up at his door this weekend.” I shrugged.

Alice sighed, “Fine, you can show me where it is and Ill talk to him. We can go tomorrow after school. Can you skip last period?” There was no point in arguing with her because she is Alice, I sighed.

“Fine.”

“I’ll call your dad and tell him I have an appointment in Port Angeles.”

I looked at Alice. I really didn’t like it when she did that. Her dad pretty much let her do what she pleased. And she was good at it, too. I couldn’t lie to my dad but sometimes he got half truths. He’s a cop and I was a teenager. He knew I was out doing teenage activities. He just didn’t imagine I would be doing the stuff Alice conjured up.

Alice rattled on with ideas for the party. When she pulled in to the parking lot, Rose was already waiting for us. Alice got so excited I think she was vibrating. “Remember, it’s a secret,” she whispered. I left her and Rose and headed up the steps. Sometimes they would hang out but I wasn’t much of a morning person and thinking about seeing Emmett again ticked me off. I shuffled to my locker.

Honestly, I didn’t like this. I didn’t want to ‘get to know’ Emmett. I didn’t want to go to Port Angeles. I didn’t want to think about college or a job. All I wanted was Alice, Rose and Forks and I had that. Damn, I hate change. Slamming my locker door, I stomped off to class.

By lunch, the mood had passed and I joined Rose and Alice for lunch at our usual table. Rose ask Alice about Jasper and Alice lit up. With everything that had happened over the weekend, Alice’s date with Jasper hadn’t come up. Her eyes dropped and she ducked her face down. Rose and I exchanged worried glances.

Alice slowly raised her head and she was wearing the most devilish little smile; her eyes sparkling a bit more than usual. She was so dramatic. The rest of lunch Alice filled us in. From the way she tells it he ‘so romantic’ and his dimples are ‘so adorable’.

Alice can spin a pile of straw to gold if that’s how she wants to see it.

On the way home I learned he was a ‘dreamy dancer’ who whisk her to her feet and danced with her in the middle of a restaurant crowded with tables. I turned my face to look out the window. I probably appeared indifferent but she was so enthused she didn’t even notice.

I had the biggest smile on my face. They were meant for each other.

School the next day, flew by. I didn’t want to go to Port Angeles but before I knew it I was going down the road with Alice. This time the door wasn’t ajar like it was last weekend. I buzzed Emmett’s apartment number nervously.

“Hello,” Emmett‘s loud voice boomed through the scratchy speaker.

I looked at Alice, I really didn’t want to do this. “Emmett, its Bella.”

Silence. Shrugging, I peeked at Alice to see if maybe she was ready to give up and hed home. Then I heard it. The door buzzed and Alice swung it open triumphantly. Alice is nuts, I shook my head.

Emmett was standing in his doorway when we came up the stairs. Alice bounced over to him and squeezed his arm. Her friendly assault caught him off guard and he was truly puzzled for a moment. He was probably trying to figure out if he knew her from somewhere, I chuckled to myself.

Alice introduced herself as Rose’s best friend. Coming to grab my arm, she dragged me from my spot on the sideline to stand face to face with the handsome ogre. He was just too damn big. Emmett invited us in but I could tell he wasn’t overjoyed about this visit.

“I want to throw Rose a party!” Alice’s excitement permeated the room as she spun in a circle twirling her skirt. It reminded me of a cartoon princess. Emmett kept flashing his eyes to me like he was looking for reassurance? I don’t know. I think she scared him.

“I want to do something special for her because she had had a rough time this last week and this is what best friends do,” she winked at him.

“I,.. umm, think that’s a great idea,” Emmett hesitated and was completely confused. “I can be there just give me the address and time. Do you want me to bring Rose?”

Skipping across the floor to perch lightly on the edge of the sofa, she giggled, “As a matter of fact, I do!” I sat and watched her lure him in. She giggled again, rose from the couch and skipped back across the floor. Pulling on Emmett’s arm, she drew him down closer to her. Standing on her toes she kissed him on the cheek.

I rolled my eyes. Unfortunately, Emmett happened to be looking at me when I did it. Startling Alice, he roared with laughter. Alice sprang back from him.

“Alright, what am I missing here? More specifically, what do you want from me?”

Alice’s eye brows twitched but only once. Anyone who didn’t know her well most likely wouldn’t have noticed the subtle movement. Alice just changed strategy. I smirked. This bastard was in for it.

“Why, Emmett, we just met and you know me so well,” batting her lashes and speaking as if she had taken lessons from Scarlett O’Hara, she moved beside him and placed her hand on his arm again. “We need you to pick Rose up and bring her back here. That will give us time to decorate.”


Emmett.

Is this chic for real? Spinning and dancing all over my living room like a god damned ballerina? She was cute but must have been on one hell of caffeine high or worse. I was getting a glimpse of what it would be like when Rose moved in. It was going to be a huge step for both of us.

I knew something was up when she pulled me down to kiss my cheek. I’ve been around enough women to know when they want something and she definitely wanted something.

I wasn’t too keen on agreeing to have a party at my place considering what had happened last weekend. I really wanted to make this work with Rose though. Pissing off her best friends wouldn’t be very productive. Then, there was Eddie. He had been quiet today. I would go see him when they left. I’d have to give him a heads up on this party. I knew he wouldn’t come down and that was okay. The girls wanted to make this about Rose and Eddie still freaked Rose out.

‘Baby steps,’ Esme, Eddie’s mom had assured me. She handled Rose with kid gloves and Rose let her. I was amazed how quickly Rose warmed to Esme. She still didn’t like Eddie but I held out hope that would change.

I could never see myself in a long term relationship until I met Rose. But then, who knows, shit changes all the time. Who would have ever thought one of my closet friends was a vampire?


_____


AN:

Party!!! Do you think Edward will show?

Love the reviews and all the encouragement. In review, sometimes I think I am my toughest critic. Then, I shake my head and remember why I’m doing this. Its fun and I’m thoroughly enjoying it! I’m creating my own magic. Thank you for joining me on this journey.~

Twilight is Stephenie Meyer’s.